I Won't Give Up - Phan
by imphantabulous
Summary: Summary: Phil was never accepted by anyone - even his own father. He ran away from these troubles. But his stay was short, he got hit by a car; loosing his memory, only knowing his name. A boy saved him that day. His name was Dan. They had fallen in love - even through the difficult things. But Phil's father tracks him down and then things turn upside down for the boys.
1. Chapter 1 - Beginnings

**Phil P.O.V**

Today? It was just another ordinary day for me well as ordinary as a day for me could get, I was having a casual stroll... more like a limp, going back home from another cruel day at school, where I had just freshly been beaten up by the guys at my school which I called _'The Capturers'_ because of the way they always had managed to capture me in corners, up against walls and always at the moments I was at my weakest...

I carried on home ignoring the agony shooting up my thigh and back. Oh, so you think this wasn't that bad? All I knew was this day would turn on repeat when I got home… My father, more like a _monster_ no person could call him a father he was brutal and harsh to _anything or anyone _he saw, even without knowing them.

I approached my 'home' anyone would think it was another one of them perfect family homes that everyone wants to live in and its all fluffy bunnies and fairy dust inside, but no. It's more like, the devil of hell being thrown in to his own hell pit; it's only me and my dad living here now.

My older brother Steven who is now 22 moved out when it all began, I was too naïve to understand at the time, why my big savour brother Steven had moved away, the last thing I have to remember him is a small bracelet I haven't to this day took off, it has my name 'Phillip' engraved by hand from Steven. But, soon on my 11th birthday I surely found out why he had left in a hurry, I found out with a bang... literally.

_*Flashback_*

That's when it all began, my 11th birthday party, my dad had gotten very drunk that night and when all my mates and their parents had gone, he teetered his way over too me, I was just sat on the couch playing sonic then.. he had picked me up by my collar of my polo shirt and threw me over to the wall. Where I had whacked my head so hard, it had all gone dark after that..

_*Reality*_

I finally got to the door knowing that as soon as I walked in my father would be waiting in the living room.. I was correct he was.

"Phillip. You should know the routine by now. You're late." He said not moving an eye towards me, glaring at the TV screen.

"I.. I'm S-sorry father, W-w.. Won't Happen A-again, I-I-I Promise." I wasn't even late! It's only 15:30! School had only been out 15 minutes when I got home, how fast did he expect me to get out of school? I'm _running _home still only barely getting here!

"You said that last week. Don't break your promises, you know the consequences of that, now don't you _son_?" he puffed his inhaled smoke from his lit cigarette into my face as he got up slowly, us both knowing what was to come next.

"Y-yes I'm so.. sorry father" then it began my daily beating from my father, I got off lucky today still being conscious and only having a few batters and bruises to my chest, head and legs, after 2 hours of the daily cold-blooded, savage punishment, normally I would wake up at midnight not knowing what happened that night, but today I pretended to be unconscious to try get him away, just for awhile.

I had a plan, a plan that may be risky to pull off. Once he had gone down to the local pub with his mates, I would run away.. go far away from here on a train. To London. I only had £50 in my pocket and a few hamper loads of clothes and belongings, not forgetting my bracelet and beloved stuffed toy from my childhood – Lion of course.

_*2 hours later*_

I finally had been able to sneak out of the house not leaving a trace for my dad to find when he got back… What was I thinking? He wouldn't _care_ that I was gone; he would be _drunk_ and not notice or would most likely throw a party at my disappearance.

I got to the train platform and waited for my number and train destination to be called from that annoying muffled voice of the announcer, when it was finally called I leept up from my doze and walked too the train;

"_This is it Phil.. Don't mess it up. It's your only chance" _

**Dan P.O.V**

Today I was meant to be going cinema with my friends, PJ & Chris. But I felt kind of groggy so I decided to stay in bed five minutes longer; it was _only_ 11 o'clock. But then a sudden though came to mind while lying there;

"_Today, Today will be a good day."_

Err, how could _this_ be a good day brain? I feel like crap and now I need to get up, as PJ and Chris will be here soon. Abruptly after sitting up I heard a knock on the front door "_dammit guys, why so early?_" I thought to myself as I grabbed a pair of skin tight black skinnys and a t-shirt from my wardrobe. Then I started hopping down the stairs while trying, but failing, at putting a sock on.

"Hi Dan?" PJ said at me as I must had looked like a idiot hopping down the stairs like that.

"Hi guys, you're here early? I wasn't expecting you till 1?" they're always here early, I think they do it to annoy me, I'm lazy at times.

"Oh, We stopped by early.. to play video games before the cinema?" Chris said with an egger smile plastered on his face "please Dan!" how could I say no? they're my _best_ friends after all.

"Sure! Why not? Go to the lounge I'll be there in a bit, I need _food_" I walked into the kitchen to find my mum and little brother Adrian sat at the table eating their breakfast.

"Hi mum, Adrian" I nodded to them as I went to the toaster to get some fresh toast that my mum had pre-made for me with butter on. Then I went into Chris and Pj, who had, as always, been able to already be playing sonic when I sat down with my toast.

"Ha! Chris you won't beat this level ever will you?" I mocked him as he kept dying every movement.

"shh, I'm nearly there" and so it continued till 12:30n where we headed to the cinema to watch the new "paranormal activity" movie.

**Phil P.O.V**

"_We have now arrived in London, please take all your luggage and processions and exit the train. We hope you enjoyed your travel and enjoy your stay here in London!"_

I slowly woke awake from my daze as the muffled voice spoke from the cabin, I made it! Here I was in London, a place I can start fresh! But I was forgetting one thing.. I was a 16 year old boy, nothing but a few bundles of clothes and £50 in his pocket? This was going to be tricky.

I stepped out of the train, my backpack firmly on my back and I breathed in hoping somehow this would give me a relaxing feeling, nope more worry and anxiety to ask where the exit was. I started to follow a bunch of teenagers whom I believe would be heading out to the exit as they had just got off the same train as me.

After a long crowded exit to the station I found my self outside the building, I breathed out thinking what to do next, I was so stupid, I had no plan what I was going to do. So I decided to put my headphones over my ears and put some muse on as I walked around the streets of London aimlessly looking around like a loony.

I had been walking for some time now when I saw a game shop "Game" Oh what a creative title this shop had, I wandered in knowing I had no money to buy anything so I just skimmed through the endless racks of video-games. I snatched up a xbox game from the endless shelf "Sonic 4" it read. I remembered playing this when I was a child, it bringing a sneaky smile to my glum facial expression, it was the _last_ game I played before my life became the living _hell_ of a routine it was now…well used to be. Now I'm free I don't need to worry any longer.

I was on my way out when suddenly out of nowhere a filthy scumbag of a guy ran up behind me snatching my rucksack and iPod, I ran after him trying to keep up but I couldn't, my leg had gotten beat badly the other night leaving it still weak and less able to run fast, I carried on running then after the crook then – it all went dark.

I felt a large hit on my side as if something had ran into me with a _car_, next thing I knew I flew and hit the ground thirty feet in front of I had been hit – it _was a car_ I didn't realise I had been abandoned there until I heard screeching of tires on the busy London road. It was odd I knew what was happening around me but I couldn't open my eyes or move, until it all went dark - unconsciousness took over.

"_Free? What were you thinking Phil. Now you're alone on the road not able to move"_

**Dan P.O.V**

"_I told you it would be a good day" _

Why can't my brain shut up! It's been saying about this "good day" ALL DAY. Nothing extraordinary good had happened, so far. Apart from that movie, THAT was good. I was cut rudely off my trail of un-twining thoughts by Chris's scream, not a excitement scream he did when the movie had started, this was him in distress of panic.

"Chris? What the h-" I started but was yet again put off by him running out into the road and pointing. Luckly no cars were around or _that _would've been stupid of him. I trailed down his pointing arm and stood in shock at what he was point down at.

_A boy._

_A lifeless body._

_Deep ebony hair._

_Out in the middle of the road._

_In a pool of his own blood._

I immediately ran right over to Chris in his panicked faze, I knelt down by the boy, dragging himn onto my lap really not caring about the blood stains forming on my jeans, and desperately checked for the slightest pulse or movement.

"_Sorry, I meant life changing good. You'll know why soon" _

Brain this is NOT the time. I ran my hands through the thick bunch of black-like hair he looked so innocent sitting there on my lap with his eyes shut and sound of his light huffs, he was _alive_ but barely. I longed to see his ey- I cut myself off from my thoughts, I'm straight why am I thinking like this towards another guy? But some reason I _really_ wanted to see the colour of his eyes, partly because I wanted him to wake up – but also because he seemed so – ok stop it Dan.

"Peej! He's dying! Hurry up!" Chris shouted and his jumped about above me while PJ was on the phone to an ambulance.

"_Don't worry Dan, take care of this, it's a gift" _

I tried blocking my thoughts out at that point when the ambulance came rushing down the street – he's safe.


	2. Chapter 2 - Mayhem

**Dan P.O.V**

_He_ was just laying there on the ground, he hasn't moved a mussel yet, I know he's alive I can see the slight uplift and downfall of his chest struggling to keep the pattern going to keep him breathing and _alive_. Please wake up, I don't know you, but I'm _sure_ you didn't deserve this, also I want to see you awake – it's _odd, _I feel like I've known you for my _whole life_ but I haven't..

The ambulance got down the road and then out burst from the back door, the men and women paramedics jumped out and ran straight over to me sat here with a random stranger boy laid on my lap, his blood soaked through my jeans and his limp body.

They quickly took him off my lap and placed him on a stretcher to get into the ambulance and to the safety of the hospital which was 10 minutes drive from here, one of the women came over to me, she had mid-length blonde wavy hair and eyes so blue they pieced you in the gut when she looked right at you.

"Sir, are you ok? Do you know this boy?" she said with a delicate tone as she leant down beside me. Still sat in the middle of the road.

"Yes, I'm fine. But no I don't know him, sorry. Me and my friends" I pointed over to PJ who was comforting the wreck of Chris "were coming out of the cinema when we saw him here, so we called you…" I let out a sigh and I felt a slight lump in my throat remembering when I saw him laying there and how my heart was beating a million miles per second as I checked for a pulse or anything.

"Ok, we will find out his name some over way.. are you _sure_ you don't know him?" She said it this time with a bit more force as she spoke to me.

"I'm very sure" I sighed out under my breath then finally she went away, I stopped her before she could get to far "Miss! Please, I know I don't know him but please, can I come in the ambulance, I want to make sure he wakes up..." I did _really_ want to see him wake up, partly because I felt something towards him as soon as I _saw_ him and also I never got to see his e- stop it Dan you moron you're _straight_ not _bi or gay_. I need to somehow stop these thoughts. They were going to be the end of me – I _have_ a girlfriend _– Wallis_.

"Sure, I understand your concern. _But_ will your uhm- friends be ok? He looks a bit shaken" she said looking over at Chris and PJ with concerned eyes.

"Yeah, I'll text them later explaining why I'm going" I will text them, they will want reassurance that the _boy_ would be ok. I could see how shaken and hurt Chris was since he was the one who first laid eyes on _the boy._

_*5 minutes later*_

"_You're going on the right track Dan, keep going. It will turn out amazing- Don't give up just yet" – _my brain is still not shutting up, it's not _me_ saying these things its something or someone in there telling me this, I just don't know _who _it is, they sound like they know what will happen – wait they must be on about _the boy_ It only started today, and when I get them I'm always doing something to help _the boy_.

We were now on our way to the near by A&E department at St Thomas' hospital. I was sat at the side of _the boys _ bed only noises being the traffic going past and then the slight and gentle '_beep'_ of the heart monitor, I kept my head in my hands the whole way there as I was worried, about _a boy I don't even know_.

_*10 minutes later*_

We got to St Thomas' hospital, they quickly ran wheeling _the boy _on the stretcher into the A&E, I had to run behind with the others, following them to the room they took him to. I was waiting out in the corridor when I looked through the glass panel in the door, the room was pretty dull, white walls, tiny rectangular windows that were high up, wires and machines flooded it like a wave in the sea, he was ok, his heart monitor kept its steady '_beeping' _pattern which I could hear from back here as it was so quite in the corridor, it helped my heart-rate to slow down knowing we hadn't lost _him, yet._

The silence of me standing out there was broken when the doctors decided to go back to him; they crowded him so much I couldn't see _the boy_ any more, so I sank into the fold-up chair which was attached to the wall outside of the ward room – number 8. I can slightly hear them talking about something –

"_His heart rate is still descending, sir. He's really not going to make it we don't think, he has tonight at the maximum to wake up." – my heart, _it sunk when I heard them last words, I single tear managed to creep from my eye and drip down my cheekbone when I slapped it off with the back of my hand. He _will be ok_ he can't die, I- I cut my thought off when I heard the doctors come back through the door.

"Uhm- Sir." I started as I saw the main ward manager come through the door "w-will he b-be ok?" I managed to stutter out between the sobs.

"I'm sorry, we don't think he will make it through the _night_, I'm ever so sorry, _we did everything we could"_ the last part of that got repeated through my brain as he said it, like a ringer again, and again, and again.

"_WHAT!? _You can't be serious! Please save him! I- I..." I couldn't speak no longer the tears I was holding back came, one by one each and every one rolled down my cheek and dripped onto the floor.

"We're sorry. Please go sit with him, it may be your only chance." He sounded so _calm_ how could he be that calm!? A _teenage boy_ was laying in there about to fucking DIE! - wait, why do I care _so so much _about this? I've only known him max 30 minutes, but still … felt like I should.

I turned from the doctor and headed to the door where I just looked through the murky window, he looked so peaceful – as peace as he _could be _with all them wires and machines attached to him. Only then I noticed how cute he looked, just sleeping he was still cute. – why am I _thinking this?_ I conscientiously pushed the door open and stepped in taking a big breath – why am I so nervous? I don't know the guy... he could be _anyone_.

I sat there for around 10 minutes when I saw his hand flinch a slight bit, he didn't open his eyes though, I had shot up out of my seat for nothing.. at least he hadn't completely _gone_ yet. I was getting thirsty and could really do with a piece of food as well, so I went down to the café which was on the bottom floor – we were on floor 3. He wasn't waking up anytime _soon, _so it wouldn't hurt.

I had a gentle stroll down to the café trying to clear my head a bit; I decided to get a packed of maltesers and a coke. When I found a small one seat table I sat down and called PJ, to explain what the doctor's said about _the boys _condition. – He picked up.

**PJ P.O.V**

I was at home having a cuppa' tea talking and comforting the still trembling Chris when my phone rang. I rushed around the house trying to find it, I found it eventually, seeing dads face and number pop up I quickly slid my finger across accepting the call.

"Hello?" Was he going to tell me why he disappeared earlier? Hmm…

"Hi! PJ, is Chris there as well? I have news.." he had a slight croak in his voice, I could clearly tell this wasn't going to be good news..

"Yeah I'll turn on speaker so you can talk to us both, one minute" I turned to Chris, he looked at me in an odd fashion then sat up and let me sit down by him.

"Hey Dan" Chris said into the phone telling Dan to carry on.

"I'm sorry about going earlier, I- I went in the ambulance with _the boy_ I couldn't S-stand him waking and not having any-one t-there..." I heard Dan's voice mumble at the end.

"Oh, that's fine" I said looking over at Chris, who was frowning at the thought of earlier "How is the poor lad?" I spitted out – we somewhat wanted to know.

"H-he.. the doctors, t-they said h-he w-won't-" Dan stopped talking and I could hear him gently sobbing and then sniffing and starting again "h-he's too w-weak, - t-they think he w-wont make –it through t-the n-n-night.." I sat there in shock; Dan was in tears at this point you could clearly make out the sobs and russels of him trying to wipe the tears away – why was he so upset? He _doesn't even know _the boy..? – Yeah he _should be a bit _upset but he's _really_ upset…

"D-Dan, shh, it's ok. Do you want me and Chris to come over? We aren't busy..." I tried to keep the tears back – I hated hearing a friend – a _best_ friend – cry or be upset.

"n-no, I'm f-fine. I'll t-talk to y-ou both l-later." Then he hung up without another word. I felt bad for him, he somehow must have thought he _needed _to take care of _the boy_, it's just like when his dad was alive, and he would tell him how _he should always be caring towards others – even if you don't know them. _His dad died 6 years back when he was 10, he still isn't fully ok... and now he's 16.

**Dan P.O.V**

I had to hang up on PJ and Chris, I couldn't let them hear me cry – It made PJ always feel bad. I decided to take my coke and maltesers back up to _the boy_ hoping he was now awake and all ok, I knew he wouldn't be…

I walked up to ward 8 when I was met by a noise – I could hear beep after beep increasing every second, from every angle in the ward – I got to _the boys _room and I saw all the doctors around his bed, his heart monitor was a line a straight line. No beeps. Nothing – one of the nurses was pumping his chest – my world started to go into slow motion as I looked through the window – then they places 2 cold shockers on his chest, it jolted his body – he still didn't get a heart beat – I screamed things I shouldn't have at the door while hitting it with my firsts – I couldn't watch him _die _he shouldn't!

"_Calm down, my dear boy… all will be ok. I promise. I wouldn't have told you how good this would've been if it ended now – would I?" _

My head wouldn't stop pounding and I hit my fist on the door multiple times – everything was still slow motion and silent. I knew I was screaming but I couldn't hear myself – I was completely backed out from reality, - why am I acting this way? _I didn't even know this boy_ before a few hours ago… he looked so innocent when I was sat with him earlier – I think I may– I cut myself off, _NO _Dan, you're _straight _stop thinking like that – think about Wallis…

I sat back into the chair from earlier burying my head in my knees sobbing like a loony-tick, _he was special, he was different, and could I be? No… I'm not bi… at least I don't think I am… _- then from all the stress of that day – I fell asleep, all I dreamed about was _that boy, his hair, the way he was sleeping – so cute. _


	3. Chapter 3 - Emotion Overload

**Dan P.O.V**

I got suddenly awoken by a gently nudging to my arm, my eyes fluttered open and then I remembered what had just happened before I fell asleep _that boy _his heart had stopped, he could be dead! _I couldn't let that happen_, I was awoken by the manager of the ward, he looked at me with concerned eyes, was he going to tell me _bad news, or the good news?_

"Hi, you're here with uhm… the boy in Room 8, whom name we don't know? Correct?" he spoke always in a formal tone, never taking his eyes away from me – felt like he was staring right through me with his eyes covered by his 'geek' style glasses. "Hello? Sir?"

"Oh, sorry sir. Y-yes I am… Is H-he O-ok?" I managed to speak without letting the sobs and tears take over at the _thought_ of the boy not being here anymore.

"He…" I saw his facial expression turn from serious to full of sympathy. "He suffered a major... _major_ heart attack last night. We did all we could to prevent it, but it happened. We managed to get his heart to start again but very weakly, we took him for a scan this morning, his brain has got various blood clots, we're lucky he's still here this morning. Well in a _coma_ that is. In an hour we're taking him to the surgery room, attempting to remove the clotting." _He is alive. But barely. _That's all I heard. My head is still spinning; he's so weak now, what if he doesn't make it through the operation? What if his heart stops and gives in finally! A single tear rolled down my face expressing my feelings towards the _boy_.

"I'm ever so sorry sir. You may visit him for the hour, but then we have to part you, until he's out of surgery." He gave me a weak smile trying to bring up my sprite, but it didn't work, at all. I was about to go into the room when he stopped me but tugging my arm.

"Don't stress on it. We have the best medical staff here. I wish you and _him_ well." Then he walked over to the desk handing _the boys_ notes to the receptionist. I walked in curiously and saw him, he had _more wires, _than he had last night, very faintly you could still see the up and down of his chest.

"_Dan, my son, don't you worry, I'll be here, I'll always be here. This boy. He needs you right now, he's going to be ok. Trust me." _

Why did my head know all this stuff? How would it know that the boy was going to be _ok_ when he was in a coma about to go for fucking brain surgery, and he could fade away any minute now! – I don't think I would cope with myself is he _passed_.

I sat down next to the bed, in the creaky plush chair they provided me with the first night. He looked at peace when he laid there sleeping, a deep sleep, beneath the cut up face and oxygen mask I knew, there was something in him, something I wanted to know and – _love. _By this point, I still didn't believe myself when I thought about myself being _bisexual_ I've always liked girls, how could one guy change me after 16 _years?_ I sat there a while just watch him sleep – that isn't classed as creepy is it?

_*1 Hour Later* _

I sure knew what was coming to me when the doors to the room opened, it was time for _his operation_ I started to feel a lump in my throat and the tears drip down my already damp from tears cheeks. I followed them pushing the _motionless _boy down the corridor to room 10 – "Ward 8 -Theatre practise" the sign read. Then above the door was a sign at the minute it said in green "not in use" but as soon as I let go of _the boys_ hand and the doors shut it turned red and flashed to "Surgery in progress. NO ENTRY" I decided to go back down to the café area, to clear my head and get a drink, he could be _hours _in there, it is brain surgery.

When I came down the corridor approaching the café I saw a little girl, she looked about 6, she was bold and had a machine or two trailing off her, she sat there with the biggest smile I could've seen on a cancer patient, she was sat with her I guess mother eating pancakes.

"_Remember Dan, be nice to everyone even if you don't know them – oh and also some have it worse than you're going through..." _

That's right my brain actually talked sense the first time in forever, I decided to be the good citizen my dad always had wanted me to be and went into the gift shop and looked at the balloons and toys, I picked out a heart shaped balloon and a small teddy bear with a heart saying "_Get better soon" _ I smiled at the cashier as I brought them, she smiled back she knew they were for the little girl – she had been looking at me stare at her earlier when drinking my Latté.

I stepped out of the mini shop and went over to the little girl and her mum, "Hi Miss, I'm Dan. I just wanted to do something nice and I saw your little fighter so I brought her these" I showed the balloon and toy to the mum and a smile plastered its way onto her face.

"Oh, wow, thank you so much young man. Some people _are_ human still! Hey, Mandy this nice man has some gifts for you!" the little girl turned around to me, I smiled and gave her the gifts.

"For you a little princess, who is also a fighter. You will for sure beat this cancer, you're _strong_. Good luck, Mandy." I smiled at her showing my bare dimples in each cheek, they hardly showed these days. I then gave her a quick kiss on my head and went back to the ward, hoping I could hear how long _the boy_ is going to be.

When I got back to the ward, I firstly checked at the desk on how patient: 459 was doing (that was _the boy's _new name for now..) she quickly scanned the screen then looked back at me "he's doing just fine, the surgeons have just placed him in the IC unit 10 minutes ago." She said as she looked up from the desk – _he was ok. _

"Uhm- Thanks, will he be allowed visitors?..." I asked as I felt the lump in my throat coming back as I was nearly in tears just because he was ok.

"Sure! Just go out of the bottom doors, and then opposite the surgery section of this ward a door should say "Intensive Care Unit" just head in there and ask the receptionist for him." She was so helpful and smiley, at least she wasn't a grumpy ol' hag.

I walked down to the unit and went through the doors, the desk was first thing on the right, I went straight to it. "Hi I'm here to visit patient: 459" I tried to stay calm even though the butterflies in my stomach were fluttering around madly; he was _ok – not dead._ I knew he would still be in his coma but I went the need to go visit him I felt bad leaving him alone.

"Oh, ok. He's in room 12, you may need a doctor to explain his operation before you go in sir." I nodded and followed the signs to the room. I saw a doctor standing outside of his room when I turned the corner, I quietly said "Hello, I'm here to visit patient 459, is this his room?" I looked down at the floor as I sometimes hated to be a bother.

"Yes! Ah, we were waiting for you to turn up; I'm Dr. Campbell I was the one who operated on 459, what is your name?" I nodded at him.

"Dan" I smiled and carried on "Thank-you for not giving up on him." A small blush had crept up onto my face by now, I was happy _he_ was safe – but still didn't want him to be asleep – he needed to wake up.

"Well Dan, let me talk to you before you visit 459, his operation it went well." A took a deep breath out as it was a relief "_but he…" _there is always a but, "He may suffer from memory loss, he wont be able to remember anything – even since he was born for awhile, it could take days, months… and rarely years. But we're all sure that 459 will be one of the people who slowly will get glimpses off his past – through flashbacks." Memory loss? How were we ever going to contact his parents! They must be worried sick! And what about his NAME! I can't go around calling him 459 all the time I know him! I started to panic as the doctor was talking, I didn't want him to suffer any longer.

"Oh… I hope he gets it back. May I see him now? He's _still _in the coma isn't he? That's why _he's in a separate room to everyone else?" _I began to get frustrated with Dr. Campbell over no reason – the questions I was asking wouldn't stop.

"Yes Dan sadly he will be for some time, until his body decides to wake up, we can't do anything apart from pray." he said in a calm manner then opened the door for me to walk in, then he left me with patient 459. Even though he couldn't hear me I decided to talk to him, just to give myself comfort.

"Hi there, I have to call you 459 right now... I wish I knew your name! You seem so nice, I- I saved you ya'know? Well that's what the doctors and my friends are saying... I wish you would wake up already, its bugging me how much I want to see your eyes, you seem so peaceful right now, I wish I was – I'm a wreck you've have me worried for the past days, I don't know you but I _want to know you._

"_You're doing fine Dan. Keep this strong I promise you it will pay off."_

I went home after spending 3 hours by the side of 459's bed, he seemed so helpless and innocent… it was killing me on the inside how much longer I could bare to see him laying there motionless, the voice in my heads said to keep strong but how could I when someone I care about could pass away – without even getting to hear his _voice_.

I got home mum and Adrian were in the living room, they heard me come in but I ignored their "Hello's" and went right up to my room where I spun and locked my door then sinking down it to the cold floor. I had tears coming down from my eyes right now, the thoughts from that room and the frozen body of _the boy_. I then crawled from by the door over to my bed where I began to cry louder into my duvet – what about Wallis? I can't just leave her, I've been with her 1 nearly 2 years now, I care for her _a lot_, but _this boy, _he's only been in my life a few days and I'm already crying like this over him? – It must have been fait that we had met, but I wish it wasn't in this way.

I had then fallen to sleep thinking about the whole mess I called life, but I was abruptly awoken by a knock at my door and the soft voice of my little brother Adrian, who is 14. "Dan? Please open the door; I could hear you crying last night in your sleep…" he sounded sad and actually like he cared for once, _we weren't very close _before, but right now I really needed someone to listen to me and be a shoulder to cry on…

"Okay… One minute Adrian…" I got up and smacked the dried tears from my face and went over to the door.

**Adrian P.O.V**

When I knocked on the door I heard Dan moving around, so I knew he was then up. I was worried about him, he hadn't been home since yesterday afternoon then he went up to his room crying without a word last night… I want to know what's going on.

"Dan? Please open the door; I could hear you crying last night in your sleep…" I sounded pathetic but he was my _brother after all_, I heard a mumble and then he replied.

"Okay… One minute Adrian…" I could tell he was still upset by the crack in is voice, after a few seconds the door knob started to giggle and he appeared in the doorway. His eyes were blotchy and red, and dry tear marks were very visible on his slightly tanned skin, it was clear he'd been crying _a lot_ and still wasn't ok.

"Oh My... Dan you look a wreck!" That was so stupid to say, he must have been offended so much of my sudden outburst.

"Oh… I'm sorry. You can go now, _I'm fine" _He wasn't _fine_ he war far from it, "Don't just stand there Adrian! I know nobody will understand what I'm going through! Please, just leave me alone." Before I could fit another word in he had slammed the door in my face. I was shocked at his attitude, all I wanted to do was help him, but couldn't because he was being to darn stubborn and self-centred! I bet what he's upset about _isn't that bad._


	4. Chapter 4 - His Name Is Phil

_*1 month later*_

**Dan P.O.V**

It's been a month now since _the boy_ had his operation; I haven't failed to miss a day of being by his side. The past month has been a loop of events – me going to school then as soon as the bell rings I shot to the hospital without going home – then at the weekends I sometimes stayed the night if Dr. Campbell let me, I had become a know face in ward 8 by now, the nurses and doctors regularly said 'Hi Dan, how's 459 doing today?' whenever I passed to get something from the vending machine or went to talk to the receptionists at the desk for comfort.

I still wasn't happy, I was still depressed. Every morning I was home Adrian would come knocking on my door to try talk to me or lighten my mood. I hadn't spoken to mum or him all this time, only a simple 'bye' when I set out for school. Wallis on the other hand wouldn't stop bugging me at school with her 'Daaaannn, please talk to meeee' attitude, all I wanted to do was just sit by myself and wait for the final bell to go.

It was the end of school; the bell had just gone 5 minutes ago, so I set off to the hospital – which now I knew the way to like the back of my hand – like I normally would, when I arrived I firstly went to the receptionist to check if 459 had been moved from him private room in ICU back to the regular ward – yet again I was disappointed, they weren't going to move him till he had fully woken up from his coma – but I still had hope everyday.

I went over to room 12 – which was his room – just to find the same scene as I had left him with yesterday, same gentle uplift and downfall of his chest, same eyes closed, and same _motionless boy._ I don't know why I expect he'll magically just wake up it's not like the doctors have any hope, _why should I?_

_*1 hour later*_

I had my hand on _the boys _as it gave me comfort that he was still here. I had drifted to sleep in the chair beside his bed, still gently resting my hand on his. I got woken up by something moving under my hand – I shot up out of my seat, was he waking up? I saw his hand shaking and his head was tipping itself side to side – it was like he was _trying to wake up._

**Phil P.O.V**

I was asleep; trying to open my eyes to get away from this nightmare that I was having – but couldn't do anything so I was taken by the nightmare;

_*flashback*_

_I was having a normal day at school, I had always been bullied there; 'the capturers' had beaten me pretty badly today, I was limping home barely being able to move my right leg without yelping with pain, I also had bruises through out my body – I got home this was the first time my farther had psychically hurt me, before he would just torture me without food or a quick slap but on this day my farther was already drunk as hell. Without a word he came to me as soon as I opened the door and grabbed me by the shoulder digging his fingers into the gap dragging me to the privacy of the living room, there he threw me to the ground and started the beating._

_He began with kicking my ribs and then stepping on my head – it had made me feel dizzy and I couldn't move. As he stood on my head he was hitting me in the stomach. Then he left the room, I tried to sit up quickly but I couldn't. I could hear the kettle bubbling only thinking at the time – was he just making a drink? This was the first time he had beaten me – I didn't know what was coming. Until he came in the room with the kettle in his hands, he then poured the scolding fresh hot water down my shoulder it ran right down my left side – it started to blister, he then left me there on the floor without a word._

_*Reality* _

I felt a jolt surging through my body as I opened my eyes – the light hit me right in the eyes. I started to have a panic attack and was shaking franticly I didn't notice the tanned brown haired boy sitting by my bed. I started to scream with sobs and pain – I must have though the beating was real.

**Dan P.O.V**

I was sat by the bed in shock when the _boy_ started to scream and sob in his sleep – I saw on the heart monitor that his heart rate was going way to high than it should be. Then I saw them – his eyes they shot right open, it wasn't clear of the colour they looked blue but they were red and puffy from crying – _the boy_ then started to scream and shake I quickly reached and pressed the button for a nurse to come to us. Then got here in 5 seconds – they must have saw the heart monitor as one of them had a sharp needle in their hand – as soon as they came in _the boy _started to cry louder and fidget, that's when they put the needle right into his cannula sending _him_ back to sleep – why did they have to make him sleep again? He had awoken from the coma! I could've actually heard his voice – but all I heard was screams and sobs…

"I'm sorry Dan, we had to – he could've caused damage to himself with the wires if he kept awake" said one of the nurses, which the other was getting results from his heart monitor – she read the sheet and said,

"it seems he had a nightmare while a sleep – these are normally a good sign of him waking soon, but sometimes they're a blip." She said still looking at the sheet "oh, if he has anymore of these, please come to us straight away – he's getting stronger Dan so don't worry" then they both smiled at me and left again.

I placed my hand back on top of _his_ and started to rub my thumb back and forth along his knuckles – wishing he could've stayed awake… - but no, he's back in his coma, the coma that seems to never end.

After that event I fell asleep resting my head on the side of the bed as I felt at ease when I was close to him – when I was a sleep, I began having a dream – it was my dad, he was there. He said something to me;

"_Oh Dan, how didn't you realise it was me talking to you? My Dan. This boy you're looking after will soon become a blessing to you – I may have said it was fait you met. My son, I am not angry at you for your feelings; do what you want, but someone close to you is lying through her teeth – this boy would never do it to you, please I know you don't want to believe what you're thinking – but its true." _

Then he just went and I woke up, dad. H-he was the one looking out for me; he was the one helping me. How was I being so blind to all of this? And who is _she?_ And I know I have feelings for this boy – but I don't want to emit it, how does _my dad_ know that it's true I'm _gay?_ It's just not normal... maybe I am _gay or just bi_. I don't know! The thoughts are hurting my head, I mean I _love _Wallis but I think – _I may love this boy._ I mean – I don't know him but I have a feeling that _I know and love him?_

_*2 month later*_

**Dan P.O.V**

It's been another 2 months now, since he had that one-off nightmare… I am starting to give up on him… will _he_ ever wake from his peaceful and untouched slumber? Lately I have been locking myself in my room – making no contact with family and friends, _only _coming out to go visit _the boy_ and occasionally school. He hasn't had a nightmare since that day, I got my hopes up so much when they said it's a sign of waking up, I guess it wasn't.

Today was Saturday and I got up surprisingly early for myself; it was 10 am. I decided to skip breakfast and head straight to see _the boy_. I grabbed my wallet – when I checked I only had £5 in but I guess It would be enough for the bus journey I'll have to skip food for the day _again_... I slipped my black v-neck shirt on and then stretched on some tight skinnies before jogging downstairs and running straight out the door. I went to the local bus stop which was only a 5 minute walk – I hopped on and paid the bus driver before sitting in a seat near the front, I stared out of the window the whole 15 minute drive there – just _thinking._

_*15 minutes later*_

I arrived at the hospital – 'still the same as yesterday' I thought to myself before walking in, I went up in the lift stopping at the floor _he_ was on then strolling down to ward 8 – knowing today would be the same routine – talk to the receptionist, comfort talk with _the boy_, fall asleep holding his hand and then going home at 11pm – it was the same agonising routine _every day_ but I still came down here because _I had hope_ that one day it would be different.

"Hi Dan! Here to see 459 again are we?" Robyn – she was the new receptionist shed been there for about a few weeks now me and her had bonded quite well – I guess. She had deep brown locks going down to her shoulders and her smile was warm and inviting I could tell her anything.

"Hi Robyn, yeah has Dr. Campbell said anything about _him_ yet?" I shiver whenever I talk about _the boy_, its so odd.

"Not that I know of, sorry! Hey Dan, you _really_ shouldn't be doing this to yourself – you need some rest, promise me you'll go home early and talk to someone about all this? You've been acting rather depressed and lonely lately.." – did I fail to mention how understanding and gentle she was around everyone?

"I'm really _fine_… just _fine_ Robyn, Thank You anyway.." I then set off to room 12; _he_ was still in the ICU. Yep, still same straight sleeping face, same floppy ebony hair over his eye, same everything, I walked in the only noise was the continued beep of the heart monitor and a few other machines. I sat down in the chair besides _his_ bed and placed my hand on _his_ stoking my fingertips over his knuckles while I was in a deep thought about everything that had been going on – before I knew it I had fell asleep.

**Phil P.O.V**

I seemed to feel like I was awake – I was so confused I was able to think and move my fingers the tiniest of bits but I wasn't able t do anything else not even open my eyes – I somehow felt like I'd been asleep years and was slowly regaining myself, I started to stretch my fingers a bit when I hit something gently placed on top of mine. _Another hand_, who would it is? I can't remember anything… could it be _my farther? My mother? My boyfriend? My brother?_ – yes I knew I was gay, I wouldn't forget that, I can remember basic things about myself, name, age, sexuality – wait where am I_?_ I couldn't remember much else – not even my family or friends.

As I needed comfort in my mini-panic attack, I gripped one of the fingers of _the hand_ which was on top of mine.

**Dan P.O.V**

I was awoken by something tightening itself around my finger – _it was the boy._ I stood up quickly slipping my hand into his fully and squeezing it a tad, he hadn't opened his eyes but he could tighten his grip around my hand – was he finally waking up?! I called for Dr. Campbell 5 seconds later he came shooting in the room at the sound of my delighted voice.

"Dr. Campbell! He's squeezing on hand! He could be waking up!" I had a high pitched voice – I was _so happy._ My hell could be over.

"Dan! ok, umm, his heart monitor seems to be normal give me his hand a minute, let me try talk to him" I didn't want to let go of the tight gripped hand around mine – but I had to I guess.

"Hello? _Sir?_ Can you hear us? Nod or squeeze my hand for a yes" I watched as _the boy_ gently let his hand grip around Dr. Campbell's – _I was in pure shock. _He's waking! That's all what processed through my brain right now, I didn't care that I had the goofiest smile plastered on my face – _my love was waking up after 3 months._

_*15 minutes later*_

I was holding his hands again; he was now able to nod his head – just the slightest at us. I was really hoping for him to fully wake up before I had to go if not I would refuse to go home until I saw the glow I hoped there to be in his lovely eyes – _oh them eyes_ even though last time I saw them they were red and puffy I saw the hint of a deep blue – like the ocean so dreamy. By now I had completely given in to the feelings I had for him – _but I knew _when he woke I would deny them again, through embarrassment of being _gay._

_*2 hours later*_

I had fell back to sleep – he hadn't been moaning for awhile so I guess I fell asleep then. I got woken by a very tight squeeze on my hand, I woke up to a surprise, he was tilting his body left and right – _trying to come out._ I tightened my grip reassuring I was there so he wouldn't panic again. Then I saw him, his eyes fluttered open – _my heart melted_ I looked right into the sea of blue, they were bright and stood out in contrast to his pale skin and raven hair – _he looked perfect._ I found myself just staring at him while he kept fluttering his eyes – I called for Dr. Campbell once again he rushed in and saw _the boy_ awoken, his smile also appeared.

"Dr. Campbell! He's awake, Dr. Campbell! He's actually awake!" I blurted out without thinking – my head was a mess, the hell was over he was _safe._

"I see that _Dan. _Hi sir, how are you feeling? Do you remember anything?" Dr. Campbell asked _the boy._

**Phil P.O.V**

Am I awake? My eyes are open I can hear everyone around me, I turned my focus to a boy – around my age I guess – he had sweet deep caramel hair and chocolate eyes you could melt in – I looked down to see his hand in mine. I felt bad. I don't know him, was he someone important to me?... Then a doctor came in I heard _the boy_ talking to him, the doctor said _Dan_ I guess that was the name of _the boy_ next to me. Then he asked me if I remembered anything. _Crap._

"K-kind of…" that's all a managed to slur out of my dry and aching mouth. I then saw a huge _smile plastered_ on Dan's (I think that's his name) face – I tried a weak smile back at Dan – which only caused _him_ to smile bigger – revealing _dimples _he was cute – I emit that.

"What's your name?" the doctor asked, I had to think for a minute and then I remembered.

"P-Phillip, but p-please, only P-Phil" Then he went onto age and then I couldn't remember anything else, I frowned when he looked at me with a curious expression.

**Dan P.O.V**

I was so happy – he had managed to remember his name and age! Suck to you doctors saying he wouldn't remember _anything._ Two things are better than none!

'Phil' I kept repeating it in my head, it sounded so natural off my tongue – I smiled when I thought of that name, it was _his. His name is Phil._

aww. Katie couldn't bear to make Danny-boy even more upset – so I brag Phil's wakening closer. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will be writing 5 tonight and tomorrow, because I really want to HURRY UP AND GET TO THE GOOD BIT :D

I have such a good plan ready, I'm excited – I hope you all enjoy the plot when it comes – its odd but awesome in my opinion :3

soooo, thanks for reading WOW OMG 200 reads? GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. I was expecting like 5 reads – but no, Katie you get 200?! I've only been writing it since Saturday or Friday! You guys ARE AMAZING3

Stay Phan-ta-bulous ~ Katieee3


	5. Chapter 5 - All Clear

A/N: Sooo, sorry this one took longer than the other – I'm in the middle of mock week, I'll be done by Tuesday! Then I can publish a lot more :D

And also, when writing this I had Panic! At The Disco – This is Gospel, on, idk why I'm telling you this but – THEY ARE AMAZING, I just stumbled on one of their songs today (Tuesday) and I cant stop listening 3

**Dan P.O.V**

It still hasn't sunk in that _Phil_ – still cant get enough of that name – has woken up, its seemed like years waiting in the room, his heart monitor only being what was giving me hope. He had now been transferred back into the normal ward; Dr. Campbell made me go home before I found out where – I went to see him as soon as I got up in the morning, I hadn't slept at all I was up thinking about Phil hoping he would want to talk, then maybe I could get to know him – or help him remember himself..

I approached the doors to ward 8 to go to Robyn and see what room he'd been moved to overnight, I had to go before I watched him go.

"Hi Dan! Looking perky this morning! Here to see Phil I'm guessing?" She said with a smile on her face when I quickly walked to the desk. Did it really show how happy I was this morning?

"Yeah! What room did Dr. Campbell move him too yesterday night? I never got the chance to find out." I said as I crossed my arms and leant over the counter to talk to Robyn.

"He issssss, let me check" she typed on her computer before saying "he is in room 4, just go down to the end and its down there somewhere I guess you'll find it – you know you way around here like the back of your hand by now!" she laughed covering her mouth gently with her delicate hand.

"Ha-ha, I guess I do, thanks Robyn!" I walked in the direction of where she pointed – to my surprise I found Phil straight away. I hesitated before I opened the door, Dr Campbell said he doesn't think Phil will remember much from waking up – as its all a blur. I walked in and stood there as I saw his head rise, he was still in a room on his own but at least most of his machines had been detached and he was only connected to a cannula in his hand.

**Phil P.O.V**

I was just sat on my hospital bed thinking – quite hard, about who I am I had no idea about any family or friends it was quite scary only knowing your own name and age, I got cut from my thoughts when I heard the door creek open – it was most likely a doctor again coming to check my stats and everything – _again._

I was surprised when I saw – _a boy_ by my door not in a doctor's uniform or anything, just a boy. Wait I recognise him from somewhere – _he was there when I woke up! _I broke a small weak smile to welcome him in, he looked anxious and shy – but I kept smiling trying to act kind – I didn't remember him from before – did I know him?

"Hi, Daniel r-right?" I managed to stutter out as I had lack of breath still – being in a coma can be hard on your body, you know!

"Oh, Yeah I am Daniel, but I prefer Dan. Anyway Hi Phil, are you feeling ok?" his eyes were so dreamy and hard to take your eyes away from, I snapped back when he replied to me.

"Oh Sorry Dan. and I guess I am for a person who's just woke from a coma! I'm s-sorry" I caught my breath and carried on "d-did I know you b-before?" I looked at him in the eyes, if I didn't know him – who was he? I _really_ wanted to know.

"N-no you didn't, I s-saved you from the streets, you w-were in a hit and run…" Dan trailed off as he looked down, I could see his bottom lip quivering – was he crying?

"Oh, well I hope we become great _friends_, and are you c-crying?" I wanted to know more about him – he must have saved my _life_, and it must have been bad if he's crying about it, how long had I been out?

"Me too, you seem cool from what i've seen, I came to visit you everyday you know, I guess I'm really happy you're awake, it's been 3 months. Everyday I felt I needed to come – you didn't get any others visiting so I felt bad." He was now sat in the chair close by my bed fiddling with his fingers as he spoke – _he was cute _I guess.

"Really? That means a lot for a stranger to visit me for so long – _everyday? _And don't feel bad – I don't think I remember having any family here… I don't know its all fuzz after the crash and before it… I only can remember my name, age and some fragments from the crash – hey, did anyone bring a bag here? It got stole… and then I got hit so I can't remember…" My bag – it was the only thing that could help me remember stuff, but that scum-bag took it and made me get hit, I hope I get my bag back…

"Really? That's how it happened, I didn't know. And I'll go ask Robyn the receptionist." Then he walked out I couldn't help but smile to myself about all this – he _came_ everyday for _3 months_, wow.

**Dan P.O.V**

I went up to the desk where Robyn was sat, I didn't know if they had his bag or if they put it in his room…

"Oh, Hi again Dan, back again are we?" she said as she looked from her computer screen

"Yeah sorry to bother you, but Phil wants to know if he came here with a bag? He kind of is desperate for it – it's like it contains his life" I looked at her with a serious facial expression – I know he wasn't _that_ desperate, but I wanted to get it for him, it could've helped him remember.

"Err, look in the 'safe-case' for his room, here's the key" she leant over and gave me a single key – it was small I almost dropped it, as I wasn't properly awake yet from my sleepless night.

I walked back to Phil – he was just sat there fiddling with his thumbs as his hands linked together – he must be so confused on about what's happening, I can't help but feel bad for him.

"Hey, I got you 'safe-case' key, I'll see if your bags in there" I said quietly and calmly trying not to alarm him.

"Thanks Dan, I really want my bag…" he just sat there looking down at his hands – his big and pale blue eyes looked down as he kept fumbling.

I unlocked his 'safe-case' box which was always wheeled around with him where ever he went; I looked inside to find a bag. This must be what he was on about I reached in and got it, it was quite damp – bearing in mind it's been in the box for 3 months and still hasn't had a full chance to dry from being thrown on the floor by the thief I guess.

"Hey, Phil. Is this it?" I held the black duffle sort of bag up to his view

"My bag!" A smile had appeared on Phil's face, he looked so sweet… stop it Dan, you're not _falling for him._ I had to keep myself from having these thoughts really.

"Yep! Want some help looking through it? You know… your hand and everything." I said wondering why he wanted his bag _so much_. I guess just because it gave him hope of his old life – _I bet his life was amazing._

"Yes please, show me please!" his eyes had become bigger with excitement and need. He looked like a little kid on Christmas day I guess, ok _I emit it, and he looked cute._

I scavenged through his bag the first thing I pulled out was a small, fluffy lion plush toy, it looked a bit old and dirty but he had a toy in his bag? Aw- Dan stop it you _like girls._ "Hey, remember this little lion?" I said with a cheesy grin on my mouth as I held it up to him.

**Phil P.O.V**

Dan was going through my bag to pick something up and out came a small and fluffy lion cub toy. I liked lions I guess, and something about this little toy made me smile – I don't know why.

"N-no I don't but, c-can I hold it?" I said with a slight crack in my voice as I really just wanted to remember right now.

"Sure" Dan handed me the toy, I'm going to call it Lion, as it's a lion and I like lions.

"I'm calling it Lion" I let out a slight giggle as I said it which made Dan chuckle revealing _dimples_ – he gets _cuter_ every time he smiles.

"Good choice in names there Phil, very original" he said sarcastically, _this boy_ Dan, he was growing on me – I hope he doesn't ditch me when I'm out of this hospital… "Let's move on to something else" he said when I was just sat there staring at Lion – he must have been a childhood toy the amount of rips and dirt on him. **(Quick A/N: Remember Phil doesn't remember his dad beat him and he ran away, just saying in case you forgot ;) ok read now!)**

"Ok" I watched Dan look thought the bag pulling a few of my clothes out and placing them on top of my drawer, then he found some CD's I saw his face light up when he pulled a particular one out

"Muse!? You listen to Muse? I mean you did" he was smiling – I guess he's a big fan of Muse.

"I guess I did if I had their CD" I said forcefully pulling a half-smile at Dan still reading the back of the cover. Hs dimples were showing again, he was adorable sometimes.

"Hey Phil, What's this? It's got your name on" he held up a leather bracelet which had the name 'Phillip' engraved into it, that must have been my full name – I recognised it slightly, I had a mini flash back - _someone was holding it over my hand and dropped it in it before running off leaving me there. _I wonder why they were running… I got snapped back into reality when Dan repeated my name "Phil, Phil? You there Phil?"

"Yeah sorry I- I remember this, I can't remember who gave it me, it was a boy. And then he ran off leaving me alone… I can't remember much more. Was I going to get a lot of these flashback moments? I hope not they're annoying.

"That's good! I mean that you can remember but not that he left you." Dan reassured me from my thoughts with a gentle smile – his dimples didn't quite show _I wish they did they were adorable._

**Dan P.O.V**

I smiled at Phil when I realised he was worrying about the boy who left him with the bracelet, was it his boyfriend? – wait Dan you don't know he's gay! You can't just think that, I mentally slapped myself as I said all this in my head. Maybe it was his friend or his brother and maybe his farther but what farther would do that? Abandon or hurt their kid?

"Thanks Dan, I guess I'm just annoyed with the fact I can't remember anything really, its hard but I'll cope" he sounded sad still saying that, I couldn't help but frown at him – he didn't need to be strong, hold everything back I wanted to help him _so much_ but he was so tight about not letting things out. I was cut off replying by Dr. Campbell coming into check on things he seemed happy about something he smiled at us when he came in;

"Hey, Dan, Phil. Just wanted to ask how are you feeling now Phil? Dizzy? Sick? Ok?" I hoped Phil would say Ok, they may even let him home! Wait; does he even _know _where his home is?

"I'm feeling normal Dr. Campbell, I feel like I normally would I guess, Dan's helped a lot we even looked for things to trigger my memory, like this Lion and bracelet" Phil showed the Doctor his Lion and bracelet, I couldn't help but let a small blush creep onto my cheeks in a flushed shade of pink.

"That's great Phil! I'm glad to hear you're starting to get your memory back! You know what this means?" Dr. Campbell looked at me and Phil with a grin from ear to ear – could he be going _home?_

"What? What is it?" Phil asked him with hope in his eyes; I could tell he wanted to get out of this stuffy room.

"You're all clear!" Dr. Campbell paused for a minute before continuing "Phil, do you remember where your home is? Parents or anything?" he now had a more concerned facial expression – I knew he hadn't matched any 'missing' posters or WebPages but Phil didn't.

"N-no I d-don't" Phil looked down at his fingers I could tell he was about to cry as his bottom lip was quivering, I had to _help him_, it would be the only way he would let me help him.

"Dr. Campbell I-I'll take P-Phil in. Don't worry my mum said she doesn't mind a visitor we have room." I felt good about helping Phil; he meant a lot to me _friendly way_ – keep telling your self that Dan.


	6. Chapter 6 - Welcome Home

**Dan P.O.V**

I felt good saying that, I looked down at Phil lying on the hospital bed, I had only just noticed how pale he was, was he always that pale? Or was it because he's been inside in a coma for _so long? _I didn't mind him being pale I thought it made his beautiful blue eyes stand out more.

"If you're sure Dan that would be a great help for us, it really would be. Right Phil are _you_ ok with staying with Dan and his family? Until you can remember _your_ family and _your_ house?" I know this sounds bad but I didn't want Phil to remember much more, because he would have to leave then – stop it Dan he's _just another guy, with his _own_ life, and _own_ friends._

"Yeah! I would really like hanging out with him, he seems cool. And I may be able to remember stuff once I'm out! I can get my life back!" I saw a spark in Phil's eyes, he must have _loads_ of friends back at home, who wouldn't want to be friends with him he's perfect and beau- Dan, again stop.

"Then it's settled! Dan go call your mum and she can come pick you both up and then after a long time you can go home!" I nodded and quickly walked out of the room just to go call my mum and explain, 1 ring… 2 rings… 3 rings… pick up already… 4 rings…

"Hello? Who is calling?" Adrian had answered the phone,

"Hi Adrian! Is mum home? I _need_ to talk to her." I asked, hoping she would be, sooner she gets here, sooner Phil gets out.

"Err, I don't know Dan. and you seem _really _happy? I'll go call her one sec" there was a pause before I heard Adrian shout for her "MUUUUUMMM, DANS ON THE PHONE" then I heard someone run down the stairs and grab the phone from him.

"Dan! You wanted something? Has that boy woken up yet?" I forgot! I hadn't told anyone about him yet, I went straight to my room last night.

"Yes! He woke up last night! But... he's lost his memory he only remembered his name and age… His name is Phil. As he can't remember anything h-he doesn't know w-where…" I thought for a moment, will she be ok with a stranger in her home? "He l-lives… c-can h-he stay with u-us? P-please mum!" I felt a lump come up into my throat as I talked to her on the phone, I didn't want to cry she would get worried, just stay strong, there was a pause on the end of the phone,

"That's great to hear he woke up Bear! I'm glad you'll be happier now, and of course he can come stay with us, let him know ill be down the hospital soon as I get changed. What ward and room is he in, Dan?" I let a huge breath out I had been holing in when I heard my mother say that.

"Thanks _so so_ much, he's in ward 8 and room 4, I'm sure you'll find us." Then she said bye and hung up so I went back to Dr Campbell and Phil, he was just taking a few more samples and tests to make sure he was ok, Phil was out of the horrible hospital clothes now, he must have been able to change while I was on the phone.

"She said she's on her way, we have a spare room for you Phil, I'm glad I can help." I gave him a quick smile as I finished my sentence – it really did feel good.

**Phil P.O.V**

When I heard Dan say come stay with him and his family I felt a slight blush creep up to my cheeks, not a major one just a tint of pink – I didn't know why though.

"Thanks Dan. Are you sure it's ok? I could be there a while…" I just realised I didn't even know where I lived, or anything, I could be there forever, not that I wouldn't mind – I mean Dan is pretty perfect and I kind of have some feelings for him, it was probably just all the stuff he's down for me, it will wear off.

"We have money, food and space, we don't need anything else so you wont be a problem, I promise." He smiled again, showing that god damn dimple of his – how was he cute?

"T-thanks" after that he helped me put everything back into my bag as we had took everything out earlier, but I kept hold of Lion and had my bracelet on, they made me feel safe – as well as Dan that is. Within around half an hour a brown hair woman, with gentle curls in her hair and deep brown eyes – she looked a lot like Dan but with deeper brown hair, it must have been his mum as she came and gave Dan a hug before saying anything…

"You must be Phil? Dan may not say it but he's _very_ happy you're awake, you have no idea how _sad_ he was when you were in your coma." She smiled, showing a pair of dimples on each side of her smile that must be where Dan got it from. Wait he was sad when I was in my coma? Once again I felt a more hefty flush in my cheeks.

"Yeah I am, Mrs. Howell I'm guessing? And really?" I gave a quick and simple smile at her

"Yeah that's me! Right lets get you out of this silly hospital! You've been in here for months, and it's sunny – lucky day for you!" she was super nice and talkative – just like _Dan_ you really could tell he was her son not just by looks but personality.

When we arrived at their home I felt butterflies in my stomach, was it ok if I intruded their home? I felt kind of useless as I knew nothing about myself and had too make them take me in.

Their house was a simple detached home on a quite and beautiful street away from the foggy inner city of London. As we got to the front door Dan carried my bag for me as I was still weak and had trouble walking – once again feeling useless. Mrs. Howell opened the front door and stepped in keeping it open for us, the inside was even more beautiful than the outside, it was full of pictures and little nick-knacks of pottery and ornaments and even though it wasn't my home it had an odd home-ish feel about the place.

"Welcome Home, Phil – well until you want to move out or find your family or something" Mrs. Howell said smiling at me

"Yeah, welcome home. My brother Adrian is probably up in his room playing Xbox or something – you'll meet him at dinner I guess. Right tour time!" next thing I knew Dan is running around the house me following, while he opened each room saying what it is.

"This is the living room – umm, kitchen, oh upstairs!" he seemed energetic and happy I was here with him, it made me giggle a little.

"This is my room, yeah ignore the mess it's not normally that messy." He had tons of band posters all over his walls, and clothes sprawled all over the floor, I couldn't really tell the carpet colour.

"It's nice, I like your muse posters" he smiled and then dragged me 3 steps down the hall way and on the opposite side of the hall was another room.

"This is your room, so you're not that far away from me!" I laughed a little as he still seemed so happy, he opened my bedrooms door and when I stepped in I found just a normal room, bed, dresser, desk and a bedside table. "It doesn't have much in right now, sorry."

"It's fine, really. I didn't expect much, I don't want to be a bother." I sheepishly smiled at him as he put my bag down on my bed and left me to unpack.

**Dan P.O.V**

When I closed the door to Phil's room, I let a huge smile show as I trotted happily to my own room, I couldn't believe he was going to be staying here. I have a _really_ good feeling about this boy, I know I'm not _gay_, but my dad said I could be…I don't know. His eyes were amazing, his pale skin contrasting to his ebony hair, it just made him look like an angel – that sounds so odd, but it's how I feel.

I walked to my room, by now it was 6pm and dinner was nearly ready but I decided to put my headphones in and just think about what my farther had said a few days back…

_*1 hour later*_

"Dan! Phil! Adrian! Dinner is ready!" my mum shouted from the kitchen, I shot up and checked on Phil, he was just getting up, I gave him a quick smile and hello then we set downstairs.

"Hi boys, I hope chicken casserole is ok for you." She put the 4 plates down on the table – it felt odd normally it would only be 3 but I remembered about Phil now living here, still cant get over that.

"That's fine Mrs. Howell, I'm not fussy." Phil sat down in the seat next to me and my mum on the other side then Adrian came in and sat by my mum.

"Please Phil, call me Catharine or Cathy, no need to be so formal, Adrian say hi to Phil, he's the guy Dan was visiting, he's staying here for awhile."

**Phil P.O.V**

"Hi Phil. I heard about you" Adrian smiled at me before taking his seat next to Cathy.

"Hey, Adrian and sorry Cathy." Then we began munching on the casserole, my god it was the best food I could remember eating, "my god, Cathy this casserole is to _die_ for!" I cursed my self as I said it because I may have just sounded a tad too gay then.

"Aw, thanks Phil, how's yours Dan? Adrian?"

"Good." They both said in sync, I was guessing Adrian was about 12 by his slightly smaller appearance. Then we all went back to our rooms, without a word I decided to go to Dan and see if I could hang out with him, as I was bored.

"Dan?" I knocked on his door, "Can I come in?" I heard Dan say yeah so I went in.

"Hey. I was bored in my room, can I hang out with you or something?" I must have had a sheepish smile on my face as I still felt awkward around him – he made me get butterflies.

"Sure. We can play video games or something, what game?" he was now looking through his box of games.

"I don't mind, I cant really remember what ones I played back home, so which ever one you enjoy…" I felt a bit silly saying that but it was the truth and I didn't really mind what game we were playing I just wanted an excuse to talk and hang with him.

_*Time Skip: 3 days later*_

Me and Dan have been getting a lot closer as now I'm starting to settle in to things around here, I kind of enjoy this house _a lot_, there barely isn't a dull moment as Cathy is always prancing around singing – may I add an amazing singer she is, Dan and I always are playing video games especially Sonic and Crash bandicoot – Dan was still adorable and cute everyday.

I was getting bored on Crash Bandicoot while I was home alone while Dan and Adrian were at school and Cathy was at work. So I decided to take a doze, I'm still super tired even though I've technically been asleep 3 months, I have no energy I guess.

**Dan P.O.V**

10 minutes till the bell, and then I can go home to see Phil. I felt like me and Phil got on really well, I cant deny anything now, I think it is possible that I may be _bi_, I had feelings towards Phil since I saw him, not just 'Hey he's a good friend' sort more like 'asdfghjkl, I can't breath you're too perfect' sort of feelings, that is just how my brain is thinking about him.

When the bell went I ran out the classroom, quickly saying bye to Chris and PJ before going home. I walked to my house and then quietly opened the door.

"Phil? You here?" I didn't shout because he could be asleep, he has been a lot. I walked into the lounge to see Phil curled up in a tight ball on the sofa, fast asleep, he really did look like an angel while he was like this, I didn't want to wake him because then he would move so I just sat down on the sofa by his feet careful not to wake him and then shut my eyes as well, it had been a bad day at school.

_*some hours later*_

I woke up still on the sofa, I looked around and saw Phil still sound asleep I let a simple smile slide along my face and then checked the time, 9pm. I think I should wake him up, it's Friday night we could do something.

"Phil… Phil wake up…" I nudged his shoulder gently

"Mhgh?" I sniggered at the sound coming from his mouth he was so sweet when he was half asleep, he then turned over and buried his head into the arm of the couch, until I started to nudge him again

"Phhiiilll, you can't stay asleep! It's 9pm on a Friday! We could be doing stuff right now." I gently shook him now trying to wake him.

"Fiof fiof I sks" Once again made no sense.

"Phil, I can't understand you with your face in the arm of the couch" I giggled at him, he still was cute even when moaning.

"I said, ok ok I am" I smiled and he sat up stretching his arm up "so, what did you want to do? You awoke my slumber so you better have a good idea in mind" his voice was quite groggy but I didn't care

"I was thinking…" crap, I had no idea what we could do "… movie marathon?" I slide a sheepish smile on my face hoping he would be ok with it, I was mainly saying it because then we could be close together on the couch, I hope he'd like that.

**Phil P.O.V**

"I was thinking…" I waited for him while I rubbed my eyes "… movie marathon?" A spark flew in me, this could mean I get to sit close to him, if we watched some scary movies then I'd have an excuse to be extra close, hopefully he wouldn't mind.

"Yeah! Sure, what movies have you got?" please be scary please.

"Err; we have paranormal activity 1, 2, 3 and 4. 5 is out in cinema's though." Perfect, 4 scary films in a row, couldn't be that bad right? I _hate_ scary movies, I'm a jumpy person but I have Dan so I'll be ok I guess.

"Sure, as long as you want to watch them as well." I smiled at him while he put the first into the DVD player

_*1 hour later*_

By now I was getting proper scared, it's only been half way through the first one and I was too shy to hold Dan's hand, damn I'm a wimp.

"Phil? You ok? You look a bit scared." Dan asked.

"Err, not really. I don't like scary films they… scare me, but I'll be ok…" I felt like more of a wimp now saying that to him, he'll think I'm stupid or something.

**Dan P.O.V**

"Err, not really. I don't like scary films they… scare me, but I'll be ok…" I found that kind of adorable, he was scared – wait this could be my chance to cuddle or something with him!

"No it's fine Phil, come here I'll protect you, it's just a film" I held out my arms for him to lay in, which he did, I felt butterflies in my stomach as I wrapped my arms around him, he was trembling but I didn't car so I tightened my grip to reassure him – it felt _right._

"There see, not so bad is it?" snap I didn't mean to say that out loud "Uhm- I-I m-meant the f-film" phew good save Dan. I kept Phil in my arms he hardly removed his face from my chest though – it was cute but I could feel myself _falling for him._


	7. Chapter 7 - It's a Secret

**Dan P.O.V**

I stayed with my arms wrapped around Phil for the rest of the films, it was now 1am and he had fallen asleep on my chest, he looked so sweet and innocent, the films had finished so I turned off the TV with the remote trying not to wake the sleeping beauty. I just sat there for a while running my fingers through his hair- I couldn't help myself…

_I was gay. And I was falling for Phil._

"I'm home! Sorry, William didn't feel well so- Err, Dan?" It was Adrian, he was meant to be around a friend's house for the night why was he back? Crap! I'm cuddling with Phil, this must look odd.

"Oh, err, it's not what you th-" he cut me off.

"Dan? Why are you and Phil cuddling? Are you _gay for him?_" Those words hit me – yes I am but Phil doesn't know that and Adrian most certainly can't know his big brother is _gay_.

"Erm, no. I- Phil, w-was scared of t-the f-film, s-s-so I…" I trailed off hoping Adrian would get the point and go back to his room away from me and Phil,

"Dan, I don't care, it looks cute, haha. But what about Wallis? She's your _girlfriend_" I smiled at him, at least he wasn't a homophobic person, he supported me even though I wasn't even with Phil. But crap, yes Wallis, my girlfriend, what was I going to do about that? I knew I wasn't _in_ love with her- she was nice and all but Phil makes me feel different than she ever did, I'll have to talk to her tomorrow.

"Thanks Adrian. But I'm not together with Phil; I don't think he likes err- _boys._ Also I don't know, I'll talk to her tomorrow we were meeting up anyway, she'll understand- I think" I threw a sheepish smile at him to try convince him to shut up and go away because he would wake Phil, and I wanted to sleep like this – just me and Phil, cuddling.

"I'll leave you here then. And I bet he would, or he wouldn't have cuddled into you like that in the first place and ok what ever you say" he quickly tiptoed upstairs and I then heard his door shut. I kissed the top of the pale boys head his hair smelt like rainbows- it was that magical. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

**Phil P.O.V**

I woke up, there were a pair of warm and strong arms around my waist and my head rested on his chest. _It was Dan_. I didn't want to move I felt oddly safe in his arms, his nice and warm arms. I looked up to see that he was still sleeping so I shut my eyes again and smiled to myself, his t-shirt smelt so nice, it must have been his lynx spray. I felt butterflies in my stomach though, was he ok with cuddling? Did I force him to? Did he forget and fall asleep? I stopped the questions in my head when I heard a quite groan, I looked up and Dan's beautiful brown eyes began to flutter open.

"Morning Phil" he said his voice was still croaky as he had only just gotten up.

"Morning Dan. You're warm" I snuggled into his chest move proving my point he sniggered a little at my movement; he looked adorable with the dimple popping into show.

"That's good to know, what some breakfast?" He took his arms from around me and got up – I felt less warm but I guess it would be awkward if we kept cuddling.

"Yes please, have you got any poptarts left?" I grinned a cheeky smile towards him

"Yep, get up and make it yourself I need a shower, I'm meeting with Wallis in a bit" he said in a calm tone while stretching. Oh yeah, he has a girlfriend, _girl_ friend, I internally sighed at that fact. But I nodded anyway; I bet the cuddle was just friendly. I had _no chance_ with him, _at all_.

"Ok, you go have your shower; I'll put some in for you as well. What time are you meeting Wallis?" I faked a smile to try and show him I was fine with him having a girlfriend – but I really wasn't.

"10- Wait CRAP what time is it Phil?"

"Err-"I grabbed my phone and sighed it was 9:55 "9:55 you've got 5 minutes, till she-"I got cut off by the doorbell, must be Wallis.

"That must be Wallis- shit I look like crap" Dan then went upstairs to brush his teeth and then go out with his _girl_friend so I sank back into the sofa waiting for him to come back.

**Dan P.O.V**

I can't believe it's nearly 10, am I ready to break up with her? I thought I would have time to think about it in the shower but now I don't I'm stressing- I _don't_ love Wallis, but she's a great person, and I don't want to hurt her, what am I going to do?! I began to nibble on the inside of my lip so Phil didn't see my nervousness. My thoughts got cut off when the door bell went. Crap.

"Dan! It's Wallis! You coming lazy butt?" she had opened the door, she knew I'd most likely be asleep right now so she was used to it, but I wasn't asleep I was panicking silently.

"Yeah I'll meet you out front give me 5 minutes, I need to brush my teeth" I didn't know what I was going to say to her I could just go 'oh yeah Wallis I _like_ boys, so I'm breaking up with you' that would be mean and she'd hate me. I ran upstairs without a word to Phil who was just sunk in the seat.

I ran my hands through my hair as I locked the bathroom door, away from everyone so I could just _think._ Was it right that I broke up with Wallis, she was a good friend before I got together with her at a party, why cant I just emit to her that I like boys and cant be with her, what was making it so hard? I came out the bathroom and took a deep breath (of course after I brushed my teeth, which would beat the point in going upstairs) I ran downstairs and went out the door.

"Hey Baby! I've missed you, it's felt like _years_!" she wrapped her arms around me as soon as I came out the door, now I remember why I would find it hard to break up with her – she was clingy as _hell._

"Hi Wallis. It's not been that long I saw you yesterday at school..." I faked an effortless smile in her direction as I did it that much.

"Well, it _felt_ like years to me!" she leant up to kiss me, I couldn't kiss her, I didn't _like or love _her anymore, so I put my hand up in front of her face

"Baby! Why did you do that? Don't you want kisses?" she pouted trying to fool me

"No I don't, I cant be with you Wallis, I'm sorry. I like someone else" I ran back inside after I wriggled from her grip, it felt good but I could feel her glare on me as I went back in then I heard her scream.

"DANIEL!? YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS… WHO'S THE GIRL DAN? WHO IS SHE? I'LL KILL HER! SHE TOOK MY DANNY BOO AWAY!" damn she was madder than when the shoes she liked came off sale before she could get them.

I locked the door and a single tear ran down my cheek, it wasn't a _her, it was a he._ I ran up to my room and slammed the door then I heard Phil getting up and running to my door, he must have heard the whole thing, she was being quite loud.

*****_**Knock Knock**_* "Dan? It's Phil."

"Come in Phil…" I slapped the tears off my face, I had to look strong I couldn't be a wimp in front of Phil.

**Phil P.O.V**

When I heard the door slam and footsteps upstairs I knew something wasn't right, _really_ not right. I ran up after him when I heard Wallis screaming; he must have done something _really_ bad to upset or anger her this much.

I knocked on the door and he let me come in. Thankfully. He was on his bed cuddling the covers and his eyes were red and puffy – it was obvious he'd been crying.

"Hey… what happened?" I asked

"I-I Broke u-up with h-her, now s-she's a-angry" My heart sunk at the news, wait why did he break up with her? They seemed so perfect together – well as perfect as your crush and a _girl_ being together can be.

"What?! Dan, why?" I put my hand on his shoulder to try encourage him to tell me or at least stop sobbing.

"I lik- it d-doesn't matter" He was going to say something but I didn't want to push him, he would just get more upset, so instead to try make him feel better I opened my arms for him to come into, I wanted to comfort him and myself.

**PJ P.O.V**

**A/N: (What!? A PJ P.O.V you say? You'll see ;) kickthestickz coming soon to cinemas near you;) ok not really cinemas but - JUST READ).**

I sighed as I closed my bedroom door, I had just had another fight with my girlfriend Molly, she was being a bitch again – going clubbing sleeping around – I don't know why I cope with her bullshit, I should just get rid of her – I like someone different anyway.

I got out my phone – I didn't care anymore, she could be broken hearted for all I care she was a whore, I then texted her:

'_Hey, Molly I can't handle all these fights and bullshit any longer, so we're over. Don't bother trying to win me back – it will never be happening.' _

I hit send I felt good for awhile but then I realised, I was never going to be able to emit my love to the other person I like, it wasn't as simple as just going up to them and saying 'hey I like you, want to get together?' I've been friends with this person since I was like 8, the person was always there for me, it would be hard emitting my feelings but I'd have to at one point.

Chris came into my room as I had just called him 5 minutes ago, he was there for me when I needed him to be.

"Hey Chris"

"Hi Peej, so you finally ended it all with Molly?"

"Yeah, I couldn't take her bullshit anymore Chris. It was going to break me down!" I started to tear up but pulled them back – knowing Chris he put his arm around my shoulder.

"Talk it out PJ it always helps, trust me" I smiled at the thought of him caring and not just saying he does.

Then we talked for hours upon hours about why I did what I did and how much she made me hurt – I was glad to have a friend that close and could trust. I would most likely die for him.

**Mystery Man P.O.V (Ooo shit is going down soon)**

I can't believe what this boy has done, he was so stupid leaving this here, makes me laugh. I will find him; he won't get out of this that easy. I hope he realises this. I picked up my phone and dialled the number I had waiting for this time; it was all set what was going to be happening to this silly boy; hopefully no one will _get in the way_ or ruin this. I want the boy gone. Dead. Out of my life. No he doesn't deserve freedom, he should be dead, the worthless piece of trash.

"Jonathan? I-is it time…?" The younger boy said on the end of the phone.

"Yes. I know everything I need to bust him; he shouldn't of been so stupid now should he, my boy?" I sniggered at the thought of all this. It felt good.

"N-No he shouldn't sir. I'll be over in the week, begin telling me everything you want me to do for this to work, and I'll do it. For my mother." AH yes, his mother, that slut. I can't believe he still wants her back, she was rubbish anyway and at least I get a free bait boy, for all my dirty work out of having her.

"Good, now I've got a train ticket recite for where you need to go. Remember_, it's a secret,_ isn't it?"

"Y-Yes sir" I could hear the boys voice cracking, my power is so strong over him – he's scared. Bless.

"Good. Bye now, I'll see you in a week, no later, no earlier." I hung up and carried on drinking my bottle of wine.


	8. Chapter 8 - Realisations

**Chris P.O.V**

I was still sat on PJ's bed trying to comfort him when he had told me about Molly, I knew he actually cared for her but he was trying to put it in the back of his brain – which was good but I was worried about him, she messed him up real bad. I don't think I've seen PJ this distraught before since I've known him.

"PeeJ, want a cup of tea? It will cheer you up hopefully" I pulled a silly smile at him, I hated seeing him upset he was my best friend.

"Yeah thanks Chris, for listening."

"Hey. I'd do anything for you, I hate seeing you sad and you know that" I leaned in and hugged him – I think I lingered for too long.

"Yeah I know, I'll try perk up a bit." He let go and I went to make the teas I couldn't help but to think about what it would feel like with his lips on mine, soft and delicate. I went back in to see PJ had whipped his face from the tears, I smiled and gave him the freshly boiling drink and we carried on talking – when he talked I felt myself just looking at him, I couldn't help it – I've been in love with the guy for 2 years now, but he's straight and always will be.

"Chris? Can I um- do something, you don't need to put up with it if it makes you feel awkward." He sounded a bit un-easy as he spoke so I just went along with it.

"You can tell me anything PeeJ, come out with it then" I grinned at him as he let out a small heh before something happened.

"It's not something I can say, its something I'll have to show" and with that note he leant in and our hot tea tasting lips met, it was soft and sweet – just as I had imagined it for the past 2 years.

_I felt my heart uplifting, like it was trying to fly away._

**Dan P.O.V**

_***some days later***_

It was just another boring school day, at least it was Thursday and nearly Friday, I was sat with Chris and PJ (who have been acting different lately) on the schools field it was lunch time, I was floating into my own world thinking about everything – it felt good not having to cope with Wallis trying to kiss and sit on me all of lunch.

On my travels through my thoughts I realised that Phil still hasn't come back to school yet, he's 16 he needs to be in school. I'll have to ask him when I get home, hopefully we can get him a place at my school as then we're close together and don't need to worry about Phil getting lost.

_*back at home*_

"I'm home!" I called so that Phil knew I was back – he has began to get back to normal with sleeping patterns so I didn't need to worry about waking him. I heard steps down the stairs, it was Phil. He had his checked shirt and his black skinny jeans on – as always, he looked _so good._

"Hi Dan! How was school?" he said once he reached the living room where I was

"It went alright thanks. Hey, want to know what I was thinking at lunch time?" I knew I'd have to bring it up at one point so why not now?

"What was it? Did something happen?" he smiled at me and sunk into the seat next to me

"I was thinking; why don't you start at my school? You're 16 you need to be in education and you might as well be with me!" I smiled nervously as I didn't want Phil to feel pressured into it.

"That sounds awesome! I can't wait to start. Beats being a loner all day here on my own!" he smiled at me, which made me relax, at least that was over.

"Great! I'll talk to my mum when she's home, she'll do all that paper work shit and I think you'll be able to start on Monday"

"Sounds logical, hey want to go do something tomorrow? It would give me the chance to meet your friends before I start school because lets face it, I'm most likely hanging out with you for awhile" He laughed at himself as he said it I couldn't help but smile at the way his tongue sticks out the side of his mouth .

"Yeah! I know you don't like the paranormal movies but-" Phil cut me off

"Dan, you can watch 5 with you friends I'll be fine, even if I have to hide my face in you again." So he didn't mind snuggling? That's set it we're watching that film. I sound so self-centred about this now damn. Oh well, I bet Phil wouldn't mind.

"Yeah, thanks Phil and you can do that, I really don't mind" I felt a slight flush in my cheeks so in a dramatic tone of voice I quickly added "I'll protect you from all evil Phillip!" and faked a quick laugh to wear it down.

We turned on the TV and watched some sort of boring documentary about sloths, yes sloths. So I did my homework on the couch next to Phil while he watched the documentary. I don't know how he found it interesting but, he did.

**Phil P.O.V**

I began to get bored watching the sloth documentary, all they were doing was taking about where they were from, I decided to go to my room for a bit leaving Dan in peace to do his math homework. I walked up stairs and sat down on my bed and began to read. I was getting hot so I took off my jumper, then I saw them again.

_I saw scars. I saw marks. I saw parts of my past._

I didn't tell Dan that I had found self-harm marks on my body, he didn't need to know. I couldn't believe it at first; I thought I wasn't the sort of person to be doing that, my past must have been bad to drive me into self-harm. A single tear started to run down my cheek as I remembered a flashback I had around a week ago, I saw that guy running away after giving me the bracelet was he running from something that was hurting me? I don't know. It hurt to think about everything and I began to get frustrated as I wish _I knew my past_.

I got up off my bed and grabbed the book I was reading and threw it across the room at my wall, and then jumped back onto my bed and cried. _I hoped that Dan couldn't hear me crying_, I didn't want him to worry.

I was getting more frustrated than I normally would over this, normally I would just shake it off, but this time it had got into my brain, I wish it would stop and clean my sins of cutting.

**Dan P.O.V**

I was doing my homework, and I saw Phil going upstairs – he must have gotten bored of the show, it was quite boring, I thought nothing of it so I carried on with my homework.

"Grr, why can't 'x' find your self for once" I mumbled under my breath at the algebra on my page.

After awhile all in silence throughout the house, I heard a loud bang and a few loud sobs coming from upstairs, I jumped up to go see what had happened, it was only be and Phil home right now.

"Phil? It's Dan, can I come in?" I gently tapped on his door while I had my ear to it, he was crying.

"N-no Dan, I'm ok you don't need to worry, please g-go away" I heard his voice cracking when he spoke, of course I wasn't going to go away when he needed me.

"No Phil, what's wrong you can _always_, tell me what's wrong, please just talk to me!"

"I-I…" He trailed off, I heard him go silent, so I went in I don't care if he said to leave him alone – I wasn't going to do that.

When I walked into the door he was curled p in a might ball on his bed and him face stained with tear marks it was obvious he had been crying, his normal beautiful blue eyes red and puffy they were.

"Dan, I said go away, you don't need to worry about me, please" he didn't look at me but he knew I was in the room

"No Phil, I wont leave you alone you're clearly upset and I want to know why" I went and sat on his bed by his feet and gently placed my hand on his ankle to try make him relax, it wasn't working.

"Dan please. It's nothing please leave me be, I'll be ok" what was he hiding?

"Phil, please I want to help you. Just tell me what made you get into this state please" I shuffled up the bed a bit so I was sat up by his head behind him.

"D-Dan, I don't want to t-talk about i-it p-please" really Phil? I started to run my hand through his ebony hair, it was so soft and I just wanted Phil to stop crying

"Phil please stop being stubborn, please, I'm only trying to help you!" I was beginning to get frustrated with the childish way in which he was acting.

"You know what? Leave it, I said I'm fine but you're _so_ pushy!" Phil got up off the bed and began to walk out I had to do something quick.

I grabbed Phil's arm and pulled him back and, kissed him gently on the lips, his lips were a tiny bit salty from all the tears that he had shredded but they felt like heaven on earth when they touched mine, even for the short amount of time they did – _crap._ What if Phil isn't bi? Or gay? I would've just made it awkward and he will hate me even more. I pulled away and looked at him, his eyes were still red and puffy but they were just staring at me and his lips tugged into a small smile when we had parted.

"Phil, I'm sorry I didn't mean to, my feelings ma-" I got cut off by his lips touching mine again, that was the politest way anyone had ever told me to shut the fuck up before.

"It's ok Dan. I-I liked i-it" I couldn't help but cover my flushed cheeks, he liked it? Does that mean he likes _me?_

"R-really?" damn I sounded like an idiot but I guess I was in shock I had just kissed my crush and he was alright with it.

"Y-yeah, I mean. I-I like y-you, not j-just the k-k-kiss" I couldn't help but smile at his words, I saw his pale cheeks turn a vibrant red colour as he finished – god he was _beautiful._

"I l-like you t-too P-Phil" mine and his cheeks were now fully red you couldn't hind anything, it was _love, _not just a school-boy _crush._

I reached out and took his hand in mine as we sat there in silence for a few minutes to let it sink in, it wasn't awkward it was really _nice._ After a few minutes I heard Phil's voice pipe up a bit, he was mumbling something I couldn't quite here but then he looked up away from the duvet and right at me, his blue eyes penetrated through my soul as I couldn't help but glare at him when I saw him.

"Dan, will y-you be my b-boyfriend?" he flashed a sheepish smile at me, how could I refuse him? I've been waiting nearly 4 months for this moment, and it was shocking how it came so fast.

"Yes!" I said a little too happily and wrapped my arms around the fragile boy and hugged him tight and tighter when I felt his grip around me tighten a bit, he then placed a kiss to my cheek making it flare up red before just enjoying the hug.

_I wish I didn't have to let go._


	9. Chapter 9 - Suppressed Memories

**Phil P.O.V**

*Friday*

I couldn't of been happier to hear Dan's voice as he came home, I was so nervous about… asking him. But now we're both so happy to have had the courage that night, he didn't ask after why I had been crying; to be honest I didn't want him to know. Everything was _perfect_ right now, _nothing_ could change that.

"Hey Phil, hope you're ready to see Paranormal activity 5 later, don't worry I'll cuddle you if you get scared again" he gave me a slight wink and a kiss on the cheek as he put his bag down, did I mention _perfect?_

"Well be prepared for being squeezed to death or your hand falling off, because if it's as bad as the others then… well beware." I said in a jokey manor as we sat on the couch, I snuggled my head into the crook of Dan's neck and his arm wrapped around my waist and in this position we watched the repeats of Doctor Who till it was 6:00pm where we decided to go get ready as we were meeting PJ and Chris at 6:30 and then going cinema for 7:00. I had met them this morning when they came to walk with Dan to school as they were early – they seem nice.

"Dan, what should I wear? Is it cold out?" I know it wasn't formal or anything, but I didn't want to look like a sloth or freeze myself to death

"Err, it's chilly. Just wear a jumper." He replied and on the end in a quieter voice "because they look good on you" I let the small blush creep onto my hot cheeks, and then slid on my grey jumper with the word 'London' in blue on. I went to Dan's room to see if he was ready, he was applying his lynx spray – oh how it made me melt.

I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around him leading my head on his back taking in the freshly sprayed scent of my _boyfriend_. I smiled and let go.

"Let's a go!" I said in a particularly chirpy manor, I guess I sounded like a British Mario.

"I'll be down in 2, just sorting my hair" I shook my head, it didn't need sorting so I grabbed his hand and pulled him along downstairs to get out shoes and go. "Phiiiiil that's no fair" he said in his fake moaning voice I laughed and pecked his cheek before we set out to meet the guys.

*6:30pm*

We arrived at starbucks to a surprise Chris and PJ were sat inside having a drink, Dan said that they would be late; that's why we met up early.

"Hi guys, remember Phil? Yeah who couldn't" Dan said as he sat down on the other side of the table, me along side. I was wondering if he wanted to tell his friends me and him were together, it would make sense as most likely during the film I would be all over him **(Not that way, silly phangirls;).) **so it would make sense if he told them.

"Dan? Do you want to tell them about us? It's ok if you don't" I whispered in his ear while the others were chatting about the previous 4 films.

"I'll tell them, they're not homophobic so don't worry beautiful" he whispered back and quickly pecked my cheek before the others turned around. I was nervous, I hardly knew PJ and Chris so I dint know how they were going to react.

"Hey guys, before we set off to the cinema, uhm- there's something I outer tell you both." I squeezed his thigh gentle to reassure him I was ok with it. "Me and P-Phil are-" he got cut off my Chris blurting out is a female voice;

"You and Phil are together, we guessed. Hide your cheek kisses better, Dan" Chris gave us a wink and began to laugh at himself and PJ just smiled – I guess he was happy.

"Ok, I may have not hid that very well, guilty as said" Dan raised his hands and started to laugh as well – his dimple showing which just made my tummy funny and myself join in with the laughter.

"It's 6:50 lets head to the cinema, its only around the corner" PJ said and we all got up and headed to the cinema, when I felt a warm and familiar hand slide into mine. I just smiled at him.

We got out tickets and found our seats which were in front of a bunch of girls around out age, 16/17 I'm guessing, I hope they don't chatter all the way through – like they were at the moment. The film began and I was ok for around 10 minutes into it until I jumped at a scene and then relaxed as I felt Dan's arm sliding its way around me and him pushing my head to his chest – _he was perfect and nothing could change that._

Just as I thought everything was going alright, I had my perfect boyfriend and my 2 new friends by my side a scene in the film – it triggered something in side of me.

_*flashback*_

_I was walking around a corridor, I think schools, and a group of boys – I think I saw 5 of them. They were approaching me, I heard one call my name 'HEY faggot, Phil the faggot!' his voice shook me I watched myself run into the bathroom stalls and lock the door behind me._

_The door burst open with a loud crash; I was watching from above I could see myself and the boys glaring around the stalls like angry man-eating creatures. I was locked in a stall I had a small blade in my hand it was tinted red, was I self harming? No, I wouldn't, would I? I saw the guys smash open the door and then the biggest one picked me up by my collar and dragged me out; my new cut was bleeding badly. 'aw faggot Phil an emo as well now?' I heard one of them taunt. _

_They threw my on the floor and the kicks and punches being pelted at me right away, one had a hold of my wrist and was tightening the grip the cut was bleeding much more now. I heard myself whimpering from it all, in the end they picked me up by my legs and just threw me, threw me into a cubical, I stood and watched them snigger at the motionless body before walking out._

_I think someone shaking me, I didn't know who, then I opened my eyes._

_*reality* _

"Phil!? Phil, snap out of it! Please, I'm scared!" I heard a voice calling for me, it was Dan.

"Guys what do I do, he's having a flashback, its bad! He wont stop whimpering and screaming!" he said again, I couldn't snap myself away from the scenes running through my head. I knew part of my past, it wasn't pretty.

I finally snapped out of it and saw the beautiful deep brown eyes over me, but it wouldn't stop the scenes in my head, I got up out of Dan's clutch and ran back to the house, I had to stop the memories they were getting too much, I can't take it. _I needed a razor._

**Dan P.O.V**

Part way through the film I let Phil rest on my chest, he had started to get a bit frightened by it. I stroked my hand through his hair and hummed softly, but then another 'scary' part in the movie came on and he froze and then a few minuets after he was trembling and whimpering, it wasn't right. It wasn't the film. He was having a flashback, the film must have clicked something.

"Guys! Phil's having a flashback I cant get him out of it! Help me get him outside quickly!" I shouted in a whisper so they could hear me. I carried Phil out to the floor in the hall of the cinema, and put him in a chair – it was like he was stuck in the flashback, something must have been happening he was crying and screams often came – it was half an hour before he came out of it.

I sighed with relief when he looked at me with the sorrow in his eyes, but he wriggled away and ran, I didn't know what to do, did I go after him? Of course I did, he was my boyfriend, and he was in need.

I got to my house where I thought he would be, the door had been unlocked so I'm guessing he was in.

"Phil? Are you here?" I said quietly trying not to scare him, when I heard slight whimpers and movement upstairs, I ran upstairs and frantically checked all the rooms, the bathroom had been locked. I put my ear softly against it. He was in there.

"Phil, baby? Please open the door, I wont hurt you. I promise" I said keeping back the slight quiver in my cracking voice, I didn't want him to do something silly.

"D-Dan, h-help me t-they're c-coming. T-they'll get m-me." I sighed at him speaking – at least he wasn't dead.

"Open the door then, I'll help you. We'll be ok Phil, they can't get you" I stayed strong even though it was hard to keep the tears in at this point, I didn't want him upset.

I heard a click and then a quick scurry back to where he was sat before, I opened the door slowly. As soon as I opened it a tiny amount I saw the damage he had done to himself – he had shredded up his arms.

"Phil! What did you do! I'll clear it up, stand up please" I was in utter shock, I didn't think the flashback would be _this bad._

"O-ok, I-I'm so s-sorry Dan, I I-" I cut him off with a kiss, his lips were trembling but they relaxed a bit under the moment.

"It's ok Phil, lets get you clean now, we don't want anymore tears" I grabbed a damp cloth and dabbed the still fresh cuts with it gently, trying not to cause too much pain. After I wrapped them tightly with bandages to make sure they didn't keep bleeding, they were quite deep, but not too bad. I've seen cuts like it before – I was on with it,

"Phil, what happened? You had a flashback in the cinema, and then you left" I wrapped my arms around him as we lay with each other on my bed tightly together.

"_T-the captures_ they w-were g-going to k-k-kill me, Dan." he let out a quite sob into my shoulder and I only could hug tighter, who would these '_capturers' be?_

"Phil, who're they? Were they from your previous school? Can you remember?" I was beginning to relax my grip as it was becoming _really_ tight.

"Y-yes, b-but I don't k-know w-where the s-school w-was" I shushed him and told him to go to sleep, he had had a stress filled day and I wanted him better in the morning, also he was at peace during his sleep. _Normally._

**Phil P.O.V**

I fell asleep feeling safe in the arms of Dan, he was like my guardian Angel that I would do anything for, he was my life right now – I could be dead if he wasn't there to save me that day, if he hadn't came home after me to save me then.

I feel asleep after a few thoughts – all was at peace, I could hear the gentle thump of his heartbeat, but then it attacked – for the second time.

_*flashback*_

_I was in a room this time, it wasn't me watching this time, it was me being there. I saw a tall broad man coming into the room, I couldn't see his face or hear his voice, I could only feel the fear building in my chest and then bang._

_He had grabbed a belt and took off my top when I looked down it was a body full of scars and bruises. Out of nowhere he slashed me with the belt he was holding, I couldn't count how many times he had hit me; all I knew was that it was painful._

_I could hear a voice over all o the beatings and abuse going on, it wasn't the mans someone was talking to me through from the real world._

_I woke from the horrid nightmare._

_*reality*_

"Phil! Please, not again!" I felt Dan's warm hand shaking my shoulder gentle, my whole body was trembling and I saw tear stains from Dan's eyes down his cheeks, had he been crying? I wrapped my arms around him. I hugged him so tightly I didn't want to let go, he was protecting me.

I felt his soft lips on the top of my head and then his heartbeat slowing down, I fell asleep – peacefully this time with Dan stroking through my hair.

**Mystery Man P.O.V**

_*Monday*_

"Jonathan, is this really a good idea? What exactly did this boy do so wrong?" the younger boy asked the man in front of him.

"Do I have to answer to you? No I don't, now who's your boss boy_?_ Who is he?" I crackled down at the boy taunting him.

"Y-you sir Jonathan L. I'm sorry I asked" once again I just laughed, and then shoved the boy onto the train, we will find you little boy, you were very silly.

"Good to know I'm your boss. Don't worry, after your little 'mission' lets say, you'll be free, along with your mother, sound good?" only I knew he wouldn't be free, no one is ever free when they work for me, poor innocent _boy._

_We travelled to London, it was time. Payback time._


	10. Chapter 10 - School Days

**Phil P.O.V**

I was nervous about going to Dan's school, not because of him, because of the flashback I saw of myself in my supposed last school, I didn't want that to happen to me again. I was walking hand-in-hand along the path with Dan, we agreed to keep our 'status' low profile as many people could be homophobic there, so as soon as we turned the corner to the school, my hand fell cold. I took a deep breath; it couldn't be that bad could it?

"You ready Phil? I'll have to take you to the principal Ms. Walsh she's really nice so don't worry, I hope you're in some of my classes…" Dan said forcing a small smile onto his face, he was nervous for me as well, he told me when we were leaving.

"I'll be fine Dan, I'll stay low I don't want people to get to me easily. I know you want me to hang with you and PJ and Chris but I don't know, people will wonder who I am as you're so popular and all." I said with a slight lump in my throat, truth is I just didn't want Dan to be seen with a pale skin looser who 'doesn't fit' with populars.

"No Phil, you're coming to hang with my friends, you can meet some of my other as well. Its fine none of them will refuse to let you hang out with us, we're not like the stereotype popular group._ Promise_." I could see in his eyes and smile he was being truthful, so I smiled back and started to the school gates, missing the feel of his hand in mine but it had to be that way.

The school was quite big from the outside, looking down on me, I felt a few turns in my stomach as we entered the doors it was normal for this feeling on your first day _right?_

"Ok, I need to get to form time now, I'll see you later, meet me by this door if you cant find me or need me for something, or just text me." He looked around – the hall way was clear. He gave my hand a tight squeeze and a quick peck to the lips before heading up the corridor.

_Just knock Phil, can't be that bad, its only the principal._

"Come in, I don't bite." I heard a soft voice coming from inside – maybe Dan was right; she's a nice head-teacher.

"Uh- Uhm, Hi Miss. I'm Phil, the new student?" I said trying to put a confident face on so I don't look pathetic in front of her for the first time.

"Ah! I've been waiting for you Phil, Lester right? Mhm, ok. Take a seat." She was looking at a sheet of paper, her hair tied messily into a loose high bun and her blouse at least, it had some buttons done up.

"Yeah, Phil Lester. And ok" I took the seat opposite her desk and waited for her to take her sight off the sheet in her hand.

"Ok Phil, here's your timetable" she handed me the paper she was just reading, it looked like a bunch of boxes in a blue but I soon understood it "I'll escort you to your first period, which is form time, can you read what it is, just to check you know how to read the damn thing – it can get complicated" I scanned for Monday, ah form time.

"I have Mr. Sutton for form time in L8" I said looking up and putting the timetable in my backpack that I had borrowed from Dan as I couldn't lug round my trench bag which was all ripped around the school.

"Ah, you'll love this form, they are a right mix of good and bad, especially with Mr. Sutton's form, they're the best I've seen so full of joy and sprit, he's a great teacher and he is very kind, he'll take you in no problem" she smiled and standing up to lead me my way.

We got to the door, I was getting more butterflies now, I hope I knew someone in form as I was going to be there in the morning for half and hour as well as the afternoon everyday. She opened the door, but she told me to stay outside till she told Mr. Sutton I was joining the form.

She came back with a smile plastered on her face "Let's go Phil! The form are waiting, they don't know they've got a new pupil though" she let out a simple giggle before leading me in, I looked around I knew no one, but then a certain brown haired boy took my eye – Dan. I smiled he didn't notice he was spun around talking to some boys behind him on the back row.

"Class, we have a new pupil joining our form today, Phil Lester. Phil care to introduce you to the form? We like to know each other well." He was a chirpy teacher, his geeky glasses and head full of hair I guessed around his late 20's

Dan still hadn't turned around he was too deep in the conversation, I looked around the rest of the class were listening apart from the 3 students in the top left corner of the room, Dan and too friends I'm guessing. "Err, hi. I'm Phil and I like… computery stuff like filming?" I said timidly, I wasn't sure what to say.

"Ah! You sound interesting, now take a seat next to Dan, he's the one turned around not listening at the back- DAN TURN AROUND, for the fifth time so far, he turned around and locked glaze with me – I couldn't help but snigger at his face it was priceless. I went and sat where I was told to.

"Hey stranger" I said with a slight laugh in my voice

"Y-you're in my form? Omg yes!" he then did a little victory dance before introducing me to his 2 friends.

"Phil, this is Jack and Finn – as you can properly see they're twins" he said turning m around to face them – I see it now, I was a bit blind earlier I guess.

"Hi Phil." They said at the same time – freaky.

"Hey, its freaky how similar you two look" I let out a small 'heh' before the bell went I'm guessing I was in the office longer than I thought.

"C'mon Phil, I'll take you to your next lesson, what ya got?" Dan asked.

"Err, Art with Ms. Radford in D12, I'm so going to get lost in this school" I shook my head as I looked at the mini map I had been given as well as my timetable

"Nah, you wont I'll get you around, wait what room? D12? No way! I'm there as well! Freaky huh?!" I smiled and had to restrict my hands by placing them in my pockets so I didn't mistakenly slide mine into his, that would _be very awkward._

Nothing exciting had happened in Art, we just sat together and nearly broke out into a full on paint-war before Ms. Radford took the brushes off us and replaced them with crayons. I'll try being better next art lesson.

It was now break time and I had to go toilets so I left Dan to go to his friends and I'd catch up with him later, text him to help me find him or something. I went to the toilet, and when I was washing my hands the door opened, around 5 boys came in, all fairly built – I had a backpack on my shoulders, I was pale and some scars were showing from under my jumper where it had risen and I was on my own, I guess I looked like a target by their glances.

"Hi new boy, how are you today huh?" one of them said faking a grin to try seem friendly – most certainly did _not _seem friendly. I backed into the block holding the sink.

"H-Hi? I'm g-g-good" I stuttered out I didn't want that flashback to happen here, please oh god no.

"Too bad – we're going to make it hell. You look like a little emo-scum, pale skin, black hair, oh look!" one of them grabbed my wrist and rolled up the sleeve "he is an emo" I winced as some cuts were still healing

"P-please, let g-o, I d-did nothing" I tried to un-attach his grip with no luck, he was stronger than I thought, for my attempt he just gripped tighter, I winced once again.

"Aw, we'll let you go then little emo." He said sarcastically before I got a knee right in the stomach, I guess he did let go, but he didn't leave…

All at one time they took punches and kicks at me, my arms, legs, ribs, everywhere, I shield my head with my arms strongly, but then someone came in, I couldn't look up to see who it was I had my eyes squeezed shut in pain keeping back tears – they would only make it worse.

"Hey! Let him go! He didn't do anything." I heard the voice saying I couldn't hear him properly through all the throbbing in my head.

"Why should we? Aw you made friends with the emo boy? How cute I guess you can watch then, Jake, Matt grab him" I only then just realised who it was by opening one eye as two pairs of legs left me – Dan.

I got kicked in the head by the main boy – _and it all went black._

**Dan P.O.V**

"Hey guys, Phil is taking ages. I'm going to try find him he could be wandering the hallways lost like a puppy" I laughed joking around with the boys, along with some of the girls and set off to find Phil. Well he said he was going to the bathroom so I checked there first – my god I was right to check for him.

"Hey! Let him go! He didn't do anything." I shouted helplessly at the 5 kids, they were all in our year. Mason, Jordan, Adam, Jake and Matt. The school smokers, druggies, bullies you name it they're them yet teachers don't seem to 'notice' them.

"Why should we? Aw you made friends with the emo boy? How cute I guess you can watch then, Jake, Matt grab him" I was getting angry I could see Phil curled up in a tight ball on the filthy floor, I got grabbed by my two arms and yanked onto my knees I couldn't just watch the other 3 beat the living shit out of my _boyfriend,_ I tried to get out of their grasp but they had me tight.

Mason began kicking Phil again, I saw one go into his face and his arms went limp – they had just knocked him out. _Crap._ I struggled to get out again, no luck.

"Hey, Dan stop trying its not going to work, Mason wants what he wants" Jake said to me, he used to be one of my friends, until Mason promised him better status at the school – not to mention free tobacco and alcohol.

"He's just friggen knocked him _out_ I wont let it happen Jake!" after that Matt kicked my back making me crumple to the floor again to watch Phil's helpless body being kicked and hurt _it hurt me as well._

Finally Mason stopped with the kicks and hits, but picked Phil up and with the help of Adam threw him in the cubical, his limp body hitting into the crooked cubical shape. I managed to get free as they all left and go check on Phil

"_Phil. Phil, wake up please. I'm sorry it was all my fault" _I began to sob quietly into his hair, I didn't care if people saw me, I just wanted Phil to wake up, I wanted him to be ok. _It was all my fault. _

I waited holding him on my lap for around 10 minutes until his eyes began to gently flutter open, I smiled as I saw the flashes of blue and then a single tear tumbling down from the corner of his eye – _that tear was my fault._

"Phil, thank god you woke up. I was so worried. I'm sorry for leaving you alone I should of know Mason's group would search down the new boy, I'm so sorry please forgive me" I blabbered on hugging him tightly around the waist when he winced with pain I eased off a little.

"I-its ok Dan, you d-didn't mean to l-let them get me. I-I'm fine. C-can we go h-home? A-ask the n-nurse?" I leant down and gave him a peck on the lips and nodded at home before getting up, but Phil tried – but he couldn't. _he couldn't, it was my fault._

The nurse let us go home, as clearly Phil couldn't stand up and I said id take him hospital, but I couldn't he didn't want to. I took him home supporting him with my arm around his back and slowly we got home.

I let Phil lay on my bed while I went and made 2 hot chocolates and some toast.

**Phil P.O.V**

_I didn't want that flashback to happen. But it happened in its own way._

I lay on Dan's bed it smelt like him, cinnamon and a woody sent filled my nose, he had a perfect mix of smells. I winced when I tried to sit up so I laid back down, whishing all the pain and bruising to go away, it was sick they had beat me for having a few cuts_, they didn't know my past – neither did I._

Dan came back up with toast and hot chocolate – he knew me well, I let out a weak smile as he sat on the bed besides me and ran his fingers gently through my hair.

"Dan, I'm sorry I was a wimp"

"Phil, you were no way a wimp, they do it to almost every new-boy they come across with, I wish I stayed with you, I knew one of them he wouldn't have beat you if I was there." I sighed at what Dan had said, he felt guilt when it wasn't his fault all I could do was cuddle and sleep it away.

_Pain. Torture. Beatings. Queer. Gay. Faggot. Phil. _

These words kept running through my head as I snuggled into Dan's chest he made me feel safe yet I was so unsafe from my thoughts, they wouldn't stop, they were on loop in my messed up brain, I needed a release. The only way I already knew was cutting, I needed;

_A razor. _

I poked my head up from Dan's chest, saying I had to go bathroom he helped me up I know he didn't want me doing this but it would stop the pain it would stop my torture from the inside. He sat outside the door while I was supposed to be 'doing my business' but in reality I was looking for a razor or something.

"Phil you're taking a while are you ok?" Dan asked from outside, I wish I could say 'no' but I had to lie.

"Yeah just coming out now" my voice cracked in the end part, I found my razor and held it to my already torn up skin.

_Emo. Scum. Bastard. No-good-for-anyone. Worthless._

The words kept repeating adding more and more to the endless list, I let out a small cry when I felt the blood trickle down my arm.

"Phil? Are you crying? That's it I'm coming in." Dan opened the door I was frozen with the razor about to do a second cut, Dan's face was like the painting 'scream' he took the razor from my hand then looked at my wrist and crystal eyes filled with tears, I broke down in front of him.

"Phil! We agreed no more, what made you cut, was it Mason and his friends?" Dan's face had turned to concern, I shook my head it was but the words were the pain part.

"N-no, words are r-repeating in m-my head, ones that h-hurt. L-like; Queer, Faggot, Emo, Worthless, I c-couldn't take I-it Dan!" I had now fully started to shake, I felt worthless and I didn't deserve such a great boyfriend like Dan was to me, I was a wreck, I should've died them months back. _I shouldn't have been saved._

"oh, Phil… I don't know what to say, please let me clear the cut and then we can cuddle and you get some rest, mkay?" he got the cloth again – _it was too familiar._

Cuts attended to. Tears washed away. We lay in Dan's bed he had him arms strongly wrapped around my waist and mine were around his. He pecked my lips, it was soft and romantic at the same time – _I was ok._ Then I heard him whisper 5 words into my ear before I drifted to sleep happy and away from evil, my guardian angel's wings wrapped gently around my waist protecting me from all bad and evil.

"_I love you, my Angel"_


	11. Chapter 11 - The New Boy

**Phil P.O.V**

I woke up still in the arms of Dan, I nuzzled my head into his chest, I wish I didn't have to leave this bed – this _perfect_ moment. But I had to get up, and face that school again, I don't think Dan will let me away on my own now that I got beat up the other day, I was still sore but I'd be ok. I _really_ just want to stay at home today, stay in Dan's safe and warm arms, his _safe_ clutch around me – _my guardian angel._

I saw Dan move around a little before the beautiful brown eyes fluttered open looking down at me buried in his chest, I felt him squeeze me a little then kiss the top of my head before saying;

"Morning Phil" he smiled

"Morning Danny, sleep ok?" I shuffled up to face him in the face.

"Yeah, I think it's because I had you in my arms" he winked and then laughed "how cliché did that sound?" his dimple popped and made me giggle

"Very cliché but very cute as well" I kissed him, my tummy felt a bit over-happy and rumbled breaking the kiss

"Let's get your hungry belly something to eat and then its school time" I felt quite embarrassed at that – it was another one of them _perfect _moments, which I couldn't get enough of.

"Ok, race you!" my childish side came out and I quickly scurried out of bed and grabbing a dressing down running down listening to Dan groaning and trying to run behind – lets say he wasn't very athletic.

"Phiiiil, I don't run in the mornings, its no fairrr" he moaned as he stretched the 'i' and 'r' before grabbing a bowl of cereal Cathy had prepared for us before hand, she had work.

"Well, you cant say that. You're never athletic silly" I sat down opposite him, we ate our crave and then went back upstairs getting changed, I had to use a clean hoodie now that the one from yesterday had blood of yesterday all over, _I was being stupid._

We got to school untangling our hands before turning the corner and then walked in to go find Chris and PJ, they were sat on a bench outside the front doors, Chris had a hand on PJ's knee '_were they together?' _they would have told us if they were surely.

"Hey guys, getting comfy are we?" Dan said laughing – _I admired his laugh so much._

"Err- Yeah- Uh- Heh- funny thing is err- we're t-together? L-like err- y-ou and Phil" Pj managed to stutter out between breaths, why was he so nervous about telling us that? Its not like we're _homophobic._ Damn sake we're _gay duh._

"Knew this day would come!" Dan wiped fake tears from the corner of his eyes and did a mini dance – _he was perfect, too me._

"Good for you two, are you coming out orr-" I cut myself off as it was a stupid thing to say, in front of a whole school of homophobic idiots.

"Well, most of the school already knows thanks to Chris- kissing isn't a thing to do before entering school… is it Chris?" Pj looked over at Chris with disbelief in his eyes

"Don't blame me! It was my lips, not me! Pfft- don't worry, no one really cared most of the girls are all in awe right now" he pointed over to the group of year 10's looking over at us all giggling and hyperventilating when ever Chris and Pj even looked at each other – _girls can be odd._

Dan and I went to form, we had it first everyday I liked it because Jack and Finn were really funny and made the time fly by, when we sat in our seats Mr Sutton came in holding a thick wad of papers.

"Right class, seems to be our lucky week today, we have _another _student joining us today – Toby, you can come in now." I took a glace around to inspect the new student, he was quite tall and had messy blonde hair which curled at the bottom of it, he had vibrant blue eyes almost like me, his skin was like Dan's – _he looked hot._ Phil snap out of it, you have Dan.

"Err- Hi I'm Toby and I'm new?" he said awkwardly shaking his head in shame as Mr Sutton dropped some of the papers, which Toby helped him pick up.

"Where do I sit sir? And do I get like a tour person or something?" I heard Toby asking from the front when Dan had turned around to talk to Finn. I couldn't unlock my gaze at the boy.

**Dan P.O.V**

"DANIEL HOWELL. Turn around, not even Mason is talking right now. For that you will need to be showing Toby to his lessons and be his 'friend'" I grumbled I really didn't want to I had my own friends, yet he decides to pick me? Odd teacher. Could've picked Frank the quiet nerd who sat at the front, but nah.

"Sorry sir" I mumbled as I slouched in my chair, Phil just sniggered at my unfortunate pairing. "But sir, I've got my friends, why don't you pair him with Frank!" I only just realised how selfish and cruel I was being talking like that to Frank, he was a good lad he helped me with Math a lot before Phil came. "No offence Frank." I added.

"Daniel-" I cut him off

"It's just Dan, for the millionth time!" I was pretty annoyed, the guy looked like a looser to me anyway.

"Dan. Just be nice, its his first day, he'll find a group of friends soon, so just let him be with you till then, if not you'll get another detention on top of your one for lunch today for talking yesterday" Mr Sutton was a great teacher, but never, _never_ get on the wrong side of him.

"Yeah sir" I mumbled under my breath,

"Ah! Phillip, you didn't get your tour either did you? You had to leave early I see, go with Dan and Toby" I perked up at the mention of Phil being able to come along, as I grabbed my bag and took Toby and Phil out the door for their tour.

We had finished the tour and it was nearly break so we decided to just walk around some more. We were walking along in an awkward silence before Phil turned to me and started a conversation

"Hey, Dan?" he asked

"Yeah Phil?"

"Don't you think it could be a good thing Toby hanging around with us, we could get him friends as you know quite a lot of people right? Also as you have detention at lunch can he hang with me?" I thought about what Phil said of course I know I can make him popular, but I didn't trust him he had an edgy feel to him.

"I guess. I'll let him hang out with us for awhile if you want him to" I faked a simple smile at him to convince him I was fine with it.

"Thanks. Hey Toby! Wait up I want to talk with you!"

**Phil P.O.V**

I caught up with Toby; he looked up from the ground with a slight smile as he saw me standing by him.

"Hey, Phil right?" his voice was quite deep and shallow, it gave me the shivers.

"Yeah. I just wanted to know if you want to hang around with me and Dan at lunch? Or just me Dan has detention." I put a smile on my face, I wanted to know this guy he seemed pretty cool.

"Sure! I'd love to! Maybe we can see if we have much in common, like bands and stuff; it'll feel nice to have a friend, I didn't have one at my old school" my smile sunk at the news, how didn't he have friends? He seemed so nice.

"Awe, well you'll have plenty here! Dan is.. one of the populars he'll get you in the group and you'll have no problem fitting in I hope, and yeah id like that, I only got here yesterday you see" I smiled at him at the end as he smiled in return before shoving his hands in his pockets.

It was now lunch time, I gave Dan a quick and sneaky kiss on the cheek before he went to detention and I went to meet Toby outside his science room. When I got there Toby's blank face turned into a face full of happiness.

"Hey Phil! Want to go to the field and talk? Or do you want to hang with your mates as well" he asked still with that plastered smile on his face – it was freaky.

"Err- my friends will be ok on their own, there's plenty to not notice I'm not there. And sure to the field!" we walked side by side onto the field, it wasn't very crowded only a few circles of people sat around in places.

"So, where you come from?" I asked

"Err- Manchester. My err- dad made us move as he got a promotion in his err- work, what about you?" what was with all the 'errs' I wasn't that scary right?

"That's cool. I've always lived in London I err- just moved schools." I didn't know where I was from that's the problem.

"Cool. Why did you move?" he asked

"I'd rather not talk about it. Its kind of complicated" I lied. It wasn't complicated, I just couldn't remember simple as.

"Ok. Lets have something to eat I'm staving"

**Dan P.O.V**

I got out of detention as I had done the work Mr Sutton had set for me, so I went to find Phil, my journey was cut sort by a familiar ranting girl – _Wallis._ What did she want now? It's been awhile since we broke up, cant she face that I don't like her.

"Danny, I'm sorry for what I did, can we get back together? I miss you baby and I still love you even after your doubts" she fluttered her eyes at me and reached to play with my hair I grabbed her wrist before she could and put it down again, making he pout.

"No Wallis. You don't get it. I _don't _love you anymore. Dammit, I never did love you! You were so clingy it was hard to get rid of you!" I tried to keep my voice low so we didn't bring a crowd.

"Danny! Don't ever speak to me like that again! I know you're just kidding! You love me! Who doesn't, I'm blonde, pretty, have a skinny belly, big chest, and well I'm adorable, what's wrong with me that you don't like, I can change!?" she was counting on her fingers about everything that was suppose to be 'right' when they weren't.

"Well, you're not a _boy._" Crap. I just let it out that I was gay, god dammit, she'll make me tell who the guy is and if I do Phil will get beat up again even more for being Queer – _it's all my fault, again._

"Err- you're a faggot? Dan stop joking! You know you love, _me._ And I'm a girl, so you're straight. Don't try pull that on me" she laughed, she really was full of herself, I'm surprised that she didn't cheat on me when we were together – that I know of anyway.

"I'm not joking, now bye." I walked past her to go to the field, tears had began to come into the corner of my eyes but I slapped them away, I was being too weak. _Gay little faggot I was, a wimp, faggot everything bad._

"Hey Phil, oh and Toby" I said as I sat next to Toby and Phil while they ate their food, I got out an apple and began to munch on it.

"Hey Dan, you ok?" Toby asked.

"Yeah thanks, did you have a good lunch?" I tried to act friendly, but I didn't trust Toby.

"Yeah! It was great! It turns out Toby is _so much_ like me! Like we like the same; food, music, clothing sense, subjects and its like we were meant to be friends or something!" Phil blurted out without taking a breath.

_Toby's eyes told a complete different story to what his face was showing. He wasn't who he said he was, I can feel it in my stomach._


	12. Chapter 12 - Jealousy

**Dan P.O.V**

It was yet another day of waking up with my arms snaked around Phil's torso, he laid still sound asleep with his head buried into my chest and smile plastered on his sleeping face – _I was in awe. _Before I tried to shuffle out of bed I felt his hair brush along my bare chest he began to dig his way further into me, wrapping his arms around me. By now I knew he was also awake, we had school today so I had to reluctantly wiggle from his grip.

"Morning sleepy-head, time to get up. School in a bit" I said as I stood and watched him grab the pillow in his arms wriggling away from the light shining through the curtains.

"But I'm tired, I want sleep Dan" his sleepy voice was thick and groggy, but still sounded _so_ sexy.

"Well, to bad sucker! Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" I shouted as I pranced around the room finding clean clothes to wear.

"We have eggs and bacon?!" he suddenly shot up from the pillow and grinned.

"Nope, just trying to get you up! Worked well I guess, now go back to your room before my mu-" I was interrupted by a knock at the door

"Hi Da- Phil?" the look on her face was quite puzzled and in disbelief, well she just found her so called _straight_ son, getting changed while another boy in his bed.

"Hi Cathy" Phil said looking down, he must have been embarrassed.

"Dan, can we have a uhm- quick word, outside?" I follow her out into the hall where we talked, I had to come out, she was my mum.

"Dan, tell me the truth why is Phil in your bed? Truth." She crossed her arms and glared at me, urgh I'll tell her, I hope she'll be ok.

"Uhm- about that- uhh. H-he's kind of m-my b-b-boyfriend?" I stumbled out, I watched her face turn from stubborn and controlling to soft and a perfect 'o' formed of her mouth, she clasped her hand over her mouth. She then just took me in her arms and held me like she would when I was 5 and had scraped my knee on the playground, we haven't been that close since I grew up and I missed her warm and loving hugs, she finally spoke up after a minute or so of hugging and a kiss to my forehead.

"My little baby, all grown up and finally able to emit to his sexuality. I'm proud of you Dan; I kind of guessed you liked boys more than girls as when you were 7 when you always pointed out on TV how 'cute' the guys in the shows were compared to the girls. Thank-you for telling me. And Phil is a great guy as well; you too are _perfect_ for each other. I love you Daniel" she kissed my cheek multiple times before letting go of my cheeks

"Thanks for accepting me still mum, I love you too. And was I really like that? I-I never realised. I thought I was straight until I met Phil" I gave a sheepish smile at her as she came for another hug.

"You were! Now go get changed, I'll give you a lift to school along with Phil, you're running late" she went downstairs and I went back into my room where I found Phil curled up with his knees in his arms.

"Hey beautiful. Guess what?" I said as I looped my arms around him, sitting behind him. He relaxed a little with the contact from me.

"What? Did you tell her?" his voice had a tiny shiver in it, was he nervous about it?

"Yeah I did, she's fine with it. She figured out before me that I was gay, I don't know how I missed it to be honest" I laughed a bit, and felt Phil rest his head on my chest.

"That's good to hear; now we don't need to hide it from anyone at home. Just stay normal at school- I-I don't w-wan-" I cut him off.

"Phil, don't think about it, I wont let them bullies get you again, _I promise_" I kissed the top of his messy bed-head ebony hair before getting up and continuing to change for school after all we had an extra 30 minutes as my mum was taking us.

"Ok Dan, I'll go have a shower and change. Are we walking today? " I shook my head

"No my mums taking us, we would've been late if she didn't she said, but I think it's because she's overly happy" I broke out a bit of a laugh at the end, and Phil nodded and went to get a shower.

We arrived at school, the bell hadn't gone yet and hardly anyone was here yet. Apart from _Toby. _It always had to be him, why couldn't he leave his be luckily he was stood talking to a group of lads. I spoke to soon he caught us in his eye and was straight over with a generous "Hi!" and a wave.

"Hey Toby" Phil said with his usual chirpy manner.

"Hey Phil! Can I hang with you guys at lunch again today? It was fun last time! Also I have this cool new thing I want to show you, Phil I think you'd like it as you take photography" he winked deliberately at Phil, I didn't think it was meant playfully, _he was flirting with Phil._

"Cool! I'll love to see this thing, and also of course you can! Think of yourself as one of the boys!" Phil looked at me and I gave a nod I didn't want to upset him, but I didn't want to upset myself, so I decided to go class early as I couldn't stand the fact Toby was trying it with Phil. _My Phil._

"I'm going class, I need to talk to Mr Sutton before form about hum- a form for uhm- something" I then stood up gave a weak smile at Phil and walked to L block.

I sighed when I sat in my seat, Mr Sutton wasn't in yet and I just needed time to think. Think everything through. _Phil wouldn't fall for Toby. _I repeated this to myself various times before the bell rang and slowly my fellow form-students flooded in to their seat, I watched the door as I saw Toby and Phil coming in, Toby was talking to Phil. Phil was looking at him – _like he normally would to me._

"Class! Settle down!" and so the form time began, Toby and Phil kept talking over the few desks between so I resulted in spinning to Jack and Finn.

It was now lunch time and I went to meet Phil outside his photography room, he was taking awhile so I looked in and he was yet again stood there, talking with Toby. It seemed like he wouldn't stop talking and he didn't notice when I opened the door so I slowly shut it leaving them be and went to the bathrooms.

I sat down on the toilet seat – while it was down of course. And felt a warm tear build in the corner of my eye I let it run down my cheek and I heard a faint 'pip' as it hit the tiled flooring. The tears didn't stop neither did my thoughts – was Toby trying to steal Phil? He didn't know we were together but Phil knew that, so why didn't he just not lead Toby on – _I was Jealous._

I found it stupid being jealous, I knew Phil was loyal to me, he said he loves me so why should I care he talks to another boy – _more than me?_ I just sat there and balled my eyes out over a silly subject that I couldn't help.

**Phil P.O.V**

It was fun hanging out with Toby, me and him had a lot in common and I enjoyed his company – in a friendly way of course, I love Dan with all my heart I wouldn't leave him even if I had to.

"So Phil, that's how my new camera is better than yours, its clearly stated in the books now" Toby grinned at me after he was showing me his new camera his farther brought him for a moving gift.

"I must emit it's a pretty awesome camera, I wish I could try it out sometime, what about sometime next week?" I asked.

"Sure! You can come to my house and I'll set up some stuff which we can capture with all the focuses and zooms!" I smiled and then we left, Dan said he'll wait outside, but he wasn't there, where was he?

"I'm going to go find Dan, you go get some food or something? I haven't spoke to Dan all day I want to have a word with him" Toby nodded and we went out separate ways, I decided it would be best to text him as then I wouldn't be wondering around the halls for ages.

"_Hey beautiful, where are you? You said you'd wait outside my room in D block, but you're not here?3" _

I waited… and waited for a reply but there wasn't one for another 10 minutes, by now I had resulted to searching I took out my phone.

"_Hi Phil, it doesn't matter where I am, you go have fun with Toby. I'm fine don't worry."_

That text wasn't right, he would normally put a heart or something, and also I didn't like the tone it was obvious that he _wasn't_ ok. I kept searching around and then it hit me. He was upset, where would an upset person be? Toilet cubical.

**Toby P.O.V**

I hated what I would now have to do to Phil when he came round next week, I didn't see what Jonathan had against him, he was; sweet, kind, loving and very cute. But I had to, or he would Kill my mother. I decided to go to an empty classroom and phone him to give him an update.

"Ah, Toby. What's been happening, have you found the boy? Progress I hope. Remember I have your mother." His voice was cold, it gave me the shivers. _I couldn't believe I had to do this._

"I-I found Phil. He is very happy here, I hope you are happy with this but he's coming to my 'home' next week sometime, I'll uhm- need the f-fake parents. He c-could get superstitious i-if h-he r-recognises you" I barely managed to get out, I really didn't want to ruin this boys life. _He seemed happy and I would ruin that._

"Well done boy! You've made me very happy. I'll give you an extra week to pay your money and your mother is free. Well that is when I have Phil back in return." He sniggered over the phone, I wanted to save my mother from him, I knew what he was capable of and I couldn't stand much longer, he's had her weeks now I haven't seen her once, I've been living alone once he dropped me off at a house he pre-rented. He's somewhere in London and he was going to come and get Phil when I had him around mine. _I felt so guilty._


	13. Chapter 13 -Disruption In Paradise

**Phil P.O.V**

I was walking around the school, I checked S block toilets and D block but Dan wasn't in either of them, the only one left was H block, no one really went there because it's where most of the druggies go to do… their stuff. But I guess if you're upset you would want privacy. As it's nearly the end of break the 'guys' wont be in there. I walk in to the toilets, silence, but once I stand in there fully I begin to hear muffled sobs and tiny splashes of I'm guessing tears, was it Dan? I sighed and walked over to the only locked cubical and gently knock with the back of my hand.

"Dan? Is that you?" I kept my ear up to the door, I heard the sobs stop.

"Phil, go back with Toby, I'm fine really just please go I don't want to talk" It was Dan, its cute how he recognises my voice even when in a whisper.

"No Dan, I want to help you. Why are you crying? Or are you crying because it hella sounds like it" I knock again hoping he would open the door so I could hug him and make his pain go away.

"I-I'm not crying! I-I… just leave me be Phil. Please." Who does he think he's kidding? I know he's crying in there his voice has a weak crack in like another wave of tears are about to crash through his already salty and wet eyes.

"Dan you're not fooling me. Just open the door and we can talk about what ever is bothering you, remember _I love you." _I whispered the last part as I didn't want anyone to overhear my remark of passion towards the locked away boy.

"No! Please, I'm fine just- I-" he trailed off as his voice got a bit weaker, what was he doing in there?! I started to bang on the door I wasn't giving up, I loved him.

"Dan! What are you doing in there! If you don't open up I'm coming over" I huffed and walked into the cubical next to his and forgetting about the stinging pain in my back from the bullies earlier this weak climbed up on the toilet seat and started to climb up over the wall. When I tried to lift my leg a paralyzing pain shot up my back and made me fall to the floor with a crash, I couldn't feel my lower back and parts of my legs I could move them but I had numbness.

"Phil! What the hell happened?!" I heard Dan open the door of his cubical and running over to my side, he knelt down I couldn't help but notice the dried tear marks and fresh tears in his eyes.

"I-I- tried to get over to you but my back- from the beat up- it made me fall and I cant feel my legs, I can move them though. Dan I'm sorry please stop crying" I looked up into the watery hazel eyes filled with glistening tears which appeared to be nearly spilling down his tanned cheeks

"Phil! Why? I said you didn't have to worry about me I'm _fine_. And don't worry they're properly in shock here let me help you up" He wasn't _fine_. Does he think I'm stupid? My back is really hurting but I won't let it stop me finding out what Dan is upset about.

"No Dan, I don't need your _help._ Why won't you tell me what you've been crying about? I can see your eyes are puffy and red so don't fucking _lie." _I didn't want it to come out that harshly, oh crap. "Dan I-I Di-" His eyes started to water more, what did I do?

"Save it Phil. You made your point clear. Bye" He stands up and runs out the toilet block with his hands wiping tears from his cheeks, I'm so stupid.

I got up slowly and painfully but just fell back down again so I tried to call Dan to tell him I'm sorry but he didn't pick up, I've messed up big time. But it was his fault he should have told me why he was upset and then he wouldn't have gotten shouted at. I didn't want to shout but the pain in my back and the pain of seeing him cry made me snap. Was he just being childish about all this? Why was he crying? I don't understand.

I decided to try getting up again in a bit, for now I'll sit here and think about everything, I really am;

_Emo. Cutter. Queer. Faggot. Worthless. 'Go Die'. 'Commit Suicide'._

**Dan P.O.V**

I did the right thing, he will be happy with Toby. I wiped the last few remains of tears dried on my face before entering my maths class, oh crap I have to sit next to Phil in this lesson, that's if he gets here. I feel like shit leaving him on the toilet floor, his back could be injured! But he didn't want my help so why should I care? Because I love him, that's why I should care. Too late now Dan, you fucked up big time now. I said to myself before going in.

"DANIEL HOWELL. Late, why is this?" oh yeah I forgot I had Mr Carter the strictest teacher in school.

"Err- talking to my form tutor- Mr Sutton- about something. Sorry sir, I'll sit down now" I went to my seat and sat down leaning against the wall we were trying to fit x into brackets today- _oh how fun._ I started to doodle instead of working so it looked like I was note taking.

10 minutes… 30 minutes… crap where is Phil? 40minutes… end of lesson. Phil didn't turn up, I began to worry what if he couldn't actually get up? I shrugged it off, I should be angry with him for snapping at me for not telling him what was wrong. The other day I didn't snap like that when he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, I kissed him and all sadness went away, he didn't even think to try anything like that. He was being pushy and wouldn't leave me alone.

Tears started to well up in my eyes again, hopefully when the end of the school day hits he'll be curled up in bed and then I can come kiss his forehead and it will all be ok again. _Like it should be. _But I'm glad he hadn't found out what I was hiding, he would think I was over jealous and everything it wouldn't do us any good, well neither did this but it happened now I can't help what happened

The final bell went so I decided to head home, the quickest way down the risky streets; I had to get home fast. I was hoping Phil would be there, and will forgive me for being stubborn earlier. But to hell was I wrong about him being at home. _I ran over to them._

**Phil P.O.V**

I managed to get the strength to get up by last bell and slowly make my way out of school hoping I wouldn't run into Dan, I just wanted to get home and hide under my covers until everything was over until I was dead, then everyone would be happy wouldn't they? Yeah they would. Who wants a worthless faggot in their life? Dan doesn't or he wouldn't have stormed out of the room like he did, maybe he did care maybe I was too harsh. I certainly did care for Dan but I hated the fact he didn't want to tell me the reason he was upset.

I walked down the eerie street hardly anyone was out here yet as I had set off 5 minutes before the bell. The street was quite and peaceful, maybe too peaceful I had a bad feeling walking down here on my own, I knew it was where most of the school bullies and druggies hang out but it was the quickest way home avoiding Dan of course.

I was walking for a good few minutes before what I hoped wouldn't happen, happened. They started to yell at me and I tried to walk faster but I physically couldn't my back was struggling to cope with the fast movement so I had to slow down even though I knew what was coming my way.

"Oi! Faggot Phil!" one of them yelled I didn't pick up their names last time but clearly they have learnt mine.

"We're gonna get you good today, awe looks like lover boy ain't here to save you this time faggot" the biggest one of them growled as he cracked his knuckles, I gulped as all 5 of them stared to tower over me I was the same height as most of them but a bit smaller than the others, I was also a bony figure where as they had a built torso and arms that could wipe you out with one blow to the head or chest.

"P-Please I D-didn't d-do anyth-" I got cut off by a clear blow to the belly, making me loose my breath for a minute then one took out my legs leaving me fumbling with my knees holding them close trying to protect my vital organs, hey I need them.

"Awe, gonna' go cry to mummy and daddy? Suck it up man only faggots cry- oh wait you're a fucking faggot!" I couldn't help the tears coming from my eyes, I was pretty sure that they had broken a few ribs by now, each hit or kick felt 100 times the amount of pain as the last, this added to the pain in my lower back I wouldn't be going home tonight, not unless someone helped me, but who would try and help and beat up faggot? Nobody.

A less important person from the biggest decided to pick me up and pin me against the wall while on took off my trousers, revealing many scars scattered along my thighs and then off came my top, I heard them laugh as they saw my littered arms filled with past depression lease scars, I let another tear run down my red cheek. It was freezing and they had thrown my clothes into the murky drain water on the edge of the street so there was no way I could get them back. They emptied the content off my bag as two stronger boys held me to the wall. Crap. I had my back up blade in there, in case of me needing to cut and Dan not being there to hold me, they would find it, they would hurt me with it.

"Awe, faggot is all emo with his self harm and blade? How sweat, do you want us to help?" He smirked at me and I shook my head viciously as he brought the blade to my thigh first and ran it down vertically deeper than he should of, the blood spilled from the wound and made me nearly scream in pain but one then clasped their hand over my dry mouth, he moved onto the next leg not even looking up at my expression. I wriggled under their touch as tried to free myself but I couldn't. they didn't care that I was getting hurt and weaker by the second, they didn't care about anything.

"I think that's enough for the legs how about the face? Hmm…" he patted the sharp blade gentle this time over parts of my face will I frantically tried to move away from their grip, they were too strong.

"No! P-please, anywhere b-but my f-face!" I managed to get out while the boy lifted his hand from my mouth for a split second.

"Too bad faggot" I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed for it to be a dream. He put the blade onto my cheek and dragged it along my cheek down to the corner of my lip and then dropped the blade I felt the others quickly let go and I fell to the floor in a shivering mess. I kept my eyes closed as I heard the footsteps fade into the distance, after picking up my clothes off the floor.

_Did someone come? Why did they go? Will I die here? Am I really alone?_

"Phil! Open your eyes please, please don't do this. I'm sorry- so so sorry please open up!" I recognised the voice in an instance – Dan

I tried to open my eyes but the pain just made me shut them straight after I couldn't move anything without a strike of pain running through the whole of my body, as cliché as it sounds it was like a stampede of buffalo were running around in my body, everywhere.

"D-Dan, I-I-" He cut me off, he wasn't mad at me anymore, I couldn't be mad at him either, right now I really did need him.

"Shh, Phil. What happened to your clothes? Did they take them?" I nodded my head gently trying not to cause anymore pain to my already battered body. I tried to keep the tears back by biting my bottom lip.

"Don't worry you'll be ok. I'm here now and I won't leave your side, got that?" I nodded again, I felt his warm lips on the top of my forehead, and then he gently scooped me up. One arm under my knee caps and one under my arms. I weakly wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me home, I felt safer in his arms than I thought I would, there was some thing about Dan that was special, I'm lucky to have him in my life.

We got home and Dan carried me upstairs to the bathroom where he cleaned up my legs I felt quite self conscious about my body and the fact I was only in my boxers in front of Dan, I shouldn't feel conscious about that but I do. I jump back when the cold cloth dabs on the open wounds on my thighs making Dan look up at me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you" he said pouting a bit.

"It was the bullies fault in like this Dan, don't blame it on yourself please. It just stung a bit that's all" I forced a crooked smile onto my cut face making a new trickle of blood run down my cheek hitting my lip, the iron taste made me feel queasy.

"You wouldn't of had to go that way if I hadn't of stormed out on you earlier, it was my fault they caught you. I'm so sorry Phil. I didn't want anything to happen to you again it should be me suffering. _Why can't it be me." _I supped his cheek in my hand and he nuzzled into it letting a fresh tear spew from his already wet eyes, I hated seeing him cry so I quickly wiped it away with my thumb and pecked him on the lips letting him carry on clearing me up.

"Just don't think about it like that. They would've seen me anyway at school and beat me so it's really not your fault. And stop saying it should be you, you did nothing wrong because you're a saint and haven't done anything to deserve being beaten, where as I have, I have scars on my wrists that's why they pick me Dan. nothing else. I'm _fine_. And I love you" I leant back on the wall where we were sat watching him frown but then look up at me the big brown eyes penetrating into my soul making me go into 'awe' mode. He leant up and whispered in my ear.

"I love you more than you could imagine Phil" and as he leant away hit gently bit the bottom of my ear I held in the small moan that would have came out of my mouth at that point.

When we had finished clearing my face and legs and bandaged them up he carried me into my room and lay down next to me, he curled into a tight ball in my chest I twisted my arms around him and held him tight. A few more tears came from his eyes but then his sobs stopped. _He fell asleep._ I kissed the top of his hair and stayed there just thinking about today while he slept in paradise.

I couldn't help the voice in the back of my head repeating them words again and again, it wasn't my fault that I couldn't ignore them, they seemed so true and the person saying them sounded familiar but I couldn't pin it to a face.

_Worthless. Emo. Cunt. Faggot. Queer. 'Go Die'._


	14. Chapter 14 - Oblivious

**A/N: I'm sorry in advance about any pain that I may cause your feels. Here comes the main story line, you better sit back it's a biggon.**

***Week Skip!***

**Phil P.O.V**

I woke up on the front rooms sofa, with my arms tangled around a cosy, warm body – Dan's body. I cuddled him gently in my arms, hoping not to wake him it was perfect the last week, we haven't fought, cried or anything of the sort. Just he and I happy in each others arms at night and warm kisses throughout the day. I rested my head on Dan's gently. He was curled in a small ball of innocence on my lap. We must have fallen asleep after out movie marathon last night, which we have agreed to have every Friday we're home alone. I watched the boy on my lap stir a bit in his sleep, noticing he was waking up I kissed the top of his head gently nuzzling my face into the warm aroma of apples and burnt hair from where he had straitened it along with various other fragrances of his hair.

"Morning Dan" I said as he rubbed his eyes adjusting to the bright light beaming through the crack in the curtains.

"Morning babe" he planted a soft yet passionate kiss on my lips as he reached his head up looking at me with them chestnut eyes that could make me felt at his finger tips when ever we made eye contact. Then he shuffled back down onto my chest and buried his head into it, I simply snaked my arms around his torso.

I checked the time to see if I could fall back to sleep, 10:00am. _Crap._ I was meant to be going to Toby's today, I was going to test out his new camera and stuff. I was meant to be getting there for 11 and he lives a good 15 minutes away. I need to get everything ready? Great.

"Err- Dan? I need to go to Toby's in ¾ of an hour, and I need a shower so can you get off me please?" I fiddled with a strand of his hair waiting for him to reply, he stayed silent before he did.

"Yeah ok. Go shower, I'll put some toast in for you as well?" he said looking up at me still resting on my chest, his eyes looked sad but he put on a smile.

"Yeah thanks beautiful" I kissed his nose gently and he got up and went to the kitchen and I went to the bathroom.

When I got into the bathroom I tried to avoid the mirror on the wall above the sink, I didn't want to be reminded of the ugly mess which was myself. I took off my clothes not looking at the scars that littered my body. I walked into the shower and washed myself. As I got out I could hear Dan singing to some muse from the kitchen, I laughed a little before grabbing a towel and drying myself before wrapping it around my waist. I started to walk out of the bathroom when I saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I froze for a minute before turning around and looking at the boy in the mirror who was starring at me, a scar which was prominent, ran from his cheek bone down to the corner of his lip which was forced into a slight frown, his pale skin looked like he was a ghost. He was me and I couldn't get that out of my head. I looked like shit. And I felt it too. I had to hide these feelings from Dan, he's done too much. I whipped the tears from under my eyes, I had to be strong. _For Dan. My love._

I ran back down stairs as I could smell burning, what in hell was that boy doing this time?

"Dan what's burning?" I asked as I popped my head around the corner of the door as I was still in my towel.

"Err- toast?" he blushed slightly and I just face palmed at his failed attempt and ran back upstairs to get some clothes on before going back down to sort him out, he was adorably stupid at times, how much skill is needed really to burn _toast?_

"Come here you useless bundle of adorableness" I said as I walked back into the kitchen taking the toast from his hands and placing it in the bin before checking the time – I had another half an hour so I was good for now.

"Phil, do you want some doughnuts instead? Not that good for breakfast but… I want food." Dan grinned at me with a cheesy expression.

**(A/N: Eyey Robyn, this is what I was on about on kik;) Also if you watched the radio show yesterday you will know why I put this in randomly;).)**

"Yeah sure. As long as we can do the challenge, you know where you try not to lick your lips? It will be fun. Please, please Danny!" I begged, I've always wanted to try it as I haven't before, Dan let out a slight laugh before nodding his head his dimple on full show.

"Sure. But I will win, I bet you!" he said while he got the doughnuts from the counter, we sat at the breakfast bar and had a doughnut each. We glared at each other.

"THIS IS WAR DANIEL HOWELL!" I screamed as I took my first bite from the doughnut so did he, we ate the doughnuts slowly, trying not to lick out lips, keeping eye contact until I licked my lips, it was natural reflex, don't blame me!

"I win! Ha!" he then licked the rest of the sugar off his lips before I huffed and crossed my arms in a fake strop way.

"No fair! It was my reflex!" I defended, it didn't work he just laughed.

We sat cuddling on the sofa for the remaining time before I had to go. I checked the time - crap I've got 5 minutes to get there but he lives 15 minutes away, I haven't even gotten the props he asked to bring, I'll be late crap.

"Dan, sorry I need to go I'm going to be late otherwise! Sorry, I'll be back for about 6 this evening ok? _I love you Dan._" I quickly pecked him on the lips and as I ran for the door I grabbed my phone and headphones stuffing them into my pocket, slamming the door behind me.

I ran to Toby's house but I was still late, hopefully he didn't mind. When I got to his address the house bowed over me like it was going to eat me up, it was tall but not wide, it was dull cement not bricks, it looked like a prison from the outside. Hopefully inside will be better; it kind of started to freak me out.

Just before I was going to turn around as he wasn't answering he appeared at the door, he invited me in quickly, his home was nice but it didn't have much in, it wasn't on the nicest side of town I guess. He led me up to his room where his camera was set up and there was a blanket covering the wall I suppose he was going to be filming there.

"So, Phil. What do you want to film as you've forgotten the props I was hoping you would bring." He asked while plonking himself onto the bed, I hesitated but sat down next to him, we were quite close now but I still felt awkward in his home, he said his parents weren't home, but I was curious. It was the weekend why wouldn't they be in? I shrugged off the thought.

"Err- I don't know, we could go to the local par-" I got cut off rudely.

"NO!- I mean err- we cant leave the house because- err- my dad don't want us to leave the house unattended- because err-" he stumbled off, he was acting quite odd today, why was he snappy?

"It's ok Toby, you could have just said no, there was no need to snap" I said leaning back a bit to show that I was getting a bit curious about what he was hiding, he was hiding something right?

"Sorry, I just don't feel very well, do you want me to show you what the camera can do then?" he asked, I nodded my head and we got up and went over to the tripod which had the camera set up on. I must emit it was a pretty awesome camera.

"It's awesome Toby! How did you afford it? Its really cool, may I hold it?" I asked wary of his answer.

"Yeah sure. I don't know, I just got it as a gift really, nothing magical." He started before starting to point out the multiple effects and settings of the camera. After awhile we got bored and decided it was time for some food, the rest of Toby's house was dim and hadn't got much in either- _it didn't feel like a home, more like a prison._

"Err- we have bread and nutella, that's about it. Is that ok?" I nodded and Toby started to get the stuff out, being awkward I asked what I should do and he said to just sit at the table so I did. I didn't like the feel here; they didn't have much food, much of anything really. Was this even an actual home? I've seen poverty housing better than here and from what Toby says he is quite well-off with money.

"Here you go! One nutella sandwich, enjoy!" He placed the cracked plate down in front of me while going around to the other side to eat his while facing me. We talked about different thing, nothing in particular, mainly about home life. I told him I lived with Dan and that I had been in a crash so I hardly knew anything, I didn't think I would tell him that but it slipped out I guess.

"So yeah, I had no memory and then Dan took me in after my coma and then here we are! Living together with his brother and mum" I finished and Toby looked at me gone out I guess he was shocked it was quite complicated as he doesn't know why Dan stayed by my side for them months, that was mine and Dan's (well and his families) little secret.

"T-that's a l-lot of stuff going on i-in y-your life Phil, I feel bad f-for you" he managed to stutter out as he was on an edge of a breakdown. He looked down at his food, once again;

_It wasn't that bad? Why was he nearly crying? Did he know something I didn't? Am I overreacting?_

**Dan P.O.V**

I wasn't mad at Phil for leaving in such a rush, I understood he didn't want Toby to think he was ditching him. But I just didn't feel right him going over there, anything could happen, _what if he doesn't come back? _I'm just paranoid, I trust Phil wouldn't leave me like that, at least he took his phone. Why was I so worried about Toby? Well not Toby but Phil hanging around with him, I hardly know the boy he could just be really nice and sweet but I have an odd feeling that I've not felt before. Then it hits me. _I must be jealous._ I've never been the jealous type, never. But I guess with Phil it was different he meant so much to me.

I decided to practise my piano work, something I kept from Phil. I thought he would think its stupid to play a piano, for some odd reason. I sat on the stool and started the press the keys letting my hands glide while I let go of all my thoughts and worries. _Phil is fine. Toby isn't going to do anything._

I spent longer than I thought I did playing the piano, it was now around 1 o'clock and while I was sucked in by the music my mum had gone out shopping and came back, I ran downstairs to see her and get some crisps. _S-she was crying? What's happened?_

"Mum? Why are you crying?" I asked gingerly walking up to the crying figure on the sofa.

"D-Dan, sit d-down" he voice was raspy and cold, what happened? Please don't let it be Phil.

"Hun, you know Aunt Clara and the kids?" I wiped the tears off her cheeks and held her in my arms and I nodded in reply to her question. Clara was the best aunt ever, she was nearly as close as me and my own mum, maybe even more I sometimes counted her as my second mum. And her kids, Damian and Becky, they were so close and I was close with them as well they were twins we are all in the same year I grew up with them.

"I-I- S-she's gone" what did she mean by gone? No, no pain please.

"Mum what do you mean gone?" I could feel a rather large lump in my throat now, mum burst into another whirl-wind of tears as she sat up to look me in the eye.

"Dan, she's d-d-dead. She was in a car crash this morning" she said it with such pain in her voice, Aunt Clara w-was dead?! This can't be! I saw her on Thursday living a happy life with my cousins Damian and Becky, she was fine, and then the life got sucked from her by a car?! She was too young to die, she doesn't deserve to die! She was a great person, loving, caring, warm hearted, and everything! I went into shock I closed my mouth as I realised it was gaping open.

"D-dead?! What are you on about! She can't be dead! No! Don't lie to me mum please! Please tell me its all a joke and Becky and Damian still have their mum! Please!" I watched her face turn to sorrow as I panicked and stood up above her throwing my arms around, I didn't want to believe it.

"D-Dan. Becky is in hospital… Damian... h-he didn't make it. They were all in the car. I'm not lying, I'm so sorry Dan please calm down!" fresh tears ran down my face, 2 of my closes family. _Dead. Gone. Never coming back._ And then a 3rd dying alone, only to wake up to news she cant imagine.

"I can't deal with this mum! Why? Why them, they didn't deserve this! They were great people!" I shouted at my mum, instantly feeling bad as I saw another tear dribble down her cheek, I forgot Clara was her sister… I ran upstairs and dived onto my bed, trying to cry the pain away, sadly it wasn't going to work. I needed Phil's arms right now, his warm hugs and kisses, his eyes staring at me in all innocence, I needed Phil. But I couldn't have him, he was over at Toby's house, not coming back till 6.

**Toby P.O.V**

Phil went to the toilet, and I got sucked in with all my thoughts. I can't believe I'm going through with this plan; Phil has gone through so much, more than he knows he has. I can't believe Jonathan wants me to do this too him, I need to call Jonathan tell him I can't go through with what he asked me to do. He can kill me if he really wants to; I have nothing to live for.

"Hello? Ah! Toby. Phil around yours now?" I couldn't get my words out I knew what he would ask next and I just don't want it all to happen, Phil is to innocent, he did nothing.

"Y-Yes, he's in the house." My voice was shaking and I could hear his faint snigger as I fumble over my words.

"Good boy. Now I'm coming over, you know what's next _right?_ You can't tell anyone, make him stay till I get there. Thank-you Toby. Phil is in my hands now, he won't get out _again._" I held back a muffled sob as I heard him talk about Phil that way, I just wanted to scream at him and tell Phil to run, run away and run back to Dan's warm house. _But I Couldn't. _Jonathan had my own mother against me, I knew what he could do and he killed my farther. I've been under his control for a few years now since farther died, he took mother because he wanted a risky job and I refused so he took her as bait.

"Ok Jonathan. I'll keep him here" and then the line went dead I slid down off the sofa and began to cry until I heard Phil's footsteps coming back downstairs, he couldn't see me cry, nobody can see me cry.

**Phil P.O.V**

I could hear Toby on the phone downstairs, just not that well I didn't want to intrude on the call as it could be private so I stayed upstairs in the bathroom for a bit longer, just looking at myself through the reflection, I looked like crap. I sighed and heard Toby drop the phone, which was my cue to go downstairs.

To my surprise Toby was in a heap on the floor eyes red and puffy but no tears.

"Toby? Are you ok?" I asked gingerly walking over to the broken boy in front of me.

"Yeah. I'm fine, want to play videogames?" I nodded and we played till half 5 when I realised I had to go home, I liked hanging with Toby and didn't want t but I had to go back to Dan, I don't want to leave him. Also I'd take any chance to getting out this house; I really didn't like the feel here.

"Err- Toby, I've got to get home, Dan is expecting me back by 6" I asked as I put my controller down, I saw a flash of pain and regret across Toby's eyes, the door bell rang. I figured I'd get it as I walked out Toby sat there head in hands shaking his head as if saying don't go.

"Hello?" I asked looking down as I opened the door.

"Hi Phil. Where you off to?" I looked up at the large figure above me; I recognised the evil grimace on his face, the identical scar on his face, the beaming of his eyes right into my soul. _My farther._

"D-Dad? Get out my way I'm going back to Dan's!" I tried to push my way past him but I couldn't he was still strong; I suddenly remembered everything he had done to me and mum… before she went. I looked up at him trying not to show the pain in my eyes.

"_You're not going anywhere. Phil." _

My heart sunk, I was trapped and he had got me. I had no escape and nothing I could say or do to change his mind. _I'm so oblivious._


	15. Chapter 15 - Betrayed and Beaten

**Dan P.O.V**

The pain, the pain of loosing family. It's too much for my already pain ridden heart. I'm curled up in a tight ball on my bed, no arms wrapped around me, nothing to tell me it's ok, it's not ok but even if someone said it, it would help in the slightest of ways. All I want is some warm arms, snaked around me while I cry, _I want Phil._ I check the time on my phone, 8pm. Phil said he would be home by 6:00? Where is he? I can't bear to loose him as well. _I need him._ Who knows what I would do if he somehow got taken away from me? I'd go insane.

I got up and texted Phil to see if he was on his way home;

"**Hey beautiful, just wondering, where the hell are you! It's 8pm and you said you'll be back by 6 :( are you still with Toby? I need you right now, I have a feeling I'm going insane Phil! I found some bad news :( Please come home, I need you here to let me cry into your arms, please? 3 3"**

I clicked send. It wasn't too desperate right? He's only been out an extra 2 hours… but I really did need him pale yet comforting arms wrapped around me right now. My head was getting jammed up with millions of thoughts, I couldn't handle it. Today hadn't been a good day, and I was about to do something I would never thought that I, Daniel James Howell, would ever do. It's the pain what causes the mind to do this; they say this helps to release the pain, and then my head can settle again. One thing I couldn't stand though was the sight of my own blood.

I got up off my bed, I've been laying there since half 1 every part of my body aches from not moving and being glued to a position. I stretch my arms and legs before walking over to the bathroom. I knew Phil kept a share blade in here some where, I just didn't know where, it had to be well hidden or my family would have found it.

I finally found the loose razor blade, I held it tight in my hand before doing anything to my fragile skin. I was nervous; I had never done it before, never. I noticed a slim trickle of blood down my hand, I didn't realise I was holding the blade fully in my hand so tight, it felt good to see the blood, but it hurt. I got the already bloody blade from my hand and held it gently to my right wrist, before dragging it slightly across. It pieced the delicate untouched, skin; I saw the flesh open and red come out dripping to the floor from my self inflicted wound. I did two on my right and two on my left. I stopped when I felt some-what relieved from the blood coming from my skin. I normally hate blood, but now I admire it.

I dapped antiseptic on them and hissed I bandaged them so none of my family could see them and Phil if he came back. I went back into my room quickly and jumped onto my bed, I checked my phone in case Phil had replied and no he hadn't. I sighed and remembered what I had been doing 5 minutes earlier, why did I do it? I wasn't desperate, I'm so weak. I closed my eyes and fell asleep hoping the pain, the sorrow, the worthlessness, the heart wrenching breaking of me, leave my system only to be invited by the devil into a land of nightmares. No one was there to save me from their grasps like I was for Phil. _I was alone._

**Phil P.O.V**

My mouth dropped open as if I was trying to catch flies, what did he mean 'not going anywhere?!' I have to get back to Dan! He can't stop me! I start to get mini-flash backs, he was defiantly my farther, I remember now how I ended up in London, I ran away.

"What do you mean! I have to go back, please! I didn't do anything, please!" I begged him but all it got me was a harsh slap to my face, I held my hand up onto it, that hand that power, it was the man from my flashback after the cinema.

"Shut up, you worthless piece of trash and get back into the house!" he said as I stumbled back in astonishment, I ran into the room when I saw Toby, a tear was sliding down his cheek as he looked up with an apologetic look. Did he know my farther? Did he tell him where I was?

"Toby! Up now. You're not leaving; did you really think your mother was still alive? Did you really think I would let you go? Too bad, once I have you under my wing, there is no going back boy. Learn my ways you will be my _son, _not this faggot" I got a slap to the back of my head, he was telling Toby he was now his 'son'? so Toby was in on all of this? I can't believe it, he betrayed me, he lied to me.

"Yes Jonathan, I will stay by you till I die, I'm sorry for doubting your power over my family" Toby gazed at the floor another tear rolling down his cheek.

"Good _son._ Now for you Phil, want to know what your punishment is for running away? Before I start though, lets just say, say thanks to your dear friend Toby for leading me to you." He grinned at me, evil. That's all I saw, his teeth were chipped and yellow and his breath stank of alcohol and tobacco.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOBY! Y-YOU TOLD HIM? YOU BETRAYED ME! I TRUSTED YOU-YOU-" I got cut off with a kick in the back of my legs, I fell on to the dirty and dusty floor facedown I rubbed my nose. I didn't mean to shout, I was in shock. _I trusted Toby._

"What was that?! Didn't you hear me you little fucker? SHUT UP!" Jonathan's voice boomed through the walls and floor making it vibrate under me, I couldn't help but cry. I wouldn't dare call him my farther, he wasn't worthy and he disowned me replacing me with Toby.

I got a foot in my back mid-thought; I knew where this was going. This was my punishment of running away that day. I managed to curl my legs up to my chest before the rest came; he kicked me all over each one bringing a new bruise to my already battered body.

I managed to open an eye while he was still hitting and beating me, I saw Toby in the corner hands over his mouth; hadn't he have no mercy? Nothing to try help me? Just standing there watching Jonathan do this? I got a fairly hard kick to the stomach which made me scream and close my eyes again. Jonathan walked off I knew because the impact had stopped, was it over? Had he gave me my beating for today? Could I go home? I saw Toby running over to me in a frantic, I looked at him with disgust in my eyes and I grabbed onto my pain-bleeding stomach.

"Phil! Omg, are you ok? I'm sorry, sorry, so sorry- I'm sorry, Phil! I didn't know, he said you were in some bad shit and he needed to get you, I didn't know Phil! I didn't know swear! I'm so sorry; please talk to me _– PLEASE_!" I could hear the crack in Toby's voice was he being an actor? Or being heartfelt?

"I- I- I can't t-take your s-s-sorry, y-you b-betrayed me. I-" I wash cut short for breath and then Jonathan came back into the room, I gulped he had a kettle in his hand, I could see the steam rising from the nozzle, it wasn't over, it was just the beginning. _I was betrayed and beaten_. I had no escape, I had nothing. I was a piece of worthless crap that deserved this beating and betrayal, I didn't have anything.

"What was this I hear? Toby? Socializing with faggot boy hmm? I don't allow it go to your room. NOW" Toby scampered out the room I heard his feet on the stairs and the door slamming shut, I was now alone with the monster.

_Just like before, just 4 months back._

He came over to me with the raging and boiled kettle in his greasy hand. He stood over my quivering body and tilted the kettle the water started to pour out and when it hit my shoulder and splashed onto my face, I felt a ear-wrenching scream emit from my mouth, the pain was unbearable, the blistering skin all along my back and parts of my face.

I heard my phone go off from the sofa, I had a text. Jonathan saw my screen light up and I tried to move to grab it but I was too weak, he got to my phone. He read the text aloud in a silly girl voice;

"**Hey beautiful, just wondering, where the hell are you! It's 8pm and you said you'll be back by 6 :( are you still with Toby? I need you right now, I have a feeling I'm going insane Phil! I found some bad news :( Please come home, I need you here to let me cry into your arms, please? 3 3"**

"So, you really are a faggot? Who's your faggot boyfriend? Dan I assume. Don't worry I'll find him. Make sure he's safe for you" he gave me an evil grin with a wink at the end, no! I won't let him get Dan, he's too innocent and he doesn't deserve it! Jonathan took the SIM card from my phone. "And for being such a fail of a son considered this an improvement" he threw my phone at the wall and it smashed into millions of tiny pieces, I saw glass from the screen on the floor. I can't get to Dan. his text was going to be ignored. And I couldn't warn him about Jonathan or what he's doing. Dan sounded desperate for me but I could help him, what if he did something stupid? What if he really was depressed? _It's entirely my fault._

I lay there in thought and pain as he made his way upstairs with the kettle, I thought, was he going to get Toby with it? No he wouldn't. That's when I heard Toby's high pitched scream and I heard Jonathan laugh with no mercy. Toby nor Dan deserve beatings or anything from Jonathan, only I do, as he said I was a shit son, I must have been for him too hate me this much. I don't remember what started all this, I only can remember the beatings, them never ending beatings.

_I let out a downpour of tears, I couldn't do anything._

**PJ P.O.V**

Chris and I were sat on the sofa eating popcorn while watching Disney films, his choice not mine. It was the perfect moment, I had my arms wrapped around him like a baby and his head lay in the mix of my brown curls I looked into them murky colour eyes and saw only perfection. Our little moment was ruined when I got a text; from Dan.

"**PJ, I'm going insane! Please come help, I need some friends right now; I'll explain when you're here. Please! I'm begging you! x"**

What was happening? I shot up and grabbed Chris's arm before shooting out the door phone in hand and shoes on feet. Chris stumbled behind me properly wondering what the hell is happening.

"We _need_ to get to Dan's he's in need, quickly RUN!" I ran off and Chris pulled a worried expression and ran after me. We got to Dan's house and went in shouting up to him, and saying sorry to his mum who was in the living room doorway looking oddly at us.

"Dan? It's PJ and Chris, open the door" I said and I heard fumbling and then the sound of his lock I burst in and instantly wrapped my hands around his neck, I was worried I thought he had done something to himself.

"I- I- I can't take it PJ" I heard him mumble into my jacket

"What happened? Where's Phil?" my voice was weak and I was also in panic, had Phil left Dan? where was Phil now? Did something else happen?

"I- I- I don't know! H-he said he'd be b-back b-by 6 and i-it's 8 now. A-also y-you know my a-aunt C-Clara? S-s-she's dead! And s-s-o is Damian! B-but Becky is i-in hospit-tal. I- I- can't take it!" I let Dan cry onto my already tear stained jacket, where did Phil even go? Why doesn't Dan call him or text? And Clara… he was so close to them. I cant imagine the confusion and pain he's got going on in his head. I couldn't help but notice the bandages on his arms, Phil wore them… what did Dan do?

"Shh, Shh it's ok Dan…" I cooed into his hair Chris stood there in shock I'm guessing. "Where did Phil go Dan? also why are your arms in bandages?" I tightened my grip around him.

"I- I- cut PeeJ, I'm sorry! I couldn't take the pain! And he said Toby's" Dan let another wave of tears and distress over come him. He cut? Was this a one off or has he always? And also… Toby? Dan never trusted him, what the hell was happening.

"Dan, was this your first time… you know… cutting? And also don't worry I bet Phil is just a bit late" I rubbed my hand on his back before releasing the shivering boy from my grasp and looking at him as he fell into Chris's arms.

"Yes, it was. I- I didn't know what to d-do. I'm s-so s-s-sorry guys" Dan let one last tear dribble down his plump red cheek, no dimple showing, no expression, just depression and disbelief.

_He was breaking. I could tell._


	16. Chapter 16 - I'll Save You

_***Month Skip***_

**Dan P.O.V**

I can't take this pain, it's been a month since Phil's been gone now, I try forgetting about it sometimes, but I can't. The pain it has caused me, what if he's dead? No Dan you can't think like that, you'll go insane. I haven't been going out much, all I have been able to do if feel sorry for myself and curl under my covers and hope to wake up from this nightmare with Phil's cosy arms gently wrapped around me. But no. this is reality, not a dream, nor a nightmare. _Reality_.

I look at my arms; there aren't just them 2 scars on each arm now. There are many, I can still see my skin though, I never believed depression could affect me, I was always a happy child. Phil changed me in so many ways. But now he's gone, and I don't know how I am going to get him back. Will I get him back?

I haven't tried. I'm selfish I haven't bothered trying to find him, I've not been well enough, but maybe today I could try? I wish to see them vibrant blue eyes again, and feel his arms around me. I have to get to him, somehow. But how? All I know is that he was at- That's it! I can find Toby's house and ask him, he would know, right? I might be able to get to Phil or one step closer to him.

I decided to awaken from my cocoon of duvets and pillows, I haven't moved since yesterday morning, and that was only to get some food. I stretched out my arms and legs before grabbing a fresh pair of clothes not forgetting a jumper, I looked through my wardrobe. I noticed a red hoodie, Phil's. My eyes start to water again but I brush them away gently and take out the hoodie taking in the still fresh smell of vanilla and somehow refreshing coconut – his '_oh so'_ familiar smell.

I move off the hoodie carefully placing it away, dragging my own over my head and whizzing downstairs, I'll skip food I didn't need it, I'd be _fine. _I headed out the door when I heard my mum call;

"Dan! Where are you going?" I turned back around and shouted in.

"To find Phil and you can't stop me!" I slammed the door even though it wasn't needed. I wanted to get to Toby's fast. I couldn't bare the thought of Phil being happy with Toby. What am I saying? He may not even be there! I can't get my hopes up, I'll just break myself even more.

I found Toby's house, it was obvious as Phil had talked about where he lived before he went. Went away. Not coming back. Dan stop it! Stop your thoughts; keep a clear head for Toby. I knocked on his door it made a slight clang unlike a wooden door would.

"He- oh Dan. You can't be here, go b-before h-he gets here" Toby shooed me away with his hands; he had a black eye and purple and red bruises all over his face? What was happening here? Who's 'he'?

"Toby, I not going until you tell me where the hell is Phil. And what's up with your face? Lastly why can't I be here, who's 'he'?" all the questions came rambling out I'm surprised he even made them audible at all.

"I- I- I can't tell you Dan. I can't answer anything." When he was speaking I heard a whimper coming from somewhere in the house and then an eye-stinging scream come after. That scream, it sounded like one I've heard before, one only one person could make. _Phil. _I have to get in there! Phil's in pain who's hurting him? Could it be 'him'? When I closed my mouth failing to reply, I saw a dark figure storming from a door down the end of the corridor. He was well built and had yellow broken teeth. Was that 'him'?

"Who are you speaking to Toby!" he boomed as he grabbed the back of Toby's collar I was in shock I was shaking.

"N-no o-one Jonathan. I-" he threw Toby onto the floor behind him and glared at me in the eye. I heard Toby going up stairs, was he helping Phil? I have to get in there.

"Let me past! I need to get to Phil please, j-just _please!" _I sounded so stupid, of course he wouldn't let me in. he shoved my shoulder back and I fell onto the pavement outside Toby's house. Phil was trapped. I was heartbroken. He was getting abused. I only can assume that from his screams, how did I even know it was Phil?

"I SAID WHO ARE YOU?!" he boomed at me again, I didn't hear him through my thoughts last time.

"I- I- I'm nobody, I'm a salesman. I'm sorry sir" I lied. I couldn't tell him who I was he would get Phil again. Why did I come? I'm more broken than last time, along with more bruises.

"As if. I heard the conversation, how do you know '_Phil'_" so it was Phil! My mouth opened but no audible words escaped as the many whimpers and heavy breaths took over.

"Just what I thought. Hi _Dan. _Phil's fine don't you worry about him, now shoo. Don't come back here. _Phil hates you. He never loved you. He loves Toby. And only Toby." _How could I believe him? I somewhere deep inside know he is lying to me, h-he can't be telling the truth! Phil said he loves me, h-he! I broke down in front of him. I think its what he wanted.

"I- I- Y- Y- You are lying!" I let a single tear dribble its way down my cheekbone structure and hit the cool concrete below my feet.

"No I'm not, _Oh Phhiiilll." _He was calling for Phil? I could see him pop his head slightly around the door frame, all I saw was a red puffy eye and tear marks on his face and his hair all messy, he was still Phil. I noticed as he walked curiously towards me and the man, I don't think he could see me, he had his head in a bow and- he was limping. he has been getting beat up! The monsters!

"Phil! Tell me it isn't true! Please, I beg of you. Come back Phil! Please oh please!" I burst out as I saw his limber his way over, he looked up when I called for him, his eyes full of sorrow and an apologetic look to his face. He couldn't go against him. I saw it through his eyes. I knew he couldn't. He was going to have to back the man up. My heart shattered. The one time I get to see Phil in over a month he is battered and bruised head to toe and tear streams on his cheeks. _He was still Phil, I still loved him. But I couldn't get him back. not now. I had lost my Phil._

**Phil P.O.V**

I was getting my daily beating in the front room, still in Toby's home. I think it's been a month now? It's hard to tell. I've been locked away most of it, in that closet beneath the stair way, so it's hard to tell the time of day. I got harshly dragged from the claustrophobic cupboard and tugged into the vase area of the living room, the sofa wasn't as nice as it was when I first cam here. Nothing was the same, I often heard screams and I'm guessing they were Toby's. I don't get Jonathan, he does it for his pleasure and he has no soul.

"Faggot get up. Stop with the wimp act" he said calmly in a chilly voice sending the nausea down my back, he made me sick with his evilness towards everyone. I was half way through my beating now. I'm used to the constant pain. Nothings changed same routine everyday. Sometimes I forget some people care for me. Does Dan even care? I don't know… I need to see him again.

My beating got interrupted by a knock on the now steel door, Jonathan had replaced it so I _really_ couldn't get out that easy. Jonathan stopped and listened carefully, so did I the best I could from the pounding in my ear drums.

"He- … Dan. You… here, go b-before… here" Dan!? was it really true? Did he come to save me? Did he come for me? Did he care? I felt a smile spread on my face as I heard him speak up.

"Toby… until you tell me… hell is Phil. And… with your face? Lastly…. be here, who's…?" my smile broke out in a gigantic spread on my face, all it earned me was a harsh slap and shove back into the wall, Jonathan sped out into the hallway, _he'll get Dan. nonono. _I let out a pained scream hoping Dan could hear me, he couldn't do anything but maybe just maybe… I could see his face one last time till my end. End of my life.

"_Phil hates you. He never loved you. He loves Toby. And only Toby." _I let out a slow gasp. It was something Jonathan said clear and loud to Dan, I almost could mentally see the expression on his face. _Pure defeat. Pure depression. Pure disbelief._

"_Oh Phiiillll" _I slowly and painfully got up letting out a suppressed wince as I had a few broken ribs. Which hadn't been attended to for weeks. I couldn't bare to go against Jonathan, but I couldn't bare to face Dan's hurt face so I limbed while looking down.

"Phil! Tell me it isn't true! Please, I beg of you. Come back Phil! Please oh please!" It broke my heart. I felt everything in me become dust, nothing was left. The pain in his voice made a tear dribble down my cheek. I looked up at him through my fringe, I saw his arms. His hoodie sleeves had risen up. My mouth dropped and I mentally screamed at the sight. Dan had been cutting, I could see fresh blood. I did this too him? I'm a monster. I'm just like Jonathan. _A monster._

"I- yes Jonathan, anything y-you say Jonathan. I-" I made eye contact with the broken boy in front of my eyes, fresh tears ran down both cheeks and he gripped his wrist I saw a trickle of blood, he was trying to drown his pain. I understood it too well. Every expression that changed on his face, his eyebrows as they furrowed. Everything._ I had broken the boy who meant the world to me. I'm a fucking monster. _

"Good faggot. Get back in the room, I'm far from done with you. And for you Daniel get the fuck off my property and run back to your life, pretend Phil doesn't exist, pretend you never saw anything. If I hear anything from your little trap again I'll- I'll kill you all, all 3 of you. That includes telling the police you little rat." He sneered at Dan, I saw him fumble and run. Just like that slipping through my fingers. I was so close to getting back with him. Jonathan was a wall in between me and my love. My life. My freedom. He was the monster, I was his beat up toy. Nothing was going to change, nothing ever would.

"We need to move. Move away from here boys. Pack your stuff, we're going to Manchester. _NOW_!" I trembled, I'd never see Dan again now for sure, I was loosing my life everything. Everything I had here the last 5 months gone. PJ gone. Chris gone. Dan… _gone_. Gone from my life, my short life.

**Dan P.O.V**

_I was broken, I was hurt, I was dying inside. Nothing could help me now._

Phil had emitted that he loved Toby. Not me. Toby. But did he have to say that? Or did he really mean it? My head was spinning as I walked home, the roads were clear the odd car going along the road. The hurt in Phil's eyes made me melt. _At least I saw him for one last time. _

PJ and Chris came running through the park at me, I had texted them earlier saying what happened.

"Dan, are you alright? What happened to Phil?" Chris said catching his shortened breath.

"H-He doesn't love me" I said hiding my face by looking down and playing with my hands.

"H-he doesn't? a-are you sure? H-he could just have to say that, f-for safety Dan. don't take it too heart. I know Phil loves you _so_ much by the way you explained it too us on text" PJ said while they both snuggled me with bear hugs.

"I- I know. B-but it's hard."

"Everything in life can get hard. You just don't give up" PJ said, he was wise with words, he always has been.

"You're right PJ. I guess anyway" I mumbled the last bit under my breath so the boys around me couldn't hear.

Maybe I could get the police on the man, but he said he'd shoot all 3 of us, I can't do that to Phil, but I might have to. He could die there. He looked more skinny and pale than last time I saw him. I whispered under my breath as we walked back to my house for the warm.

"_I'll save you Phil, I love you don't forget that."_


	17. Chapter 17 -Hourglass Heart

**Dan P.O.V**

I miss him. I'm as weak as a newborn baby when it comes to Phil. I still haven't got the image I saw of him yesterday out of my head. _Bruised. Beaten. Dying. Controlled. Unloved. _I couldn't take much longer of not seeing Phil happy, his cute tongue sticking out briefly when he smiled or laughed, the way his eyes glowed. That glow had long gone by now, all what was left was pits of endless space, like tiny black holes sucking the life from him each day.

I heaved myself out of my mountain of my duvet; I sat on the edge of my bed reasoning with myself on what I should do. I couldn't think about anything apart from Phil. it was like he was still in my head even though he wasn't meant to be, I heard what that man had said, it hurt. But I couldn't help but to think it was true? What if it was? I wouldn't survive, even if I stayed alive there wouldn't be a reason because I wouldn't have the beautiful black haired, blue eyed boy next to me each morning to wake up to.

Phil, I can't send my love until I hear your voice, I can't say I'll never leave you, I don't know where you are. I cant even give you a promise, because you cant hear. But I can save you. And I will, just someday, somehow I will save you. But not right now, I can't right now, you can't hear me scream for you at night, the nightmares that haunt me, your perfect face beaten. I feel green with nausea from what that man is doing. Who is that man Phil?

'What am I doing? He cant hear me, I'm a psycho talking to himself' I thought out loud. I really was going to loose the will to go on soon, that's why I need to do something, another step to getting Phil. but he'd kill me if I did this? I guess I'll have to.

I picked up my phone I decided to at least _try_ call Phil; maybe he was allowed his phone? Who was I kidding. But anything was worth a shot, I tapped on the icon '_Phil3'_ I read, I watched as the picture ID came up as it rang, how I miss the innocent face, the one without the battle wounds. 1… 2… 3… 4… they didn't pick up. It was ringing; didn't that mean his phone was on? Maybe he did have his phone, maybe that man did. I'd never know.

I was starting to get angry; I'm such an idiot for running off leaving Phil there with _him_. Maybe he now hated me? My frustration got to my head and I blew. Cutting wouldn't help my frustration I shot up off my bed and started to hit my pounding head against the solid wall then resulted in ripping my much loved muse poster off my wall, I kept going until my wall was destroyed with ripping posters and blood from my wounds opening. I looked around to find all my clothes and belongings on the floor. The anger had taken over me, I didn't even know what I was doing. I sank slowly onto the messy floor and curled myself into a tight ball and wept.

Why was I acting so, dramatic? I've never been like this, my mum came running up the stairs I must have been making a lot of noise, I felt my throat was dry, I must have been screaming or something. She opening my door and saw the bomb site I had made with my evil and cursed hands, her face dropped from surprise to grief, she walked over too me and sat down by me wrapping her warm, loving arm around me pulling me into a slight cuddle, it was nice but it wasn't Phil, I needed Phil right now. He would know how to calm me down.

I had a thought and as my head sprang up it made my mother jolt I grabbed my phone. I have to do this now, I can't let Phil go this easy, I dialled 999 **( 999 is the emergency services phone centre in England, it's like 911 in USA:).).**

"Hello? What service do you require?" the drab woman said on the other side. She sounded so bored and lazy, poor her. Answering calls all day every day.

"Police please. It's an emergency."

**Phil P.O.V**

I had just finished packing my bag, I hadn't got much just a few shirts and a pair of jeans, that's all he allowed me t0 have, I had no phone, he had threw it on the first day. And all my other belongings lived at Dan's house now. Dan's house, not our house like it was, I wasn't there anymore, I was trapped, god knows how long until I can see them beautiful big and brown eyes again? But not heartbroken and in tears, happy with the slight tint of caramel in when the light hit them. I was cut from my trail of long thoughts by a harsh and cold voice blasting through the house, _Jonathan, _who else would it be?

"Oi! Hurry the hell up! I have train tickets and my god if crack head you, make me late, you'll get double for a week!" my heart smashed a little at the thought of leaving home, it isn't really my home, Jonathan said I ran away from Manchester. How did I end up in London? Maybe I wanted to get away that bad that I thought he would find me anywhere near home so I went far away, that sounds logical.

"I- I'm coming Jonathan, I-" I ran into the hall way where he was standing with his bag, he must have a load of stuff to beat us with, I saw Toby shuffling his bag down the stairs, of course _Jonathan _would let Toby take more, as he is his new 'son' where I am his faggot crack-head.

"Good, now into the car boys, we can't be here. He knows where we are and faggot, don't worry you'll see him again… maybe dead? Depends on what he says to me." My face dropped, what was he planning? He had my contact list from my phone from my SIM I'm sure he took that for a reason? No he can't hurt Dan! No, no, no. what about Chris and PJ? They could get dragged into this big old' mess! I'm an idiot I let this happen.

"D-don't bring D-Dan into t-this, h-he-" I got cut off by a quick slap to my already bruised cheek and we set out into the car, I didn't get the luxury of a proper seat. Just to punish me for my words Jonathan picked me up and threw me harshly into the claustrophobic boot of the rusted car. I heard the engine go, it was dark, I wanted to die, why me? Why does he just hate me? What did I ever do to him? I slowly got myself into a panicked state, I felt the walls closing around me I knew they weren't but I couldn't move, to try breathe the already thick air got even more thick as we went by, I struggled to breathe after a few more minutes panicking. _Then I pasted out._

When I woke up I was still in the dim boot but soon I felt a stop, we had gotten to the train station. I knew he wouldn't pack right outside, too much of a risk with the car and me. The boot opened and Toby gave me a hand out, my legs went limp and I literally fell onto Toby but we didn't say a word, he just let the single tear tumble down my cheek. He helped me back onto my feet when I got fresh oxygen into my carbon dioxide filled lungs.

"Let's go, the train is leaving in 20 minutes and we're 10 minutes away and its going to be crowded, go now then faggot" he slapped the back of my head discreetly as we were in public and he didn't want to cause a riot. Toby was walking ahead, head down dragging his bag along. I stumbled behind Toby as I had a gash running down the side of my thigh and Jonathan strolling casually behind as if there weren't two young and once innocent broken boys in front of him.

The neighbour hood we walked through wasn't the nicest, the housing looked dull without life and cracks ran down the sides, we walked slowly for about 10 minutes until I saw the hustle and bustle of London's train station, is this it? Everything I built up with Dan and his friends, gone? Dan… gone.

We hopped on the train just as it was about to set off the trip was going to be around 4 hours long. I guess I could try and get some sleep, I haven't in awhile, the only sleep me getting was by passing out from lack of food or Jonathan and his beating. I would get some sleep as Jonathan can't touch me here, its too crowded and people would notice and he didn't want that. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep not a pleasant sleep one cursed with nightmares and other cruel things of darkness.

I woke up in a panic as I got a quick slap to the back of my head, _Jonathan._ I got up noticing most people were off the train by now and were heading off. I grabbed my back following Toby is out same way as before, it was as if we were in the army if we stepped out of space, we would get a hit or slap. I didn't like this way of living, why would I have ran away if I did?

We got to the building I guessed we were going to be staying in. it wasn't really a home. It was a shack, wooden and looked like it could collapse any minute now. It wasn't huge but it wasn't tiny, it had 1 main room and a few one off the sides, I'm guessing I'll be getting the cupboard again as I would be a waste of space anywhere else. I was starting to believe Jonathan's words to me, I was worthless, I was ugly, but I had my heart, oh wait I didn't anymore. It was far from broken; it was more like a town after a powerful hurricane.

My heart? My heart was an hourglass just waiting for it to be turned as then it could refill with hopes and life long dreams but then it would slowly drain again. Dan would stop that hourglass, he would be a bung and keep my heart in full show, no parts of the shattered past slipping through, the hourglass heart beating loud and proud, that's how he made my heart feel, like it wouldn't get broken, and the pieces would stay intact. Sad thing is he can't bung up the hole in my hourglass heart; he's too far away now. I'm all the way in Manchester, he's back in London.

The hourglass of my heart will keep turning letting the miniature pieces shatter down into the next part, repeating each time I build up my hearts strength again, it was going to be breaking each time it filled up again, until he finds me, does he want to find me? Or am I being stupid?

_It was my stupid hourglass heart._


	18. Chapter 18 - Don't Trust Strangers

**Dan P.O.V**

The police arrived shortly after I made that call; it was only 11 in the morning so it was till light outside. Was I really willing to put Phil on the line here? Risk Phil's safety? Yes. Yes I was, I was willing to try _anything_ even getting myself killed for Phil to live a free life – he meant that much to me.

"Hello, I trust you're Daniel? I am P.C Jones, may I come in?" the police officer said as he appeared at my door. I gulped shallowly as I was nervous.

"Yes I'm Daniel, but Dan is what I go by, sir" I said as he shook my hand and he nodded, I took him into our lounge and we talked about everything, he took notes on each thing I was saying.

"So, your _friend_ Phil Lester, has been kidnapped? And how might he have gotten kidnapped do you know?" he asked.

"Yeah, but he is Phil, not Philip. And h-he was going to ou- his friend's house and t-this friend set h-him up. As the man c-came and d-didn't let him go. I saw him the other day when I went to see if Toby – the boy – knew where Phil was, but he was there. I-it was obvious that h-he was b-being a-a-abused. His farther d-d-did before h-he moved here." I managed to stutter out between holding my tears back and putting on a poker face.

"Ok. Where does _Toby_ live?" I gave him the address and he nodded, he realised it was a rough area, I guessed, as he called for backup on his radio.

"Ok son, we're going to do our best to find Phil, we can't make any promises, they could be gone. Or refuse us access" he said as he stood up to leave, I wanted to go with him, but I guess I couldn't but I asked anyway.

"Thanks. C-can I come with you? To T-Toby's house? J-just to see? It will help P-Phil if I'm there" I said looking up with hope in my watery eyes, his smile tugged at his lips and nodded gently. At least he had a heart.

"Course, just stay back, we don't want you getting hurt Dan, ok?" I nodded with exhilaration, maybe I could save Phil?

We got into the police car and drove off, of course I told my mother first, we got to Toby's house within 10 minutes and his backup shortly behind. He had an extra 3 police officers in full body armour now. P.C Jones walked up to the door and knocked. The others not far behind in case needed. As he knocked nothing happened. He knocked again shouting this time.

"This is the police, if you don't open up we will force entry." My stomach felt nervous, what if he was talking truth? Could they have really gone already?

One of the armoured officers started to bash a long red pole from their van against the weakened door, abruptly the door cracked open, they all ran in. I waited there, I let the anxiety take over my body, I wanted Phil to come out of there, alive. Or even just out. As long as I could see him take last breath, I would be satisfied, but I wouldn't if he was… I'm not even going to think like that.

After around 10 minutes of me pacing around, I heard something. But P.C Jones came out; he had something in his hand, some paper. I ran up to him, I didn't care what he said I had to know what happened.

"What is it PC Jones?" I asked pointing to the paper in his hand.

"A Note. Here Danie- Dan read it, it was assigned to you and we found it stuck on the outside of the door" he shoved the paper into my hand. I took a breathe preparing myself for what the letter could be saying.

_My Dearest Dan,_

_Dan. I miss you. Help me please? He has me again and I'm scared. I'm close to doing silly things; he's taking us away now. I'm not allowed to say where. He was being nice and letting me write you this. I only had 2 rules; no saying where he's taking us, and making sure you don't call the police on him. Please Dan, don't call the police, he has cameras in there he will know if you do. But this is all I've got before I go. I hope to see you again Dan. I love you; don't forget me and my heart. I will forever keep you in my heart; you're the only thing what is keeping me alive right now, the hope of seeing you again. Toby is different, don't be mad at him, he didn't mean to do what he did, he didn't know. May everything in your life become as magic as it was when I was there. And stop the cutting, please? I saw your wrists. Pretend the last months were nothing, pretend you didn't meet me. Please Dan, I want you happy, and I just don't know if I will see you again. I'm going far away. I will forever miss you Daniel Howell, I love you. ~ Phil x_

It was from Phil. h-he's gone. I wont let him get out of it that easy no way! I will find him, even if I never give up. Philip Lester I will find you. Because I wont give up.

I looked up at PC Jones, I had hope he had found something else and he understood and shook his head slightly.

"We can't do anymore Dan, we're sorry. This man knows we have been in there, there's nothing else we can do, there was nothing else, only a few clothes but they didn't help at all. Goodbye Daniel" and with that him and his squad walked off without another word. I let the pain of the letter set in, was he really saying for me to move on? It really didn't sound like something Phil would say, I saw the look in his eyes. I didn't recognise the handwriting either, maybe he was nervous? Maybe someone wrote it for him? The tone of this letter really wasn't right. Could I believe what it said? It's so… hard to decide, why would that man even let Phil write a letter? This was too fishy to believe.

_But I believed it._

**Phil P.O.V**

_I was scared. I was broken. I was dying._ Here in Manchester was the worse, nothing felt right. The shack was dull and damp. I was correct I was given the smallest room, I wouldn't even call it a room it was too claustrophobic to be a room, it was a stuffy attic '_room'_ Jonathan said it was a room but, no way was it. I sighed, I was awaiting my daily beating. I sat alone in this dark pit hole with only a small Lion to comfort me. I always would have him with me; I took him to Toby's as I was nervous even though I didn't show it.

I heard footsteps coming upstairs and then I knew it was beating time. But his footsteps were heavy and as if he was angry at something, what's happened? I knew he would be harder on me this time. He always was when he was angry.

"PHIL! ASS DOWN HERE NOW" he boomed up at me as if I couldn't even hear him, god damn I could. I quickly scattered up to my feet, placing Lion down and headed down the narrow stair-way only to be met with the face, it was as red as the devils looking at his prey. I gulped a little at the sight and then followed him down. To my surprise a man was there in our living room.

"Hi Phil, we're going to be having a great time." He winked, what was Jonathan planning this time? I got pushed further into the room by Jonathan, I stumbled onto the cold concrete flooring and we had no luxury of carpets or laminate. I rubbed my back from where he had pushed me.

"W-What do you mean?" I asked the man, he didn't answer all he did was stand up out of the dark, only then I realised who it was. _Wren._ He was one of my '_Capturers' _I have been remembering a lot more of my past thanks to Jonathan, complete sarcasm there.

"W-Wren? W-what are you doing here?" I quietened at the end as he began to tower over my fragile body.

"Blame your _boyfriend, _Dan? Is it? This special beating is his entire fault" he smirked at me before he put his hands on my below the belt area. Dan? what did Dan do? Why was it his fault? No, he couldn't have called the police… he wouldn't do that. I knew what was going to happen then, the lust in his eyes. Jonathan sniggered, why was he doing this? I was ok with beatings but this was too much, it was more than abuse, it was _rape_. Screams of pain. Whimpers of harshness. Cries to stop. Everything was happening to quick.

~ **(I ain't writing that, nuh-uh poor Philly:( #imsorryRobynandpeople)**

I woke up, I was lying on the cold neglected floor of the living room, memories of what had happened filled my mixed up brain, why did Jonathan let Wren do that to his _son_. Oh yeah, I'm not his son anymore, I'm just a pathetic little faggot according to him. I needed Dan's cuddles right now, nothing was going ok. But I could have his cuddles, I was alone only with Jonathan and Toby… and the '_capturers' _in Manchester, while he was in London. I wish I could have said I love you and goodbye to him one last time, but that chance was taken away from me when Jonathan took me. I hope Dan is ok. I can't seem to forget seeing his torn up wrists, they make a tear tumble down my pale skin each time.

Stay strong you wimp. Dan is fine, he probably is glad you're gone. Now he can go back to girls, you were a test for him, you faggot. I didn't shut my brain off, I couldn't thoughts muffled my emotions and I couldn't take what It was telling me.

_Maybe I should sleep, maybe I should dream and then just maybe; I should die. _

**Chris P.O.V**

Me and PJ were out in the kitchen, he was making some bacon **(yummy ily bacon)** while I spread sauce onto the bread. I was done with my job so I walked over to PJ and tangled my arms around his waist, we had only just got up as it was only 11… we didn't care though. He hummed along to the song which was on the radio and I swayed to the music. We were in harmony. The bacon was done as PJ swivelled around with the spitting fat from the bacon in the frying pan, I smelt the bacons aroma as I detached my self and PJ went over to the counter. He placed the bacon into the sandwiches and cut them up into cut triangles.

"Thanks babe" I said as I grabbed one plate and then the other teasing PJ with it. I swayed my hips as I walked like a girl towards the living room.

"Hey! One of them is mine you idiot!" he said while laughing a bit, he chased me to the lounge where I was now sat casually on the sofa; he jumped besides me grabbing one plate from my hand.

"Hey! No please? I was… only bringing it in for you" I whined with sarcasm gritted in my words. PJ just laughed and we ate our bacon sandwiches while watching a cookery programme as it was all what was on at the weekends.

My phone started to buzz, it displayed a unknown number, I put my plate down and looked at PJ's worried face, I picked up my phone and went to the other room without a word.

"Hello?" I said waiting for a voice to speak. All I could hear was whimpers and heavy breathing. What the hell?

"Ah! Christopher. Nice to finally talk to you. You don't know me, but I have someone here you would like to talk to" his voice was filled full of hatred and bitterness.

"W-Who?" I questioned, who was this man and who did he have? Then it struck me… _It could be Phil._

"Just a little friend" he said.

"C-Chris, H-help me, h-he's got m-me" the voice whispered, it was Phil. why did this man ring me?

"Phil! Where are you? What's going on Phil?!" I began to raise my voice I assumed PJ heard me but I hoped he didn't come in.

"I-" he was cut off, I heard a loud slash, what was happening? The man came back to the phone.

"Now. As you know I have your… little friend, Phil. you will do what I say. If you don't do what I ask of you Christopher, don't get to close to certain people. Who knows when they could be gone" he sniggered at the end of the phone. Was he talking about Phil? going? I was really confused at this point.

"What d-do you mean?" I asked him again.

"Oh nothing. Just don't trust or help - Daniel Howell. He's not going to be here soon anyway, as soon as my boys get down to you. Bye-bye Daniel" he laughed and I heard a cry in the background. Phil. "Oh and before I go, don't tell _ANYONE_ about this little talk ok? Who knows what I could get done in the click of my fingers" I heard him click his fingers. Why was this man doing this? Who was he? What the hell did Dan do? Too many questions ran through my head, by the time I went to reply he had hung up.

I curled up hugging my knees, I couldn't trust Dan? why couldn't I? he's been my best friend for… years? What was so bad that Dan did? Why did this man have Phil?

_Keep it to yourself. You can't cause anymore damage Chris. Keep it together. Just keep yourself fake and happy. It will turn out ok. Keep it together,_


	19. Chapter 19 - Don't Deny My Broken Heart

_*2 months later*_

**Phil P.O.V**

I stretched up my arms forgetting how small this place was hitting my arms on the ceiling; I hardly could stand in here. I'm surprised I haven't got a hunch back. It was still dark in this room, it was scary. I didn't like the dark when I was living with Jonathan. Anything can happen in the dark. But sometimes darkness can be a good thing, it means you can be in peace after being knocked out, that's darkness at its nicer times. But when you're awake in a dark room it's completely different, you see things and you hearthings. Nothing is pleasant in the darkness.

I was awoken by some people downstairs, they were just talking. I could recognise the voice of Jonathan and Toby but there was another man there as well, I don't know who this man is but he doesn't sound the type you would want to get on the wrong hand of. I stayed in my cramp 'room' silently trying to pick pieces from the conversation. I couldn't hear them very well as it was all in whispers and sometimes an odd raised voice. I tried to open the door slightly so I could hear better but of course Jonathan had locked it.

I wept It wasn't fun living like this for 2 months, nothing was nice. I sat back down, hissing at the pain in my lower back where a purple and blue bruise lay. These bruises covered my already pale skin but now I look like some sort of experiment. Black bags under my sleep-deprived eyes, bruises littering everywhere on my skin, cuts scattered up my thighs and forearms. I let a silent teardrop race down my face. I didn't care anymore.

The voices downstairs got louder, mainly Jonathans. I put my ear against the door and listened.

"TOBY! SHUT UP, YOU CAN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS STUFF, SCAM." Jonathan screeched through the house. What couldn't Toby know? He told Toby everything… he treated him better now. Only a beating once a week. Me? Everyday.

"J-Jonathan, why c-can't I know? Y-you tell me everything, w-who was that man?" I heard Toby stuttering, was it Toby's beating day? I don't think it was. It's hard to keep tract.

"And? I DON'T HAVE TO" Jonathan was getting angrier, Toby why don't you just stop? He will only get madder. I thought in my head.

"O-Ok. I- I'll shut up Jonathan" I hadn't heard the other man speak since I got up, then heard paced footsteps coming upstairs, I got worried, was it Toby? Were they going to hurt me? No, Toby wouldn't hurt me...

My door opened and it wasn't Toby. It wasn't Jonathan. It was someone else? I think I recognise him. He looked a lot like me, tall, dark hair, piecing blue eyes. His face wasn't like mine though. He seemed like he was about to cry, why did he come to me? Am I meant to know him? I still cant remember every part of my past…

"Phil. I'm so sorry." That's all he said before a tear dribbled down his damp face. He went out slamming the door and locking it again. What in the world just happened?

I fell backwards onto my bed and thought. Thought hard. Who was he? Why was he sorry? Did he do something to me? Why was he here in the first place?

I heard Jonathan calmly talk to Toby from the landing.

"Toby, you _really _can't tell Phil who that was ok? I don't want him to remember him, it could cause trouble. And _you_ never contact him. Ever. Ok?" Now I'm worried.

"Yes J-Jonathan" Toby stuttered before I guess closing his bedroom door, he actually got a decent room.

I wept knowing that the footsteps coming up the stairs for me were Jonathan's. He must be angry, so today was going to be harsh. He might even get the kettle out again.

_Why can't I just fly away, why can't I give up?_

**Chris P.O.V**

I've managed to keep that phone call a secret for the last 2 months, but it's becoming more stressful, I wake up in panic thinking that man is going to hurt PJ or Dan. I have to sleep with PJ every night now, just so I know he's safe. I know I shouldn't trust strangers, but it's so hard not to think about what he was saying. There's a question that weaves it way to the front of my mind everyday; what does he want? Does he want the knowing of Dan being gone, or Phil being depression, or does he want everything in this already in-perfect world to be turned upside down and cause havoc among families, friends and lovers. Everyone.

"Chris? You ok? You seem a bit out of it today" PJ asked. Of course I wasn't ok! I haven't been since that call, but he doesn't know about that… I guess I'll have to lie to him again. It hurts to lie to PJ he doesn't deserve to be lied to by someone he loves.

"I'm fine, daydreaming" I said faking a smile and kissing him on his forehead as we were still laid in bed.

"Chris. Please don't lie, you have been for ages now. What's wrong you can tell me _anything"_ at this point I wanted to kill PJ for being so noticeable and persuasive. I wouldn't kill him of course. He was right; I can tell him anything, so why should I hide this? There's no reason I can't, apart from the fact he said I cant… dammit.

"I'm really fine PJ; please can we drop the subject?" I said looking down and entwining mine and his fingers, I hope he would realise it's not something I don't want him to know about.

"Chris, tell me please! I don't want you upset, I wont drop it unless you tell me!" his voice was serious and nearly breaking. Was I really upsetting him by not telling him this? How could I make the one I love sad? I can't tell him, _he'll _know. But I can't stand the way PJ is looking at me with them watery eyes. PJ stood up from the bed and started to walk towards the door, what was he doing?

"PJ I wish I cou-" I got cut off by PJ slamming the door, he was seriously getting upset now… he never got like this before with me. I don't want this to happen, please don't let this happen. I got up off the bed and went to find PJ.

"PJ? Where are you? I'm sorry!" I shouted around my parents' house where PJ was staying. What if he was going home? I wouldn't be able to sleep or do anything! I panicked and looked around with anxiety flooding my body. I heard the front door go, was he really leaving?

I quickly ran to the door and opened it, he was already gone. No sight of him, I began to get more tears pricking in my wet eyes. Why did he get so annoyed? I don't have to tell him everything, do I? I actually can't tell him this, it will ruin everything and worst thing is, he could get hurt if I tell anyone so could everyone I care about. God knows what he would do to Phil, he has him there locked away, scared and beaten. I made my decision, I have to tell PJ. Only PJ. How would he know if I told anyone? He can't hear me or anything. But I can't tell PJ he's gone somewhere now, and I don't know where. The tears ran down my cheeks as I lay on my bed, I slowly fell asleep as I didn't want this feeling of guilt building in me from my decision.

I got woken up by someone opening my door, who would it be? My parents are away on business. I fluttered open my sleepy eyes, and locked them with the hasty figure at my door, I was still blurred so I didn't recognise him at first but then I realised it was PJ. My PJ. I had to tell him now or he would get mad again, and I don't want that.

"Chris? Wake up." His soft voice showing he had calmed down a bit. I opened my eyes to find the pearly green eyes looking into mine. I let a slight smile slip onto my mouth, he was back.

"Hi. I'm sor-" I got cut off by PJ.

"Don't be. I was over reacting Chris, I didn't realise it would be unsuitable telling me about it" he said as he lay down beside me. Our eyes looking right into the others, he was understanding. All he wanted was the best for me, but treated him like shit. I felt so bad.

"I can't actually tell you PJ, he said he'll kill you, Dan, Phil and everyone. But I really want to tell you" I said while my smile turning into a frown.

"W-who? Chris! How long has this been going on!? W-what is happening?!" I began to panic; he wasn't going to let it drop this time around. I'll have to tell him, even if it means I die.

"_He_ I don't know who he is, but he has Phil PJ! He called me about 2 months ago, that was the call I had when I had to go out the room after our bacon. I'm scared. He said I cant contact Dan, or trust Dan or anything concerning Dan! I don't know why, I'm scared. I really am. He said if I do he'll kill people PJ. I don't want that to h-happen" I said running out of breathe, it was all out.

"I- I have no words Chris. W-we need to t-tell Da-" I cut him off abruptly, I couldn't hear them word from him.

"NO! We can't! He-he'll kill Dan and me and you. I- I-" I broke down curling myself into a sight ball, all my emotions were coming free at once, I didn't know how to handle it. I really didn't want to even tell PJ but now everything is going wrong and I have no idea what I can do about it. Nothing is going to be going right for me, constant worry over this man.

"Chris, please don't cry love" PJ said while he placed a hand on my damp cheek from the tears I had shred. I didn't want him to be hurt, but what if he was hurt? I wouldn't cope.

"I- I don't want you getting hurt PeeJ, please be careful. He could be listening right now PeeJ, everything I say, he maybe can hear it- he- he-" PJ's face turned to worry as he wrapped his shaking arms around my weeping body, I couldn't do this. It hurt so much inside. I was paranoid by this man, he was going to control everything I do from now on. Was that his plan? To get me worried as hell? To make me wimp out at everything? To make me depressed? To destroy everyone I love? To separate Dan and Phil? I don't know.

_I buried my head into PJ and he cooed me back to sleep._

_At least I had my PJ for now._

**Dan P.O.V**

It has been 2 more months with my Phil. that makes it 3 months since he's been gone and I've only seen him once, but that wasn't proper seeing him, that was him being scared. I miss him like hell on earth; I can't believe what this man has done. Phil is far gone by now, the police couldn't even bother to help me find him; they left as if they were scared of the note. I don't even know if Phil write this note… what if he didn't? Why would that man or Toby pretend to be Phil? I can't even cope with my emotions right now, sometimes I just want to curl up and cry feeling sorry for my silly petty needs of Phil. nothing could replace the hole in my heart that he had left there.

"Dan? Can I come in? You haven't been out all week… I'm worried Dan" I heard Adrian's voice from behind my locked door, he was right. I haven't been out of bed for a week, I have walked around to smash a few things. but that's all I have done, nothing else.

"N-No, I;m fine Adrian, please leave me alone. I'm fine just- just go" I didn't want him to worry, I didn't want anyone to worry. I wanted to be gone. I wanted to find Phil. I wanted to be happy. But what I want can't be true. Nothing in this world is right at the moment, nothing.

"Oh… ok Dan" I heard the crack in his voice, was he sad? I feel so bad. I just don't want human contact right now. I only want Phil to at least contact me in some way. Just one message or something. I know I have that letter but I don't know what to believe right now. My head is a mess. All I think about is what's going on. Why this man took Phil. what Phil is doing right now. Nothing but Phil. it made me realise something. My heart is broken, people don't understand. I was only with Phil for around a month, but it felt right. It just felt pure and innocent, like it was meant to be.

_My heart is cracked and broken. Nothing can fix it. Only Phil can. But I can't have him. Don't deny my broken heart._


	20. Chapter 20 - Out Suicidal Thoughts

_*2 months later*_

**Dan P.O.V**

_Why? _

That's just one question that is still in my head after all these months. It's been 5 months since Phil first went missing, I miss him. Why did that man take Phil? He didn't do anything wrong, did he? Did the man even know Phil, or did he just want to wreck someone's life for no good reason. People like him make me sick, they just are so wrong.

I was sat in my personal bathroom; I had my regular blade by the side of me, it had fresh blood dripping from it onto the tiled floor, but I didn't care. I didn't car about anything anymore. I was emotionless, everything I loved destroyed in front of my eyes. My love taken from me, forever. I had nothing.

I have been cutting everyday for a month now. Nothing is taking this pain away. Nothing. I feel so empty and lifeless, like this world isn't the real world, it's a made up fantasy that only I live in. I have nobody who will care for me, nobody who will tell me it's ok. Chris and PJ haven't visited for 3 months now; I'm beginning to wonder why? They said they were my friends, they said they would help me, why aren't they helping me? Why did I snap at Adrian that day? He hasn't come to talk to me since, nor has my mum. I have lost a lot of weigh as I haven't been eating. I don't even think I have exited my room.

I felt worse than I normally do today. Why? I don't know why. I just do, it's like everything I have been worried and depressed about has suddenly came tumbling down on me, nothing wants to work out for me. I'm the lonely boy who nobody knows what to do with. It's as if I'm a 'thing' now, not a human. I haven't spoke to another 'human' since Adrian came to my room around a few months ago. Why was I doing this to myself? Why should I be carrying on like this? Why. Why. That word should be banned, there is too many why questions to answer, it's all what's in my brain. Why this, why that. _I don't know_.

I thought about the last 'why'. Was it really worth carrying on? Nothing seems to have gone in the right direction since Phil had gone. Nothing at all. How do I even know If he is still alive? He could be dead. I can't believe myself. I've had enough of all this pain and suffering. I want to be free. I got up off the floor and didn't bother doing anything about my shredded arms. I wanted it over. I wanted it over, now. I couldn't take this constant 'why' in the back of my head. That's all my life was now. Depression and loneliness. Nothing is ever going to be the same. I have to end this all. Now.

I quickly got up and fumbled around trying to unlock my door, I got a pencil and pen from my desk and scribbled down a quick note to whoever would even notice I was gone. I don't think anyone would.

_Dear finder,_

_I am sorry. I have to do this, it is the only way out of this mess and I can't take anything anymore. I am going. I won't ever see any of you again. I want to die. I am going to die. I'm sorry, tell mum and Adrian I love them and if Phil did ever come back, I love him too. The pain is too much I can't take it. _

_Sorry, _

_Love, Daniel x_

I let a tear drop onto the scribbled rough note and then ran out of my bedroom and down stairs, I looked in the front room silently to find Adrian and mum cuddled together watching a movie. I have to leave them, I can't say bye. It's better they forget me. I blew a silent kiss to them and slammed the door behind me, only to hear a loud shout from my mother.

"DANIEL! WHERE ARE YOU GOING" she stood in the doorway looking at me with teary eyes, they weren't from the movie. I couldn't bare to keep eye contact so I looked away and ran letting all my emotions come out as tears you couldn't tell I was crying it was thick rain. I knew how I wanted to go, someway not painful; I've had too much pain already. I want an easy way out. London Bridge.

I got there, there weren't many people around so I thought this will be easy, just one step and I'll be gone from this life. One step and I can be happy for eternity. One step till I can see Phil again, if he was already up there. I climbed onto the other side of the railing, grabbing my hands on tight; I didn't want to go just yet.

I let the rainwater soak into my clothing, I looked down at the river Thames and thought; this river is taking my life. It was scary to think about, not breathing. What would it be like, would I make it to heaven or hell? Most likely hell as I took my own life and did so many wrong things. I can't back out I have to jump; I have to jump if it means I blow away everything I ever did in my 16 years here on Earth. I have to. Nothing is stopping me.

_I took a simple step, I fell fast, I heard someone scream my name, I hit the cold water, I blacked out._

**Chris P.O.V**

"Chriiisss, we need some more milk in here! Go shop please babe?" PJ shouted while his head was in the fridge, he couldn't have his tea without that milk. So I guess I had to go get some, the shop wasn't far.

"Ok PeeJ! I'll be 10 minutes, promise!" I got up off the couch and grabbed my wallet and a raincoat, it was heavy rain tonight.

I walked out the door and put my hood up straight away, I had to run as the bitter wind was getting to me. I was crossing the London Bridge, we lived close by. I saw the lights of the shop and ran in taking down my hood so I didn't look like a thug when I went in.

"Hey Ruben!" I exclaimed as I walked to the milk section, I was a regular so I knew the people who worked here pretty well I guess.

"Hello Chris, more milk? That's the 4th this week!" he laughed as I put the pints of milk on his counter.

"Yeah, me and PJ drink a lot of tea." I said, I paid and left saying good bye. I started to walk back across the bridge. Something caught my eye, someone was stood. The rain was less heavy now, I could see the formation of a young boy, around my age on the wrong side of the barrier. What was he doing? I looked closer and realised something. _It was Dan._

What do I do?! I can't talk to him I'll say something about the call about Phil. But he's going to jump. I can't loose my best friend this way. What do I do?! I started to panic I dropped the milk cartons and ran to Dan, I screamed his name.

"DAN! NO DON'T JUMP!" I ran faster, I was too late. He had stepped off the side. I watched his body go limp as he hit the water, I leant over the barrier looking for him, nothing. Just motionless water, like nothing had happened_. _I started to freak out. What if he didn't make it? He can't die! I was so stupid I ignored him for so long and now he's trying to die.

"DAN! PLEASE!" I was letting tears tumble down my cheeks now, was he going to come up? Was he going to live? I ran down to the bank and tried to search for him, it was hard. I hardly could see my own feet let alone a boy in murky water.

"Dan?" I said a bit quieter as I began to give up hope, I took off my shoes, I wasn't letting this happen. Even though that man said not to trust Dan, I will save him. I can't watch him die.

I dived into the water it was freezing cold; he will die from getting too cold if I don't get to him soon. I dived under feeling around; I grabbed something and shot back up, just some trash. I threw it and plastered my hair above my eyes and tried again. I wrapped my arms around something, Dan. I pulled up the boy, I couldn't his leg was trapped by something. I dived under following his leg. Weeds. I broke them up and dragged Dan to the surface. He wasn't breathing; I swam to the shore-line

"DAN! WAKE UP!" what do I do? His breath hasn't come back; do I have to give him CPR? I can't do that! I would feel awkward! I started to pump his chest a bit, I didn't want to hurt him, but I wanted him to live. Why can't it be simple? Why can't he just live? I was pumping for around 5 minutes waiting for the ambulance I rang.

He started to cough up water. His breath was back! I flopped myself onto him and let a few tears dribble down my cheeks, his chest moving up and down gently.

"C-Chris? W-What happened?" Dan spoke. I was so relived to hear his voice I could almost jump to the stars. He was alive.

"I'm right here Dan. Don't you worry. Why did you jump?" I saw Dan's eyes well up, I knew why. Phil's disappearance has driven him off the edge. Literally.

"I- I- I missed Phil. I- I gave up on him. He's not coming b-back" he sat up and curled into his self, I saw tears tumbling down his cheeks, I felt so bad. I knew where Phil was but I can't tell Dan. not ever. I wonder if he has gotten a call. I dare not ask.

"He may come back Dan. It may take time, but don't give up just yet Dan. You're lucky I was walking across the bridge, you made me drop my milk cartoons! Feel special silly boy" I said with a slight laugh near the end. I was happy he was ok again, well alive at least. I saw his dimple pop making me smile even more.

"Thanks Chris, it all got too much, I didn't know what to do. I was stupid I'm sorry" I watched as the ambulance pull up and run down to us. I told them Dan is breathing again and they took him for a check over.

He was ok to go home once they had, I took him to his house and explained to his mum and Adrian what happened.

"I'm sorry." Dan said looking down, he really did feel stupid.

"Daniel! You should have spoken to us. You just ran out! I was scared Dan! Adrian was crying and that's rare!" his mum shouted as she let fresh tears run down the cheek structure.

"I-" he got cut off by his mum muffling him with hugs. I hope he gets better now he knows his family care. I don't want him depressed. I want Phil to come back.

_I want to help somehow. I don't know how but I will think of a way._

**Phil P.O.V**

I was drained. I felt lifeless. I didn't feel like I should even be here any more. What was the point? This heart of mine, it is still turning. Nothing is staying in place. I am getting more violent beatings everyday now. Jonathan won't let me rest nor will his friends. Nothing is right. Nothing. I want to die; I want to be with Dan. if I die I can't be with him. But maybe he's gone as well? I had my blade in my hand, I was slicing my forearms, I normally do this after my beating as it reduces that pain and gives me a more pleasant one.

It wasn't working today.

I had a headache, nothing wanted to work for me and nothing was going to be ok. I wasn't getting out of here this time. I want to run away again, I can't though. Nothing was getting this internal and external pain away. I didn't want to die because of Dan. that was until I realised how much I was cutting. I looked at my wrists, I had been slashing hard in my maze of thoughts I didn't even realise that I was. I didn't want to go this way. I didn't want to go without Dan by my side. I didn't want to go if I knew I could see Dan again one day.

I began to feel dizzy, there was blood on my bedding and there was blood everywhere. My forearms were completely red, I saw no skin. The pain had took over me, I didn't realise it was that bad. I let out a sharp cry of pain. Hoping someone would come and help – no one came.

_I got weaker, I lost more blood, I passed out. _

_Will I see the light of day again?_


	21. Chapter 21 - Threat Texts

**Toby P.O.V**

I hate this life. I hate what Jonathan is doing. I hate how he picks on Phil everyday. I hate how he has not reason to do all this. _He just wants to._

"J-Jonathan, shall I-I get Phil for his b-beating for y-you?" I asked gingerly as Jonathan sat on my couch which had a few springs out of place and was damp with dirty and decay.

"Yes. You can join in today if you wish" he said that like it was something fun. Like an activity you do on summer camp or something. Of course I wasn't going to do that to Phil. poor, innocent, destroyed, Phil.

"I-I'm ok. I-I'll go get h-him" I stuttered as I shakily walked up the flight of stairs to Phil's room, his was in the attic room. I paused and put my ear to the door. No sounds were there, what had happened?

I unlocked the door with the key I was given and flicked on the landing light so I could see, there he was. _Blood everywhere._ I began to panic, what did he do? Was this an attempt to escape it all? Do I save him or let him be how he wanted to be? I-I can't let him leave like this! Dan will be heartbroken, I have to save him. Even if he does get beaten he doesn't deserve to die.

"Phil? C-Can you hear me Phil?" I walked closer, knelt down by the side of his bed. When I was close enough I could see the ever so slight up and down of his chest. It made me relax, he wasn't dead, _yet._ I waited there for awhile, hoping he would come to his senses, but he didn't. Jonathan would be wondering where me and Phil were.

"P-Phil? Y-You need to wake up. P-Please?" I held Phil on my lap, even though I haven't spoken to this boy for seems like years, it's only been months, I can't let him give up, I really can't.

"Because when skies get rough you can't give up, you won't be the one walking away so easily and I'm here to help make the difference I can make for you. We have differences but they teach us what we got. You're still my friend after all and I didn't intend for anything to work, _I was selfish_, but we won't break and we won't burn in this wreck. We'll have to learn to bend without the world caving in on us. Learn what we have here, learn what we're not and learn who we are. Don't give up Phil." I whispered I'm a hushed tone hoping he could hear me speaking; I didn't want him to be gone. I didn't want to be alone with Jonathan. I didn't want any of this.

**(A/N: I just added a few bits from the song as they linked well, ik it's not the lyrics but its my interpretation for this moment in the story. I hope you understand partly why I chose the title now as it's gotten to this bit :3)**

I let a few tears trickle down my cheek bone and land on Phil's blood-stained t-shirt. I knew he hated me, I betrayed him but I can't help it. Jonathan had threats against me and my family. I let the limp Phil lay in my body, I couldn't call no ambulance or no doctors. Jonathan wouldn't ever allow that, he would make sure Phil was dead. I tightened my grip, I didn't want to give up on him. He deserves peace as I now know everything going on in his life. I know more than he can remember… that man. I hope that man comes to his senses and doesn't blank Phil anymore Phil… _Phil really needs his older brother right now._

I guess I was sat there for quite awhile as I heard the front door slam meaning Jonathan had gone out for his Friday night drinks. If he was going to the pub it must be around a 11pm. I ran my fingers through the ebony hair of Phil. I heard a slight muffle word coming from him, was he going to wake up? I sat up and detached my hand from his hair as he would freak out.

"P-Phil?" I asked gently and not too loud so I didn't scare him. He stirred a bit. One eye gently opening slightly, I smiled. He was awake.

"Oh Phil!" I said wrapping my arms tightly around the near-death-experienced-boy "I didn't think you would make it! W-why did you even try!" I said freely letting the tears down my paled face.

"T-Toby? W-What are you d-doing here?" That's all he had to say? I waited with him after he nearly _died._ And he asks me what I'm doing here? He might not remember what he did, he's only just woken.

"I- I didn't want you to die Phil. You were bleeding and you were unconscious and just everything- I got scared and Jonathan sent me t-to get you b-but you were like t-that" I said rushing nearer the end I didn't want to think about how angry Jonathan will be when he is back for not bringing Phil down to him.

"Neither did I. I-I didn't mean to. I-I cut too d-deep without r-realising" I understood now, he didn't mean to, who would want to die with that much pain? I would want it quickly not slowly bleeding to death. I've cut before it releases a lot of pain, sometimes you go to deep when you're in a painful memory.

"It's ok Phil. I'm here now" I cooed as I patted his leg. I didn't want to scare him away. Not yet. He didn't deserve to be alone in all of this. No way did he, he needed me but I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I hadn't talked to him since the day we were taken. I felt scared to as Jonathan might have come to us and spilt us up. I didn't want that.

"I- I miss Dan, Toby" my heart sank. I tore him away from his other half, his love. I felt so guilty even to talk to him right now. He needed Dan, he needed someone who could help him. Only Dan could do that. Not me. I wish I could, but I'm not his Dan.

"I know you do Phil. I'm so sorry for all of this it's all my fault. I should have been less selfish and let him kill me, not-" I cut my self off. I nearly let out Jonathan's big secret, I couldn't do that I would die if he found out. I felt my throat going dry as I gulped down hoping he hadn't noticed I had cut my self off. He couldn't know. Not right now while he's like this. Not ever. Never will this boy know. He knew too much, I had 2 secrets. He almost found out one. I nearly told him that and I have a bigger secret… the one Jonathan wants Phil for… I can't let it spill so I let us sit in the silence.

"Toby? Will I get extra beating? Because I missed today's…." He voice was quiet and horse as he spoke, I could tell he was on the brink of tears. I moved closer placing my hand on his trembling knee.

"Don't worry Phil. we're alone right now, Jonathan is out at the pub. Don't worry" I lied. He had everything to worry for, when Jonathan discovers his fresh blooded scars he will pick up on Phil's weaknesses. He will pressure Phil in to telling him what made him cut. He will find out more about Dan. he will use Dan against Phil. I can't let Jonathan do that to them. They were too perfect of a couple. I didn't really see them when they were but I knew they were by the way they looked at each other in class. The way Dan's face sank when he saw Phil in the hallway of my old 'house'. the way Dan never gave up. The way Phil cut for Dan. The way they loved each other without a care in this world. They loved each other and nobody would or could pull them apart. Not even Jonathan. This gave me hope that we would get out of here, I wanted to, Phil needed to. We will get out. I know we will.

"O-ok" he replied. I told him he could fall asleep, he looked exhausted and needed sleep. It had been a busy day for him. I didn't want him to stress out or anything. As he fell asleep I left his room. I didn't deserve to be in there, I am the main reason he could've died. I should have let Jonathan kill me not his- I can't emit what Jonathan did, not even to myself.

_He's a monster._

**Dan P.O.V**

I felt so stupid. I felt so weak. I felt like a fragile little kid again when ever someone came up to me I would flinch away. I'm a wimp. I didn't want to be alone right now, luckily Chris stayed with me when we came home. What was I even thinking? My thoughts were clouded with memories of that moment I let my foot fall from the height, instantly regretting my move. I didn't realise what I was doing. Pain can take over you at time. I thought that dying was the only way I could escape this hell hole. But I don't think it is now. I saw what pain went through my mothers eyes. I had made my mother cry from even just trying to commit, imagine what pain everyone would have gone through if I hadn't had Chris there to save me from my death bed? I wouldn't be here curled in a ball on my nice warm bed with Chris cross legged at the other end. His face was pale with fright. I caused that.

I was a 16 year old boy. I was a boy who was willing to step away his 16 years here on Earth. One step it was all over – nearly. I had worked hard for 16 years, yet I felt the need to throw it all in the bin over one petty guy? I wasn't even _bi or gay_ before I laid eyes on Phil. Did I just call my Phil petty? I mentally killed myself, how dare my brain think that about Phil, he wasn't an ordinary boy, he was special, he was perfect with and without his scars, to me anyway. My dearest Phil. I miss Phil with my heart; it's been ages since I saw his smile. Where he tries to cover his popping out tongue with his pale hand. I really do miss him.

"I- I'm sorry Chris. I- I didn't know w-what I was d-doing" I said after we sat in a comfortable silence for awhile, just letting it sink in how much of an idiot I was.

"Dan it's ok. You're ok now, you're not at the bottom of the Thames." He said simply. I was so grateful he went for me, he could've stood there and waiting for the ambulance but he didn't. He dived in and untangled me. Without my best friend I would be dead, un-noticed, floating at the bottom of the river. Never to know what happened to Daniel Howell.

"I know. But I can't thank you enough for what you did Chris." I said looking at his through my damp eyes from the tears I shredded just moments ago.

"Dan, really it's ok. I'm glad I was there. I couldn't bare to loose you" he said smiling at me, and for once over the last 5 months I cracked a smile, not a big one but a smile. It felt nice to become happy even for that one second Chris showed he cared. It felt good.

_I'm not giving up, not yet. I won't let this beat me. I will find you Phil. Even if it kills me. You're my deaths wish to be found._

_***3 months later***_

**Dan P.O.V**

I decided that it would be a good idea to try and start school again, I haven't been since Phil.. disappeared. That was 8 months ago now. It was mid-October and that meant I was going back in half-way through a term, this was going to be interesting.

I have been feeling a lot happier lately, Chris and PJ have been coming around a few times a week to play video games and to check on me. It's nice to have people who care. Phil still crossed my mind every now and again but I didn't let it get the better of me, I knew one day I will be able to find Phil. but for now, I guess I had to wait, wait until I had a plan, wait until I got someone I could trust to help me. I had no idea where to start but maybe one day I will. One day I'll get my Phil back.

I groaned as I got up out of bed and ran my hand through my curly hair, great curly hair. I got up and slipped on some clothes as I had showered last night so I was ok and ready in the morning. I got my straighterners out and straightened my hair.

When I was done, I looked in the mirror, I saw my arms and sighed. I didn't like to look at them. I haven't cut in around 1 or 2 weeks now and I didn't like to see my own arms shredded up like they were. I grabbed a jumper and pulled it over, sorting my hair. I looked like a normal boy. A boy who wasn't suicidal only a few months ago. Only I, Chris and PJ knew about that. That's how I wanted it. If the whole school knew, things wouldn't be so good.

I quickly ran down stairs eating an apple for breakfast saying goodbye to my family and leaving to get on the bus to school. I plugged in my headphones and played some muse. Before I knew it I was stood in front of the building, slightly nervous as I hadn't been here in so long. I walked in.

I walked into registration. As soon as I was sat down a crowd of people formed around me. I forgot how many 'friends' I had and how they would want to know why I wasn't here. I span around and faced Jack and Finn.

"Dan! You're back!" Jack exclaimed reaching over his desk and hugged me. It was nice to have my friends back.

"Hi Jack, Finn. I- I'm sorry I haven't been here in so-" I got cut off by Paisley, Wallis's best friend.

"Dan, we all know why you and Phil weren't here. Phil went missing" I froze, how much did they all know? It was my life I didn't want people to know, I didn't want them to know what I tried to do, they would call me emo, they would call me a freak, they would ditch me and I would be alone. Before I could answer I noticed I was digging my nails at my wrist, I quickly stopped, I didn't want to start again. "Is Phil still missing or something? Because he's not here…" Paisley wasn't the smartest girl in school, rather the opposite.

"H-he's still missing" I said barely audible to anyone around me. "Guys, what else do y-you know?" I asked looking around at the 5 people stood up and Jack and Finn.

"Well, we know Phil is missing… Chris told us, he was in tears around 3 months back? We don't know why he said it was Phil but I don't think it was. What happened Dan?" Finn asked. Oh god. Chris told them Phil was missing, did he tell them about me. I looked around at the eyes staring right at me. I couldn't take it. I was digging my hand at my wrist.

"I- I-" I couldn't tell them. No Dan you'll be called emo. You'll be known as the school emo. I was saved when Mr Sutton came in and told everyone to sit down.

I spent the rest of the day with Chris and PJ trying not to draw attention to myself. I didn't want questions about Phil. he brought back bad memories, I was scared. I didn't know the answers and to some I didn't want to answer.

It was now the end of the school day and when I was walking home from school, the heavens opened and it started to rain. I pulled my hood up not bothering to run, I didn't feel like it. I liked the rain it was nice and calming. I was around half way home now and I received a text message, I guessed it was from PJ or Chris. I was wrong. I took my phone from my pocket and it was from an unknown number, I unlocked my phone and read the message, my mouth forming a perfect 'o' shape as I continued.

"_Hello Daniel. Just want to say, I have your little friend. Phil isn't it? Yeah well just wanted to say, you have 2 weeks to the day before its bye bye Philly. I will allow you too meet me and your little boyfriend, maybe if you have what I want you will get your boyfriend back, but if you don't lets say you'll see blood… and then you'll be blacked out as well. Don't tell anyone about this little arrangement. Don't tell anyone what you're doing. You got that? I will be in the old 'Big Buds' shop on E Philip Street in Manchester at 9pm sharp. If you're not there well you will never get another chance because your boyfriend… he will be shot and dumped in the River Irwell which is just a few yards from where I am standing. You got that punk? Good bye, I will see you 2 weeks from today." _

_What? Manchester? 2weeks? Phil shot… dumped in river? _No. I won't let him do this. I have to go there. I can't tell anyone. He will know.

_This is my chance to get my Phil back. I'm not giving up on this chance._


	22. Chapter 22 - Commence Operation

**Dan P.O.V**

It's been a few days since I got that text, I don't know who it's from still. Maybe it was that man who was in the house with Phil? But how did he get my number, I shook my head and tried to get the thought out but I couldn't. I couldn't stop think about how he said he would shoot and throw Phil... _My Phil_ into the river.

I was sat upstairs on my bed, letting my brain tick away, I kept thinking, 2 weeks till I can get to Phil… but what if it's a trick? And he shoots us anyway? And what did he mean by what he wanted? How was I meant to know what he wanted? He never told me. I didn't ever reply to that text, maybe if I didn't reply he would think I was declining. But I wouldn't miss the chance of being with Phil. Phil needs me. I can finally save Phil. But how on Earth am I , a 16 year old boy, going to get to Manchester without telling anyone why… I had to tell someone, how was this man going to know? It's not like he has spies or anything that would report this all to him.

I decided I would tell Chris and PJ, they wouldn't tell anyone. Phil means a lot to them as well so they wouldn't put Phil in risk of danger if it meant him dying. Never would they. Right? I picked up my phone trembling a bit. What if the man had hacked into my phone and could hear everything I say? Or every text I send? 'Stop it Dan you're paranoid' I told myself under my breath. I tapped Chris' number and waited for him to pick up.

"Hello? Dan? Why are you calling" I heard Chris say from the other side of the line. I gulped, was I ready? Or should I ask them to come over and talk in person. That might be better.

"Hi Chris, is PJ with you?" I asked trying not to make it obvious I was nervous.

"Yeah, I'll put you on-" I cut him off.

"No n-need, can you guys come to my house? I'd rather talk about this in person" I said holding back the quiver in my voice.

"Yeah sure Dan. Are you sure you're ok?" he asked I replied yes and then he said bye as he left for my house. I was nervous about telling them this, what if they think I'm joking or something? No they won't. Chris wouldn't, PJ wouldn't. Why was I so nervous telling my _best_ friends about this? It wasn't like this man could come to my house he didn't even know where I lived. Wait, what if he followed me home after I saw him at Phil's and he found my house – stop it Dan. I rubbed my fingers on my temples and fell backwards onto my bed waiting for Chris and PJ to arrive so I didn't have to wait for this any longer, I didn't want to.

I heard the door bell go, they're here. I quickly sprang up from my uncomfortable position and raced down the stairs to open the door, only a salesman. I sighed and said no thanks when he offered me to buy some equipment for exercise, me exercise? No way.

I went into the front room and huffed as I sat down on the sofa chair while mum and Adrian sat on the couch, they had the news on TV. I watched as I had nothing else to do while I waited. It would help to forget for just a while.

I was watching for around 10 minutes until I saw something on the TV, It was a photo of that man. The man who was at Toby's house. I listened carefully to the presenter.

"Police are warning people cross-country to watch out for this man. He is a danger to us all as he was sent for trail over the murder of Mrs. Lester, his wife. He escaped from Manchester prison 9 months ago and he was spotted last weekend walking past the building site on Springfield lane. If you see him again, please call the police. Thank you and goodnight" she finished, my mouth opened forming that annoying 'o' shape. Mrs. Lester? So he's something Lester. Wait did I ever know Phil's last name? Who is that man to Phil? What if he kills Phil, he's murdered his wife and escaped the prison. I started to panic in the front room my mum and Adrian turned their heads to me.

"Dan honey? You ok?" my mum asked with a slight puzzled expression.

"Y-Yeah, sure I am mum" I said shakily, I didn't want to tell her I saw the guy. That murder. That kidnapper.

"Sure? You're shaking Daniel" She only ever calls me Daniel if she's worried or mad at me for some reason.

"Cold. That's all." I said standing up and going out the door, as I stepped into the hallway the doorbell went again. I opened the door to find a beaming Chris and not so pleasant looking PJ.

"Hi guys" I said inviting them in.

"Hey, what di-" Chris got cut off by PJ.

"Dan. C-Chris needs to tell you something as well" he said emotionless. What did Chris have to say? Was it bad… I hope not. I lead them up to my room and all three sat on my bed, Chris in between PJ's legs resting his head on PJ's chest. I sighed. How I miss having Phil here to have contact with, his warm kisses, his hugs, his late night talks. I miss everything about him.

"So, shall I go first?" I said breaking the thin ice of silence in the room. I took a quick breath as they both nodded. _I'm sorry Phi. _I said hoping Phil could hear me if this some how did get leaked to that… man.

"Well, I erm- I got a text, a few days back. I-It's from the man w-who has Phil." I started looking at their shocked faces staring at me in 'gosh'. I continued; "H-He said t-that-" I cut myself off grabbing my phone, I had made such I saved the message in case I needed the police as it had the address in it. "It's better if I show you" I said putting the phone down on the correct screen for them to read, Chris got his phone out, what was he doing? He kept looking to and from the phones like they both had something life-changing on.

"D-Dan. I- I'm so sorry. We nee-" I cut him off mid-sentence.

"NO!" I calmed a bit looking at their shocked expression " I- I mean, I h-have to go alone g-guys. I can't r-risk you getting hut p-please" I begged they just sat there looking at the phones, what was on Chris' phone?

"Chris, w-why are y-you looking at y-your phone?" I said after a while of them sitting back in overblown emotion.

"Dan. H-he called m-me the other d-day. H-he said I-I can't trust you. And h-he said y-you're going t-to die" Chris said in an almost whisper. What was he on about? Me dying… who was going to kill me? What's going on! I started to have a mini panic attack; I didn't know what was going on. This man was a murder; if he wasn't after Phil, he was after me, what did I do? I don't know him, what about if someone was waiting outside my house to kill me when I stepped outside. What about if this was actually my last day on Earth.

"Dan! Clam down, don't worry!" Chris said leaning over to pull me into a hug, my breathing was fast, I didn't know what to think or what to do. I felt like someone was watching my every move now. Even worse than I did before.

"I- I-" I stuttered. I couldn't get my words out, I heard a rustle in the tree outside my window, making me jump. Dan stop being silly…

"Dan, it's ok. I don't believe him. He's properly bluffing to get you scared to come to him, he wants to kill Phil. Not you Dan. it's-" I cut him off with a loud cry and scream. No Phil can't die.

"NO! NO! Don't say that Chris! I- I'd rather die f-for Phil!" I said tears plastering my delicate skin on my face. I couldn't stop shaking. I had to get to Manchester for that time. I'll go early, I'll find a hotel or something to stay for a week and I'll be ok. Phil will be ok.

"O-ok Dan. C-Calm down" Chris said hastily as I had my firsts screwed into tight fists, my fingernails dug into my flesh a bit but I didn't care at this moment.

"I- I'm sorry" I said sitting back down curling myself into a ball burying my face into my trembling knees I felt so stupid, I freaked out and I scared my two best friends.

"It's ok Dan, w-we understand" PJ finally spoke.

I let out a small whimper into my knees. I didn't want to loose Phil to this monster. I will jump into that river for Phil if the worst happens, I will do what Chris did for me. I will save Phil. Phil did nothing to deserve this. I did, I deserve every piece of shit I get. I had made a bad mistake. I remembered, how did I ever forget that voice? Was it the panic of seeing Phil? I will never forget what he asked me to do, This isn't good.

_He really is out to kill me._

_I realised why this man was after me. _

_I'm the monster._

_My family name is a monster. Howell._

Time past, I had calmed but the thoughts of that man in my head pounding away, I didn't want to die. But I couldn't have ever done what Jonathan had asked me to do. I had paid the price for my mistake in denying. A very painful mistake and now Phil is suffering. I can't take this, why can't I get there early? Let Jonathan take me, this time I will do what he asks; I won't let him kill another loved one. I Never will.

**Unknown P.O.V**

I watched them from the tree, trying not to move. The three of them, the boy I was after wasn't looking too good, screaming and shaking I could see through his window.. Why did I have to do this? I couldn't Jonathan will hate me, but this boy meant too much to dear Philip, I won't let this happen. I need some back up for this plan. I need my brother to have his lover. He needs him.

**Chris P.O.V**

_*1 week later*_

"PJ! Quick! We need to get there, we can't let him go alone!" I screamed as I ran down the stairs, grabbing the two bags. We had memorised the text writing it onto my phone. We couldn't let Dan go alone. This man could be dangerous. We needed to help.

**Dan P.O.V**

I stood at my front door note in hand and eyes fixed on the door in front of me, I had to do this, this was for the best right? One more week and I will have Phil back safe. If my plan goes to work. I hope it does, I really do. I need Phil to be safe, I need to be safe. I owe this to my farther, he died a hero for his 10 year old son. I didn't know any better, why did I ever say no? I let a single tear run down my cheek kissing the note and sticking it to the door.

"_Dear mum and Adrian,_

_This may be the last time I you will hear from me. I might be dead soon. But don't you worry; I am doing this for dad. It's my time to stick up to that monster; he took our dad Adrian (You were too young, I'm sorry) and your husband mum. He took my lover, he took Phil. He took everything from us. He should get what he always wanted from us, me dead. This will stop him messing with our family. I love you. Remember me and dad always, we love you both ~ Daniel your son & big brother x"_

I let a tear drop onto the paper and ran out the door, bag in hand, eyes set on the train station where my route to my one and only way of life, the life I was meant to be in 6 years ago. The one that made my farther die.

I got onto the train taking a quite seat in a corner away from everyone, I hadn't even said good bye to PJ or Chris. Only my mother and Adrian. I let a few tears roll down my cheek. This time, Friday, next week I will be dead. He will have taken my life for freedom from this life. I will be my families' hero along with my dad.

_Commence operation; Daniel's death._


	23. Chapter 23 - Poisoned Words

**Jonathan P.O.V**

I need to get this boy. I bet he doesn't even remember me. Yes I took Phil for his own petty reasons – as he ran away. But I also took him because I found out from my dear 'friend' Toby about Daniel, I instantly recognised him via his fathers name 'Howell' that boy must have forgot all about me as he never recognised my voice the other day, petty, petty Daniel. I don't want that boy dead no more, I want him back where I had him - Just like I have dear Toby.

I decided it would be good to get Steven filled in on the rest of the plan, he should help me. I hope he hasn't killed Daniel yet. I want to make sure Daniel actually gets here now. I picked up my battered phone and dialled Steven's number.

"Hello? Steven, this is your farther. Don't kill Daniel – let me have a bit of fun with his emotions first" I said holding back a laugh at the other boys misfortune.

"Jonathan, I didn't kill him. And what do you mean? Don't do this to him dad! He told you before he didn't want to, let him be" I let my laugh pour. He seemed so oblivious to all of this, of course he said no before – and he knows the consequences of saying no to me now.

"Oh Steven. He won't refuse this time; he knows what happens when you get on the wrong side of me. I wonder who he cares about so much, hmm – our Philip." This is why I wanted Dan to come to us, I wanted him to know if he said no this time, his dear Phil will be… need I carry on?

"You can't do that again dad! Phil is your _SON_, you wouldn't have the hea-" I cut him off.

"Since when did I give one about Phil? I hardly would call the fuck up a son. _You_ are my only full son. Along with, well you know who" I knew I didn't have to use his name, Steven would know who I meant so will that boy.

"I- I- I'm sorry dad. And I know. Do I come back to Manchester?" I cracked a slight smirk. This is just starting, I hope to see blood that day Dan turns up, anyone's I don't care who. I have plenty of people I would kill, for many reasons.

"Yes, come back. We have a week until Daniel is paying his little 'visit' I hope he remembers me. He will soon enough" I carried on smirking while talking on the phone.

"W-What are you going to do dad?" as if he had to ask.

"Oh, maybe just blackmail him into giving in and you know… work for me? Like I wrapped your ste- I mean Toby into doing" I hung up not letting him reply. I couldn't wait. I nearly called Toby that name. How dare I, I swore to him and Steven that I would never refer to him of that, never. Too bad I _had_ Toby's whore mother, she really made a mistake with going through with that pregnancy, the poor poor boy. Could have lived a perfect life, too bad his mother had a big gob letting it slip to me. Now I have her gone and have an extra helper on my arm. I realised it was nearly noon so I went up to Phil, as I opened the door I saw him crying I let out a laugh.

"N-no Jonathan. P-please" he begged. As if I would refuse, for his pathetic whimper I began with the good old kick to the stomach making his yelp. Must have hit a sore spot. Too bad. Time to release my anger onto my little kick-bag.

**Steven P.O.V**

I got back into Manchester at 5 o'clock. I headed straight through the strong winds back to E Philip Street, the building my family stay. I couldn't help but to think of why my farther would do such vile things to people. I knew he has always been into drugs, murder and illegal work. But to have a stone cold heart? I never knew he could go that deep, threatening a pre-workers son to work for him while at the risk of his son being killed, just so the boy would say yes.

I arrived and opened our secret door. I saw Phil curled in the corner, bloody nose, multiple bruising, head in knees. I knew who did all that, dad. Why was he picking on Phil? His son. Full son. He used to love us, he used to care, I can't believe I left Phil to cope with this for so long. I'm glad he finally found happiness with Dan, but then farther came and ruined his life again. I miss old Phil. Sat talking all night, him climbing into my bed with his Lion when there was a storm, our endless discussions about love, every time me him and mum went to the local park and Phil would scream out to the pigeons scaring them away. We did all that without realising what lay behind my fathers smile. Right now I was smiling but I was close to tears **(Sorry, I had to put some 'The Script' lyrics in right there)** with all the memories coming back to me. But I snapped back into reality seeing my younger brother curled up broken, beaten and betrayed by me, farther, mother – she left a long time back so I heard – and most of all Toby's secret.

I walked past Phil not noticing him stir, I couldn't face him right now. I walked down the hall way and bumped into Toby in the kitchen. It looked like he had been crying.

"Hey Toby? Are you ok?" I asked. I hope he wasn't being beaten as well.

"Y-Yeah. I'm fine Steven. Why are you back?" I saw the pain no one else saw behind his bright blue eyes.

"You're not Toby. Please tell me" I beg as I wrap my arms around him when his face looks like it will explode from holding everything back, I once felt like him.

"I- I heard Jonathan on t-the phone to you. W-why does he want D-Dan?" I froze, I thought he knew.

"Dan's d-dad worked for Jonathan. D-Dan refused to follow his father's footsteps. So Jonathan killed h-his farther. That's all you need to know Toby" I said tears pricking at my eyes.

"H-he-" Toby gulped "Killed, Dan's dad?" I nodded but realised he wouldn't see so I replied.

"Yeah. It was 6 years ago… he was only 10" I felt my top soaking up Toby's tears. I was once like Toby, I knew Toby was trying to protect Phil. It was obvious the way he spoke to Jonathan after Phil's beatings.

"Oh..." that's all replied for awhile, I let my grasp around him loosen. "Steven? I have a plan…" I my eyes widen, what's he on about?

"W-What is it?" I don't want to hear this, it could be risky "W-wait don't tell me" I said and started to walk out the room. Toby grabbed my arm and spun me around wide eyed.

""We can save them both Steven! I mean Dan and Phil. Let me at least tell you my plan. PLEASE! I CAN'T LET HIM KILL DAN WHOS INOCENT AND MY HA- I MEAN PHIL!" I stood back in shock, Toby had never shouted like that before. I saw the first tear roll down his red cheek. Flustered from anger and pain. I wipe the tear away and nod slightly.

"O-ok, calm down Toby, I'll listen" I said smiling at him weakly.

"W-when Dan comes. And J-Jonathan makes you tie him u-up, c-can you untie him. Make him scream or I will somehow, make him attack you. Jonathan will come over and sort you and him out. I- I- I will t-then take my gun and-and-and k-k-kill him" I stood back in shock more. Was he really going to kill Jonathan? I must emit the plan may work, but how would we even be sure that Jonathan will come over. I don't care, it's worth a shot. Maybe we can save them both. Let them go back to their home. Maybe then we can live a normal life. Just maybe. I nod and a smirk appears on Toby's face.

_I hope our little plan works._

**Dan P.O.V**

I stepped onto the platform taking in the hustle and bustle of the Manchester train station. I walked over to the map on the side of the wall and scanned through it. Oh, Salford. I gulped, I didn't want to know what was there, I had to spend a whole week on the streets now, then I can save my Phil. I hope. Maybe I will have to surrender into _his_ arms; so I can free Phil. I hope Phil won't hate me for doing it. It will be the only way, I can't let Phil die, I would jump in front of a bullet for him. I looked in my pockets for my phone, taking it out and taking a quick picture of the sign so I knew where to go.

I remembered. I have been to Manchester before, I had seen that man before, he was dads 'boss' I must have really blocked that day out to not recognise him at Toby's house… I haven't been to Manchester since I was 10, I hate it here, it brings so many memories back now. My dad having to travel up here often for what he called 'work' all I know now was it wasn't work. It killed him.

I can't even remember what I felt when me and dad came up here because his 'boss' wanted to meet me as I could get a 'job' here. I said no. I basically killed my own farther with _one_ word. His boss, I can't remember his name, I was too young and in shock when I saw my farther on the ground bleeding, I ran. I ran back to the train and went back home into my mothers arms I couldn't speak for a week. Soon I told her what happened to dad, nothing has been right ever since. She plasters that smile onto her face. I try and ignore the fact I killed my farther with a word. I blamed my father's death on a accident in my brain. I didn't want him to die. I was too young to realise what this man was doing.

I decided to call Adrian and explain not to worry, he never knew the real cause of dad's death. Mum and I told him it was a car accident. I thought if he saw the note he would be confused, I had to tell him.

"Hello? Dan! Why did you leave, come home please Dan?!" I heard him plead as soon as I spoke, could I really break his fragile heart?

"Hi… I can't come home Adrian, I'm in Manchester. I'm doing what dad would want me to do. Apologise for his death, go to the side that caused it, go to the side where I die. I wish I died not him Adrian." I couldn't help but let a tear dribble down my cheek as I walked down the bare street with the cool autumn winds hitting me.

"What do you mean Dan? Daddy died in a car accident… what side are you going to? Why are they going to kill you Dan!" I heard a crack in his voice, I sat on a bench this was going to be a long explanation.

"Adrian. Dad didn't die in a car accident. Dad didn't work as a bank-manager. Dad worked for a man… in a l-lot of illegal stuff. H-his manager wanted me to w-work for him. So the day dad died he t-took me up there to meet his manager, dad w-was crying on the trip. I didn't understand why, I do now. I s-said no to w-working for this man, t-then he s-s" I cut my self off as I let out a huge burst of tears, I couldn't cope will bringing it all back, it hurt too much. "he s-shot dad" I let me tears fall freely down my face. I heard Adrian gasp at the other side, I didn't like hurting him.

"D-Dan? You d-didn't know. I'm s-sorry Dan. Don't cry. Don't go to him! He'll kill you Dan! Get Phil and get home please! Don't let him kill you! Mum and I really need you Dan! Don't let him take you away, please, please pl-" I cut him off, I couldn't hear him say anymore. It broke my heart every word he spoke.

"I'm sorry Adrian. Bye, tell mum I love her and you" I cut the line not waiting for a reply; I curled my legs into my chest and just cried. No one was around so I didn't care what I looked like, nothing would happen I was going to die; I was willing to die for my love. He deserves the choice of life.

My words are poison, they kill the people mentally and physically when I speak them. Even a simple word like 'no' killed my own farther. The 'I love you' I always said to Phil caused him to get kid-napped. The 'good-byes' to my brother caused him to cry. My 'sorry' and 'no' caused my mother grief and pain. The words from my mouth speak fluent poison. Nothing was worth it anymore. Maybe one word will break it all. A 'yes' to dad's boss.

_It will break my curse of poisoned words. _

_I will live hell for the rest of my life curtsy of my poisoned words._

_My poisoned words only bring grief and pain to loved ones._

_I speak fluent poison._


	24. Chapter 24 - Monster, Not a Father

**Chris P.O.V**

I just want my friend back. he doesn't know what's he's getting himself into really, going up there all by himself, to a man who could be anyone just because he _may_ have his boyfriend. I don't know what to say to PJ, he seems nervous.

We're on the way to Manchester on the train, I hope Dan hasn't got there before us already. I turn to face PJ and take his headphones out of his ears, I need someone to comfort me in my worry. What if Dan doesn't get Phil back? What if he does something stupid? What if h-he tries again?

"PeeJ?" I nudge his side waiting for him to come back to earth from his daze.

"Hm? Oh… What's wrong Chris?" he asked with that small tint of care in his green eyes. Do I say? I don't know, maybe I'm just being stupid.

"Oh, nothing sorry I- I just wanted to say… err… the view is nice!" I grin at him. Fake of course. He looks out the window and just looks back at me like I'm stupid.

"Chris. We're in a tunnel babe" I blush, what else was I meant to say?

"Oops, I- I meant when we were err- outside the tunnel, silly!" I say and ruffle his hair, I hope this trip is over soon.

"No you didn't. Chris what's bugging you?" I sigh. I just have to say it to him, nothing can happen. Just me being silly.

"Err- I was just wondering why do you think Dan came up here _alone_. Like wouldn't it be dangerous and if he doesn't get Phil back he'll- he'll-" PJ cut me off quickly, muffling my words into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me pulling me close.

"Shh, Dan wouldn't do that Chris. Not again. He _will_ get Phil back, I'm sure of it. Please clam down. And he may have though- well, that he didn't want to drag people- err, up here or something" he said placing a small and soft kiss in to my messed up hair. I nodded weakly and let him rock me in his arms until I swiftly fell into sleep. Peace filled sleep.

**Steven P.O.V**

I agreed with Toby that I will go along with his plan as long as nothing will go wrong, I hope nothing goes wrong. I cant let Phil live like this any longer, I would help him myself but Toby said h-he had lost his memory, would he ever remember me? I don't think he will. I left when he was around 10. I don't even think he has heard of Toby, I'm not surprised if he hadn't, Toby isn't something my dad is proud of. He hid Toby for ages away from everyone, I only found out about who Toby is when I came back from hiding that day when dad phoned. I still cant believe he did that.

I walk into the front room, Phil isn't there no more, I sit on the couch just thinking about everything. How much of a fail I was to my family when mother… disappeared. How much I regret abandoning Phil with dad. How much I want to save him and get him back to someone who will always love him. _Dan._

I look up when I hear someone coming in the room, Dad. I sigh internally and sit up he looks as if he cured cancer.

"Dad? Why so grinny?" I ask sarcastically, I didn't mean to it just had came out that way.

"I have a plan. Just a small plan I call, _revenge_" I had heard that before. He has been planning 'revenge' on the Howell's for years, nothing happened. Too much of a wimp, I'm guessing.

"And that is?" I ask raising my eyebrows to show that I really don't think he will be telling the truth.

"When Daniel comes here, a week today, you will be tying him up. I will get my gun, I will hold it to Phil's head. If he says anything I don't want him to, well, I'll get Toby's gun and I'll make him, kill his precious little boyfriend. How's that? This way he _will _say yes to being my little 'toy' for anything" he smirked. My tummy did flips. He was insane, he was going make Dan kill Phil if he didn't agree to being with him? Wait, my plan with Toby. This may work, that is if Dan does as he is told. I don't know, I don't want to see a good persons blood. Especially Phil's.

"O-ok, I will p-play along" I whimper out. This way I can trick Jonathan into thinking I'm going along with his plan when I tie Dan up. I didn't want to but I guess I had to, just so I didn't see Phil's blood. Just so that mine and Toby's plan works just the way we need it to.

_There may be 2 ways this will go. But I'm certain the right plan will be the one that comes through on the day. Maybe it's going to be Phil's destiny to die. Maybe._

**Dan P.O.V**

I finally got up off the bench, it was even more dark now. I hope I find somewhere to stay, I really don't want to stay on the streets of a place I don't know anything about, at all. Maybe I would have to, I would be here for a while anyway, I feel so bad now that I have given up and that I'm having to surrender. I just want Phil safe. If I'm not safe and he is, that's ok. Anything is ok as long as Phil is smiling again. Even if I die.

I start to kick the leaves around on the floor walking around aimlessly. Maybe I will bump into a hotel, one which only charges £5 a night. I only have £40 in my pocket and my phone. I scoff at the idea, a £5 B&B? As if. I groaned as I approached a busier street.

I carried on walking for what seemed like forever, I haven't seen a B&B yet. At least one which isn't 5star resort which offers; shrimps and everything. Suddenly, I run into something, I mumble a quick 'sorry' and attempt to scurry off. But this thing just grabbed my arm and yanked me back besides them.

"Hey? Are you ok, hun?" a calm female voice said hushed. I look up and meet a pair of vibrant green eyes and brown-frizzy curls that come down to her ribs. She looked like she was in her early twenties if you ask me. I smile weakly and nod.

"I'm new around." I shrug it off. I don't know who she is and I don't want to socialize with anyone. I hate meeting new people. "Just trying to find a place to stay, that's all" I reply now looking up at her.

"Silly thing! There's no B&B's around here! Only ones on the other side of town. How long are you staying here, boy?" she asked. I automatically felt flushed as I was so stupid not to just ask where they were.

"Er-" crap. What was I meant to say to that, 'don't know how long I'm staying here because I could be dead in a

fricken week' I think in my head before replying "Oh, I just need shelter for a week. But I only have £40 in my pocket, so I guess it's the streets" I weakly smile. I see her face drop.

"You poor thing! Come on. I'll let you stay with me and my fiancé. We don't charge as we will be sure glad to have a bit of personality around for awhile!" I smile, real this time, she seemed so open and warm, and could I trust her? I guess I could. Its only a week.

"Omg, thank-you so much!" I basically praise to her and she just smiles.

"No problem! I'm Allie by the way. And my fiancé is called Karl. You'll meet him when we get back to my house on Change Way **(So if you followed this well, and you looked up the street Phil is captured on *go on street view this place is creepy* you'll see Change way isn't that far away, just saying LOOK IT UP) **you'll like it there I swear!" I smiled and nodded, then we walked back to her house, I hope I can trust these people, they seem really nice.

I send my thoughts to my dearest Phil, I hope he's ok. I will find him in a week. I think to myself;

"_Just a week, Phil. Just a week, I'll find you, promise_

**Phil P.O.V**

I whimper as I hear footsteps coming up to my room. Jonathan recently blocked out my only tiny window of hope in the outside world when he had knocked me unconscious. I had lost it, Dan wasn't coming. Dan didn't care anymore, he was properly glad I was gone, I turned him gay, I turned his life up-side-down and I don't deserve such an Angel like him. I hope he's ok though. Something inside me makes me want to feel he _will_ come, but the rest is giving up hope, it's been 8 months! Why is it taking so long to get out of this hell?

"Ohhh Phhiiilllliippp" I hear from outside my door, Jonathan. I forgot about my beating earlier, he said I was expecting more tonight. I didn't want more tonight, I really just wanted to curl up and cry. Yes, cry. He opened my door, making it crash against the wall. I whimper at the loud noise as it breaks the deadly silence.

"J-Jonathan, I- I've been b-beaten a-already, p-p-please!" I let my lips talk for me, not running it through my brain first. My stupid comment earns me a pre-warm up slap. He carries on, it hurts. This is only the warming up. There's a lot more coming. He picks me up by my waist as I squirm under his grasp as he carries me to the top of the stairs setting me down.

"N-no Jonathan, PLE-" he kicks my stomach making me tumble down the stairs backwards, turning and bashing my head a few times as I travel down them. When I reach the bottom my head goes funny and everything is blurred. I don't think I can take much more of these beatings. I'm going insane.

"_Just a week, Phil. Just a week, I'll find you, promise"_

I must be hearing things right now, it felt like someone was talking into my ear, he sounded like Dan. but it wouldn't be Dan, Dan's back in London and I'm here, properly bleeding internally, on the floor in Manchester. I let a small tear roll its way down my crumpled face. I look up and see Jonathan smirking while trotting down the stairs like he had just won a prise. Yeah, a prise of hurting his _son._

I have to stand up to him, maybe today? I barely have any strength. He comes up to me and whispers something into my ear.

"Don't talk to your, farther, that way Philip, I have more power than you think I have over you" With that I went over board, I couldn't take this no more, nothing was going to 'be alright' or 'all work out' and Dan wasn't coming in a week, Dan will be moving on, kissing girls like a normal boy would. Nothing. I had nothing.

"You're nothing, Jonathan. You have nothing over me. I may be a heap on the floor right now, but I'm not a monster. I have feelings; I care about things and people. I know what its like to be _human_. You don't." I take a deep breath as I see his expression change into pure fury. I managed to squeak out a few more words before he began again.

"_You're a monster. Not a farther!"_


	25. Chapter 25 - Panic Station

_*Week Skip*_

**Dan P.O.V**

I woke up early today; I hardly can sleep because of the nightmares haunting me every night. Will I ever really get to see Phil again or was it all a set up? Maybe Phil is dead. Maybe. I will find out tomorrow, I am going to that address, I will try save Phil if all else fails. I will go with that man.

I groan and rub my eyes, swinging my legs out of the creaky spare bed. Allie and Karl seem like pretty nice people, I think I can trust them. I at least hope I can. I pick up my phone which was on charge it was flashing with a new message, unknown number. I quickly unplugged it and swiped across avoiding breaking down at the background of me and Phil, typing in my pass code. I scan the message.

_"Hello Daniel. Just reminding you. Remember about tomorrow, I can see the river from where I'm standing I could easily dismiss Philip in 5 minutes without any questions. You have until 9pm tomorrow night, or else."  
_

A frown appeared on my face as I read through it. It wasn't that far to the river, it really wasn't. I'm near it, I figured out East Philip Street is just a few minutes from where I am, I had to make sure I didn't run out and try to get Phil. I couldn't risk a thing. Not if guns were involved. I hope Phil realises I didn't want to leave him another weak. Maybe he hasn't been treated that badly, who am I kidding?

I sigh and wriggle out from my covers, cool air instantly wraps around my body. I grab a shirt from my unpacked bag and shove it on while walking down stairs trying not to make much noise as Allie and Karl are still asleep.

I put the bread in the toaster and waited. I tapped my finger on the counter while I thought about everything. What if Phil was dead? Maybe he didn't want to be saved? What if he wasn't at that place? I'll know tomorrow, I need to stop worrying. I need a relaxing last day. I don't want to die, but I most likely will. Why is life so complicated?

I start to feel my breath quickening; I don't know why I'm getting so scared. It's for Phil. its all for my love. I break down and slowly fall to the floor sliding down the counter onto the floor, I kept my knees up at my chest, wetting my PJ bottoms with tears. I zone out of reality and zone into an endless field of memories, nightmares and everything. I start to rock back and forth on my knees.

_*flashback*_

"_Daddy! Why do have to come work with you, I want to watch Winnie the Pooh!" I moaned as I took my seat on the train. My dad sighed and seat besides me._

"_Daniel, you have to. It could be your future" I could here a quiver in his deep tone._

_*at destination*_

"_Daniel. Please, don't freak out when this man comes. Ok?" he says patting my back" I was stuck watching this event from above it all, I couldn't bare to re-watch this day any longer I tried closing my eyes but I couldn't. I didn't want to watch how my dad died. I don't want this. I wanted to go down and make myself say 'yes' then maybe. Just maybe, dad would still be alive. _

"_Ah! The two Howell's" it definitely was the man from Toby's house the other day. When I watched the view, I saw a face in the window of the house he had came from, it was Phil's face. Why was Phil there? It may not even be him. But he looks so much like Phil. My Phil. I scream and shout at the scene trying to change time but it was like my vocal chords had been ripped out as no sound escaped my mouth._

"_So, Daniel." I saw something behind his hand, that gun. That was the gun he killed dad with. I let a tear roll down my cheek. "Want a job? Want to work with daddy?" the man cooed._

_Then it came. The word that ended fathers life. My poisoned word. My first hint of poison in my veins that attacks everything and everyone I love. "No" I saw him pull the gun out and bring it to my dad._

"_What was that, sonny? No? Well… I guess daddy has to go bye-bye" Then he shot. I screamed and cried both in the flashback and myself. I had just re-watched the most hated day in my life. I watched myself run; I couldn't stop or change anything. _

_I heard shaking and my name being called and I slowly went back into reality._

_*Reality*_

"Dan? You ok?" I hear someone say above me.

"Mm-hh?" Is all I can make out, I'm still in a daze, I start to shake when I remember what I just watched.

"Dan! You're shaking, what happened darling?" I look around to find Allie's sweet green eyes, but my eyes just widen and I shake my head, tears threatening to spill from my eyes any moment.

"N-Nothing. I- I- I'm fine Allie" I stutter out hopelessly thinking that I have convinced her.

"Daniel. Don't lie. Its ok, I won't judge. Did you have a panic attack?" she says gently tilting her head, trying to coax the words from me.

"Y-yeah. I- I- I'm sorry. I'm o-o-ok now" I said trying to stand up. I didn't want to tell her what about. But she just sat me back down.

"Careful Dan. Calm down first ok?" I nod and then I hear footsteps coming down stairs at first I jump but then Karl's face appears around the door frame and into the room.

"Hi Dan" He speaks as he gets a bowl and cereal.

"Hey… Er- guys? I have to er- leave tomorrow. Do you need any money or-" I got cut off.

"No need for money silly! We were blessed for you to stay with us. A right character!" Allie smiles at me, I smile back. I'm glad she is a nice girl, otherwise that would have been a high price for my now £25.

"Thanks _so_ much! I'll be out by 9pm promise!" I grin and then my toast pops from the toaster. I feel a bit better now, shoving the thoughts to the back of my mind.

Me, Karl and Allie go into the lounge turning on repeats of Doctor Who, until mid-afternoon.

_I don't want to leave this moment, but I have to so I can find Phil._

**Phil P.O.V**

I was getting weaker. Some days I couldn't even get the strength to arise from my sleeping position on my bed. Every part of my body was throbbing, every part was aching. I was dying, slowly and painfully. I remember that voice ringing through my head a week back. If it was being truthful then tomorrow would be the day Dan will save me. He would come right? I don't want to give up on him, he means too much to me.

I groan when I move at the slightest, Jonathan got another 'mate' to come here last night, he was rough and now I barely can move without a shocking pain down my spine. I'm weaker than I've ever felt. Right now I could really do with a hug. Not just any hug, Dan's hug. Some how my mind is always going back to Dan. I don't want it to, it gives me more pain knowing I may never get to feel his soft lips against mine. I feel so dirty and betrayed. It seems all I have been over the last 8, nearly 9, months is a punch bag, a loser and most importantly a worthless human being who's existence on Earth doesn't even matter any more.

I let my mind drift to the happy times I shared with Dan. They're the only happy memories I have, just Dan. I remember the first time I woke up and saw him by me, my tummy had been filled with butterflies at the thought of such a beautiful boy sat by me.

Then it went to when I first kissed him, as cliché as it seems, I felt like mini fireworks went off in my heart and then everywhere in my body as we talked about it, and then getting together. Everything back then seems so far away, so distance. Will I ever see another happy day with my Dan?

I start to feel bitter coldness dribbling down my cheek. Tears. I don't want all them memories t be my last happy ones. I can't live off a few memories for the rest of my life, definitely not if this is how I'm going to live till I'm old.

Maybe it's my fait to be trapped like this. I don't deserve happiness, as Jonathan said I'm a worthless fucking queer of a son. I should get the beatings I get because I have no other uses. I begin to think as if Dan can hear my idiotic calls.

_Dan come quickly. I don't have long. I don't want to die here. I want to feel your warm arms one more time. Even if it is just one time. Anything. I need you Dan._

I got cut off my thoughts by Jonathan walking in my room with the phone to his ear, I gulped.

**Dan P.O.V**

I walk up to my room as the TV show we were watching finished. I decided I better pack the clothes I've worn, in front of time as then I can be fully prepared for tomorrow's events and have enough time to say a proper good-bye to Allie and Karl. I wish I could stay for their wedding which was in a week's time, but I don't think I will be even here anymore.

I was getting my bag from the other side of my room when I heard my ring tone. No one had called me since I got here. I had only got that one text this morning.

"Hello? Who is ca-" I cut myself off when I realised who was on the other side, it was him.

"Why hello Daniel! Long time since we spoke isn't it? Let me think… 6 years?" Yep. It was him, I shuddered as he spoke so casually. This was the man who had _my_ Phil.

"Yes, 6 years. I remember you now. Why are you doing this?" I ask, holding back tears I can't let myself cry on the phone to him.

"Because I can. And also I need another toy. Hopefully you learnt your lesson with what happened to your papa right?" he sniggered down the phone, why is he doing this to me? I said no! But my poisoned words may strike again, they may get Phil killed. I'll have to surrender into him, I cant watch Phil die as well. He deserves a life of perfection not beatings and hurt.

"I- I did. B-But why have you got P-Phil?" I stutter out, I didn't mean to ask him but I felt like I had to as then I can know if Phil really is still with him, maybe I can speak to Phil.

"Oh Phil's perfectly fine." I heard footsteps, he was walking somewhere. "Speaking of which, I think Philip wants to tell you how much you need to come tomorrow" I heard a slight laugh coming from the other side and then a door. There was an obvious whimper coming through the phone. Phil.

"Phil! Can you hear me beautiful?" I said down the phone, instantly standing. I paced around the room as all I got as a reply was a few whimpers.

"D-Dan?" I hear. I sigh in relief.

"It's me baby. I'm going to get you out of there tomorrow. _I promise" _tear were now rolling down my cheeks. Phil was alive. Phil wasn't dead. Phil was going to be ok. I had to make sure of it.

"P-Please" more tears roll down my cheek. He sounds so broken, lost, hurt and everything I didn't want him to be. I heard a sharp 'slap' sound and then another cry and whimper. He was being abused, I knew it.

"Phil! What-" I got cut off when the mans voice boomed through the phone.

"Just get here tomorrow. Or Phil is going bye-byes. Good-bye Daniel. I'm glad to have you under contract – after so long" then the line went dead. I collapsed on my bed and began to cry. I was being weak, I heard the pain in Phil's voice, he really needed a saviour. I've not been able to be that saviour. I never will be. My brain felt like it would explode any minute now, I couldn't take it anymore. I dug my fingers between the strands of hair. And cried.

_Brain. You've arrived at panic station._


	26. Chapter 26 - It's Time

**Phil P.O.V**

I got awoken by my door opening, it hit the wall and I shot up out of bed. I looked over at the door and Jonathan was stood there with a smirk exposed on his grubby face. He walked over to me, I got worried it was too early for my beating, but to my surprise he walked straight past me and to the curtains. He pulled them apart, making my eyes squint; he never opened any shutters or curtains. Ever. What was so different about today? I sighed and winced as even breathing had become a struggle.

"Morning Sunshine. Big day today" he grinned, he actually looked happy. What was going on? Then I remembered, today was a week since I heard Dan's voice in my head, and it was the day Dan was on about yesterday on the phone, when Jonathan took the phone away from me I cried. I needed to hear Dan's words so much. He gave me my last pieces of hope.

I nodded in reply to Jonathan and he grabbed my arm tugging me behind him, going downstairs. I gulped maybe I would escape a beating today? As if. He probably will do extra today, just in case Dan does save me. What if I pass out and Dan comes but I'm unconscious?

"Now. We have a lot to do today, don't we Philip? You know what today is _right?_" I hesitated before answering him; I didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"D-Dan, c-coming." I said weakly, it was barely audible. I'm surprised I even managed to speak.

"That's right! Guess what? We have a little surprise for lover boy, want to see it?" My face dropped, oh god, what was he planning.

"W-what?" I said looking at him my eyes un-focused and threatening to tear up.

He went over to the kitchen, I followed. He stood on his tip-toes and grabbed something from on top of the fridge. I watched him wrap his hand around the coal-black object. His grin turning more into a smirk when he wriggled it around his finger, carelessly, my throat went dry. My mouth was opening and closing – no words escaping. He was holding a gun.

"Eh? Like it?" he said as if it was the best thing around. I didn't want to know what he was going to do with it, was it to kill Dan or me? Or completely different. Maybe Dan wouldn't come, I hope he doesn't. _Please Dan don't come._ I prayed in my brain hoping some how Dan could hear my thoughts. I shot out the room – I didn't want to hear anything else.

"_OI" _I hear coming from the direction I had just left. I just made this worse. "GET BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" he booms from the kitchen. I gulp and turn back around, looking in the eyes of Jonathan. His eyes were now horridly filled with hate, disgust and anger. I shouldn't have walked away. He was being nice, even if it was showing me a gun.

"S-Sorry" I whimpers as he approached me. He was towering over me as if he was a monster – which he was to me - I was starting to sink to the ground – thinking it would stop the punches.

"You were 'gon get an easy day, queer. But now 'ya ruined it." He said through gritted teeth. He was balling his fists in and out his palms. I gulped and scampered over to the wall – back right up against it.

He slowly paced up to me, his fist now hitting the other flat hand. Warming his hands for the first hit. I closed my eyes tight and prayed Dan would save me from all of this. His first connected with my jaw, I quickly buried my face in between my curled up legs – for protection – I let out a soft whimper. I heard a buckle undoing, he was getting the belt. I hated the belt. It always left marks and stung for days. I curl up further into my ball and wait for the impact. There it is. I scream in pain as the belt whips across my back, again and again. I squeeze my eyes shut waiting for it all to be over. I knew it wasn't over –_yet._

He finally stopped, I was sure I had a few broken ribs and scold marks down my back from the kettle and that adding to the already blistering pain from the earlier belt. I was still curled into a tight ball when he stood over me putting his belt back on.

"That was just to make sure I told you – you're worthless. Just in case something… happens tonight when lover boy comes" he smirks letting out a slight laugh and then walks away back upstairs. I let my tears fall when he's gone, I don't want to do all this. I want Dan. Dan come quickly, please.

_I can't even wait a few hours… oh Dan when are you coming?_

**PJ P.O.V**

Me and Chris were walking around – we had found a B&B earlier in the week – we were talking casually about Dan and Phil. If I being honest, I don't get why Dan went by himself.

"Yeah I get what you mean Peej, Dan could be in danger… we don't know what this guy is like!" Chris agreed to my earlier statement.

"Yeah, I just hope he finds Phil. We will have to spy on that house or something, I don't know" After that I got a tap on the shoulder. I turned around – a complete stranger. Actually, he looked a lot like Phil but older. "Yes?" I asked.

"Uhm- Are you on about Phil Lester?" he asked looking down at the ground. Oh so he knew Phil?

"Err- Yes. My friend Dan, he came up here be-" I got cut off.

"Oh god. Dan's in trouble! Why did he come, he's going to be taken by Jonathan! Jonathan will fricken kill Phil. Oh god. I need to get back. I'm sorry I'm so sorry!" and then he ran off with a panicked expression. I couldn't get my head around what he said – it came out so fast. I shot a look at Chris would had the same confused face. But then reality struck me. Dan was going to be taken by the man who has Phil – he's going to have to watch Phil die. We need to stop Dan for his own good.

"Chris! Did you hear that? Phil's going to be killed!" I yell. I was in panic and didn't know what to do.

"I- I- I-" is all he stuttered out. I couldn't blame him. I pulled him into a tight hug and let him weep on my shoulder. Me and Chris had to save Dan and Phil, this wasn't happening. Oh please let this all be a dream that I can't seem to wake up from.

"Shh, don't worry love" I coo into his ear. He's shaking slightly so I tighten my grip around him so he may feel more secure. "We will save them, don't worry" I pet my hand through his messy brown hair.

_I can't believe what is happening._

**Dan P.O.V**

I was scared. It was the day I can finally see my Phil again. Maybe only for a few minutes while I let him escape, but it will be worth it. Maybe I won't have to give in, maybe I can sneak in and get Phil and go. Who am I kidding? He will probably have Phil with him… I sighed and finished putting stuff in my bag – just checking from last night. I hauled my bag onto my shoulder and went downstairs – the time was 8pm. I wanted to have a walk around before hand so I had a clear head. Maybe go to the shop and buy some… Sort of pocket knife… for self defence. In case the worst happens I deicide to text my mum and PJ and Chris. But my mum and Adrian first, they deserve some explanation.

"_Hi Mum! Dan here. I love you. I'm sorry about my note, this is what Dad would want me to do and the mans got Phil – I don't want Phil to die. You have to understand please. Tell Adrian I love him and miss him. I miss you both. I'll always be your Dan. I'll go keep Dad Company if this man does the worst. Don't grief over me too much, I don't deserve it. ~ Love Daniel x"_

I close the door to Allie and Karl's house and walk down the street. I had decided not to bother Allie and Karl before I leave. I go to the local supermarket and ask if they have any pen knifes.

"Hi, sorry but do you have any pen knifes? I need one for a camp" I lie. I needed it for something way more dangerous.

"Yeah right this way!" she chirps giving me a wink. Erg. I follow her to the section for camping equipment I see a small penknife and pick it out, £5, not bad. I go and pay and leave the store. The autumn winds are getting quite chilly at this time. 'God damn you England and your blasting weather!' I curse under my breath as I walk back to where my phone says East Philip Street is. I pick out my phone again and begin to type a message for PJ and Chris.

"_Hi guys! I'm so sorry about leaving. This is what I have to do, I have to save Phil. Please don't hate me for too long. Make sure my mum and Adrian are keeping up at home, ok? I'm sorry again, and I love you in a friendly way. You will both always be my best friends ~ Dan x" _

Another fresh tear dribbles down onto my cheek as I walk along the cobble stoned path of East Philip Street. I'm pacing up and down its 8:30 now. I still have half an hour, I sit hidden in the brush of the building now, I know Phil is waiting for me on the other side of the wall. I can't face the truth, Phil could be dying 5 feet away from me but I'm sat here crying.

I stay there in the brush for quite awhile, I hear a door open and my head shoots up, I peek through the gap in the scenery. It's the man, he's looking around. He doesn't look very… caring. At least I now know Phil is definitely on the other side of that wall. I just need my confidence to get there.

_It's time. _

_I stand up and slowly start moving my way to the metal door. I slip inside, as soon as my feet touch the floor - I feel an arm around my middle and one clasping around my mouth._


	27. Chapter 27 - Bullet For My Lover

**Dan P.O.V**

I started to panic as the hand gripped harder onto my mouth, I wriggled around. Hopeless. I was now being dragged I had my eyes squeezed shut, I didn't want to see this happening.

"Open your eyes you little shit" it was him. I gulped and peeked open my eyes. To find myself inside the building, it wasn't this nicest, lets say that.

The room was… completely dull and plain. A large window closed off with cardboard was at the front, there were cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling and there was also dried blood on the rotting wooden floor panels. What had been going on here? I turned my head and caught the eyes of none other than Phil. he had a gag in his mouth and his hands tied behind him, also tied to an open drain pipe which ran down the wall. I saw all the bruises and blood scattered over his pale body. More pale than normal. I could help but to let out a muffled sob, the man who held me moved his hand and then my arms were being tied. I wriggled around trying to get out but he was strong.

"Daniel. Daniel. Daniel, silly boy. Trying to follow daddy's footsteps are we?" the man said bitterly. I glared at him; I didn't want Phil to hear what happened to my farther. Not if this man knew Phil well.

"Just let me go!" I also scream but stop myself from being to loud; I didn't want to sound mad. I needed to be calm.

"Steven, tie him up tighter! Clearly he needed a lesson for shouting" he booms across the room, I'm guessing the man behind me, who I hadn't seen yet, was called Steven.

I looked over at Phil with pain in my eyes as the dry rope cut deeper into my flesh. Phil was frantically shaking his head and wriggling around at this point.

"You stay still Philip. You know what I will do, right?" he said breaking eye contact with me to shoot a glare over at Phil. He approached him and stood high over the quivering body of my boyfriend. My boyfriend who I couldn't protect.

"Psst, Dan" I heard in my left ear. I shot a look up at the man holding my hands. Why was he trying to get my attention? "Dan? Right you can trust me ok? Just listen to me. If you listen to me, Jonathan won't be able to kill you or Phil. Trust me I don't want Phil to die as much as you." He passed a minute. In this minute my head was buzzing, why didn't he want Phil dead, yet he was helping this man? Who I guessed was called Jonathan as that's what he called someone. "P-Phil's my … brother" I gasped internally, I couldn't believe it, Phil's brother is helping this Jonathan? Well this Jonathan is clearly not right in the head.

"W-Wh-" I got cut off by him grasping a hand around my mouth, his grip loosening on my hand ties.

"Shh. Don't speak – yet." I shut my mouth; I didn't want to anger anyone. "Right, listen Dan-" he got cut off by a sharp sound, he looked up and over at Phil's direction, I followed his gaze. A tear dribbled down my cheek as I watched what was happening, I tried to wriggle over to them and stop Jonathan. Steven held me back, I would make it worse. He clasped my mouth so I couldn't speak either. I had to sit there watching Phil being beaten. I buried my head into my knees; the only sound in the room was Phil's yelps and Jonathan's cruel words.

I don't know how long pasted but I never stop hearing the death wishes coming from Phil's mouth. I couldn't bare hear him yelp things like that. I was dry of tears now; I didn't want to be here no more. Jonathan finally stopped and walked into another room. I don't know where he was going. I looked up at Steven and he leased on my arms a bit letting me shuffle quickly over to Phil. I nudged his arm with my head as my hands were still tied. He looked up at me with red puffy eyes and nothing but black holes in his post-vibrant blue eyes. Tears started to roll down his cheeks again; I decided it was best if we didn't speak. Jonathan may have heard us. I looked into the pits of his eyes, he returned the look. I think we both understood what was going to end up happening; we just didn't want to admit it. The door smashed against the wall and my glaze from Phil broke.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? GET BACK YOU SHITHEAD!" Jonathan yelled, he had something in his hand now. I gulped and shuffled back to where I was meant to be. I kept my eyes on the object in his hand, was he going to use it? On who? If he did use it, there was going to be blood tonight. Maybe me and Phil can find our peace in heaven? I was going to do anything to help save my Phil. I didn't want him to die. I shall die for him.

"Jonathan. Calm down." Steven said calmly from above me. Did it work? No. I saw Jonathan's eyes fill with even more rage and power as if that was even possible. The sweat on his forehead increasing, red flushed face and a tightening grip on the object in his hands.

"NO!" he shouted, he aimed the gun in his hand at the roof and shot a bullet, making me jump "I will not let the queer near Philip. Now Daniel. Have some explaining about your daddy to lover boy?" he said with the grin which flew fiendishly over at me, still had the object in his hand. I couldn't tell Phil. I couldn't tell him about the darkness of my sinned past. I couldn't tell him about my poisoned words. He wouldn't ever love me again. It was my entire fault he was stuck in this place. My entire fault. I let fresh tears pour from my eyes, I gave up.

"N-no" I spoke, it was barely audible. My voice was close to cracking from the tears I have already shred. He held the object with more force now, I couldn't anger him. He could do… something. He could kill anyone he wanted to.

"What was that, boy? Hmm, that word is all you can speak isn't it? That's what killed daddy, isn't it?" he smirked. He had brought up my poisoned word. My worst word, why did I say no. no always brings bad. I can't take this, just let me kiss Phil and die. Let me die right now, I can't take it any more. I whimpered in reply.

"W-what's he on about D-Dan?" Phil abruptly spoke up, still shaken but he spoke. I looked at him right in the eyes. Do I tell him that Jonathan killed my farther? Wait, I killed him with my words. I couldn't say that.

I spoke in a very quiet tone, hoping I couldn't be heard "J-Jonathan killed my dad. I said n-no to him. H-he shot m-m-my d-d-dad" a wash of fresh and warm tears trickled down my cheeks, even just thinking of it brought back to much. I heard Jonathan's crackle and Phil's small whimper. Silence filled the room.

"Dan." Steven spoke hushed with a slight crack in his voice "I'll untie you. Me and T-Toby have a plan" Toby? Where is he? He's the cause of all this! I carried on listening hoping he would continue. He did "just act like you escaped. Attack me, Jonathan will come over. Toby has a gun, he can… can kill Jonathan. Before he kills anyone" his voice was now fully broken. My eyes widened, Toby killing Jonathan? Was that even possible? Were they really going to help me and Phil? Jonathan was loading his hand-gun with bullets right now. "Stay still until I nudge your back, ok? It's important you don't do anything but the plan Dan" he spoke again. I nodded slightly, just watching the gun in Jonathan's hand.

"That's true. Daniel here is a bad, bad boy. I think we need to do something about this, don't you Philip?" Jonathan spoke after a while. And his gun now fully loaded with fresh bullets, one bullet from that could kill.

I looked up and saw Phil's eyes locked at me. Jonathan had the gun pointed at me. I was sure to be dead soon. But to my surprise he walked over to Phil and untied him. I tilted my head in confusion. What was he doing? He dropped the gun on Phil's lap and yanked Phil up by the collar.

"Kill him" is all Jonathan said. I froze. I was going to be killed by the one I love the most. The one I desire. I saw the panic rise in Phil's eyes the deep blue slowly returning to reality. He shook his head at he held the gun loosely in one hand trying to back away but he couldn't as the wall was there. Jonathan pulled him back to where he was. Held his arms up ready to shoot, letting go making Phil hold his arms there. I gulped. All was silent. Until a door opened. And I got a nudge in the back, I ignored this nudge. I was frozen. Toby had entered the room, a few bruises littered his face, he walked up behind Phil and grasped his hands over Phil's face and mouth, making him drop Jonathan's gun.

Jonathan quickly picked it up and went to the middle of the room. A few meters between everyone. What was going on? I felt ropes loosen on my hands; I tried to scream and shout for Phil. But my throat was dry. I watched the gun rise up to Phil.

"Bad idea to drop the gun Philip." Jonathan smirked "You know what I said. No mistakes. I can kill anyone I want." It clicked he was going to shoot Phil.

I shook the remains of the ropes off my hands and tried standing, Steven pushed me back down. And hissed into my ear "Stop Dan! Not the plan! Toby betrayed the plan, it won't work!" I stood up, busting out of his grasp, before he could grab me again. A million thoughts ran through my head. _I need to do it, now. There's no time, you have a split second. Save Phil. he deserves life more than you. Jump now Dan. Go, go quick. Before he shoots._

I ran in between the gun and Phil. As I ran Jonathan shot. Perfect timing. It hit me. The last thing I heard was Phil's cry of a loud "NO!"

_I felt a thud hitting the ground, the world was all blurred, I hadn't blackout. I couldn't move. My eyes kept fluttering shut but then opened again._

_I had taken a bullet for my lover. I took my life for him to be spared._

**Chris P.O.V**

PJ and I were hidden in the brush outside the building. It was all quiet, maybe Dan had saved Phil? No. that guy said 'Jonathan' will kill? I was so worried right now, I tightened my grip on PJ's hand, and he knew how worried I was in one look.

"It's ok Chris. They'll be ok" there was a slight crack in his voice. He was scared as well. The silence was almost deadly hanging in the air after that. The only sound was the rustle of branches of the surrounding trees and brushes.

What were we even doing here? We were going to go in but we wimpled out. What if he really did have a gun? We were going to be here, wimps, not rushing to save our best friends for a _killer._

"PJ? Why can't we go in?" I ask quietly. It was a stupid question; I knew why we couldn't go in. too scared.

"There could be guns. We could cause even more danger to them Chris. Please try and understand that. I want to go in and just save them both, drag them away from here. Make them stop what they're doing" he paused a minute. "God damn I wish I could go in and shoot the bastard myself. Make him die instead of them" that's when we heard it.

It was like a crack of thunder rolling through the empty streets of Manchester, but it was over in the next few seconds. A gun shot. I started to panic, it had come from inside the house and I knew it wasn't good. Someone got shot, who was it?

"P-P-PJ!" I shouted standing up from the brush and started to run towards the door but PJ pulled me back and pinned me down.

"No! Chris you can't go in there! You'll get killed. I can't loose you! Please just stay here!" he had tears pouring down his cheeks. I didn't know he was _that_ scared. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him tightly into my chest as we sat up – him on my lap. I hugged him tighter than ever before, he needed it more than me. He had known Dan for longer. What if that gun shot was Dan or Phil getting shot?

Another gun shot went off. He jumped in my arms. That could be them both. Oh god. They have both been shot. I thought it was going to be ok, but it wasn't. I kept telling this to myself, just for PJ's sake.

_We will be ok. Nothing is going to happen. I told myself._

**Phil's P.O.V**

"J-Jonathan killed my dad. I said n-no to him. H-he shot m-m-my d-d-dad" when these words escaped, barely audible, from Dan's mouth my heart broke. I felt empty. My dad was a murder? He killed my lovers' dad? How did Dan's dad even know Jonathan, they live in London? I looked up at Dan's face it was rosy from the tears what were rolling ten by ten down his cheeks. He looked so broken, I left him for now 9 months I hadn't even thought about his farther, he never brought him up when I was with him, he needed me more than I needed him. I had no idea. I let out a whimper as Jonathan pointed the gun at Dan.

"That's true. Daniel here is a bad, bad boy. I think we need to do something about this, don't you Philip?" I froze. No he cant shoot him. I won't let him! But then Jonathan turned and looked at me. He approached me and threw the gun at me. Was this some sort of joke? Why did I have the gun? Oh god no.

"Kill him" my eyes widened. I froze on the spot before wrapping my shaking fingers around the grip of the gun. This thing could kill in one bullet. I was going to be made to kill me love, my one and only light in the dark, the boy who made my life worth living. I was going to be made to kill him.

I stood there with a gun in my trembling hands; I watched Dan's eyes when Jonathan told me to kill him. I couldn't ever do that, I shook my head frantically. I started to loosen my grip on the death-machine. I didn't want to shoot my love. Dan shouldn't die. I should. I backed up slowly against a wall, hoping to escape. Jonathan came over to me and pulled me back to the middle of the room. I didn't want this, I struggled in his arms but giving up as soon as he held my arms ready to shoot. I was shaking when he released I didn't want this. Make this bad dream stop. Make it all be a dream. Make sure Dan is asleep at home in London not here.

I saw Toby enter the room, I hoped in my head he would save me from this situation. I saw Jonathan nudge Dan In the back, a bit harshly. Toby walked over to me, I was now full on shaking – so close to a panic attack, I had to stay strong, don't show weakness, he'll pickup on it.

Toby was now behind me, I couldn't see what he was doing. But then two hands clasped around my mouth and face I dropped the gun instantly, I struggled under his touch trying to get away, I didn't want him to touch me. I wanted to run grab Dan and get out of here. Let me be! I thought. I couldn't speak I slowly felt my body relax as I gave up on getting free.

Jonathan bent down and picked up the gun I had just dropped. I watched him with my eyes as he stood back up and glared at me and Dan.

"Bad idea to drop the gun Philip." Jonathan smirked "You know what I said. No mistakes. I can kill anyone I want" I started to panic again, but without movement, I knew that wasn't going to get me anywhere. I just stare at the floor and then back up at Dan. his face filled with confusion and then panic. I watch him. He's trying to stand up but Steven keeps pushing him back down and whispering things to him. I looked back at Jonathan he had cocked the gun ready to shoot me.

Then I saw Dan. he was running across the room, Jonathan put the gun to his eye aiming, Dan jumped in front of me. I scream and cried at him "DAN! NO!" I watched his now limp body hit the wooden floor panels.

He had taken a bullet for me. Does that show how much I meant to him? I started to cry and looked up at Jonathan who also had a shocked expression on his face. Wait, did he want to kill Dan? I ran over to the limp boy and pulled the body onto my lap. _Phew. _Still breathing. The blood was getting on my jeans, I couldn't find where the bullet had hit him. I don't know what was going on. Steven stood there gob-smacked and shaking. Toby was the same. Jonathan looked like a ghost. What had happened?

_He took the bullet. It should be me dying there on the ground. Not him. Not my Dan, he has saved me too many times. I wailed and cried. Drowning his top with my tears._


	28. Chapter 28 - Goodbye My Lover

**Phil P.O.V**

_Was he still alive? Was he going to make it?_

_What if he dies? Dies in my arms? Dies because of me?_

I can't take this. I need him. I need him to survive. My eyes swollen and red from tears. I saw how his chest was hitching. I was starting to panic. I had only just got Dan back, well not technically, but I wasn't going to loose him again. _I can't loose him._ I barely survived the first time loosing him, and that wasn't even proper loosing him, this could be. He could _die_ he could actually be gone. I let a few tears slip from my eyes.

"Phil? Phil? You need to find the wound. We can save him still" Steven said softly from behind me. Steven was the only one talking Toby and Jonathan were stood rock solid like statues. Not even blinking their eyes, prising their eyes from the bleeding boy in front of them.

"I- I-" I couldn't get my words from my mouth. I quickly decided Steven was right, _we can at least try._ I swiftly removed the now blood-red and soaked t-shirt only to reveal the most gruesome of sights. He had clearly been shot in the stomach, when I took his top off he made a slight grunt noise. He was still conscious. He kept fluttering his eyes; I couldn't get a word out through. I was in shock.

"Put pressure on it Phil. It will stop the bleeding a bit while I call for help" with that Steven exited the room and went to call 999.

I ravelled the blood soaked t-shirt in my hands, it didn't feel good but I'll do anything to save him, and pressed it against the gaping wound. It's still oozing with the red liquid. I pressed harder, trying to keep it mostly in. _Don't give up Dan, don't give up._ I began to get worried, what if he doesn't make it? What would I do? Who would I go to? I wont have the will to survive anymore, I only stayed in this life because of Dan. he was my sun in the darkness.

"P-Phil" he murmured. He just spoke, well it was very weak but it was still a work. And it was my name; he knew I was there still. I sighed in relief.

"I-it's all ok Dan. we'll save you, we'll get you to a doctor. Don't give up please Dan, please I need you I only just got you back and I don't want you to leave me again, please, I love you, stay with us now dear" I rushed out hoping he got it, he simply nodded in return, weakly, but it was a nod.

"I called them. They're on their way. I hope they come soon" Steven said as he rushed back into the room. Everything in my eyes was in slow-motion though; I could be minutes away from loosing the love of my life yet I wasn't running around going mad. I just needed to hold him, maybe it was going to be the last time I could.

"W-who? WHO DID YOU CALL!?" Jonathan yelled. I thought he wasn't even listening to what was happening.

"The ambulance and the police. They're getting here in the next 5 minutes" Steven said calmly. He was now knelt down next to me and the, now, heaving body of Dan. I saw how his breathing changed. Its getting difficult for him, I can see the way that his chest is sharply going up and down. I cant see him like this, a stray tear ran down my cheek and splashed onto his chest. I applied the pressure more now.

I looked up and the last I saw was Toby and Jonathan, in sync, running for the door. They were running away from this? Running away from the police? But why was Toby running, he didn't do anything, was it the guilt? Was it the shock? Was it Jonathan? I shook my head and let more tears come from my eyes. The police will get them. They will go into jail. They will be locked away for murder. Murder, it's a cruel word I hate using it.

"Dan?! Dan!" I looked down and saw how Dan's eyes were fluttering shut, no no no. I thought to myself, he cant be dying he cant. "Dan! Open your eyes please! The doctors will be here soon, they can save you Dan, please, oh god please!" I hardly took a breath until I stopped talking.

"P-Phil- I-" he cut himself off with a groan. He really was struggling. I gave the t-shirt to Steven he got it and applied the pressure. I crawled around and sat by Dan's head. I pulled his body onto my lap so his head was on my stomach. I stroked my fingers through his brown, smooth hair. I placed a soft kiss on the top of his hair. Helping through this, I hope.

_I let tears slip freely from my eyes. Where are the doctors?!_

**Chris P.O.V**

PJ and I were still in the brush, he was still curled up on me, and I heard a noise. Like a door and then footsteps. I quickly shot up forgetting PJ was on my lap. I looked around through the top of the brush and saw 2 figures 1 slightly smaller and thinner limping behind and then one broad and tall sprinting for it. Was it the people who had the guns?

"PJ! WE NEED TO CHASE THEM, THEY'RE THE ONES WHO HAD THE GUNS THEY CAME FROM IN THE BULIDING!" I screamed and PJ shot up, quicker than ever before, I grabbed his hand and then sprinted after the two figures. They kept getting further and further away. I saw a police car and ambulance go by, they must have been going to that building, I looked at the two figures going further and further away, we couldn't catch up with them now, they were too far away. I'm sure the police will get them later.

"PJ! We need to go back to the building, what if they both got shot! Quick, we aren't going to catch them up now they're too far in front. QUICK!" I shouted at PJ and we both ran as if life depended on it, well it did in this case; we arrived back at the building. We got there and the police and ambulance weren't even there yet, they may have had to gone a different way – me and Chris did cut across quite a lot of fields when we were running.

I push in the door screaming for Phil and Dan. please answer please. "DAN?! Phil!?" I called, and PJ echoed my voice, I heard whimpers coming from one of the rooms and I glanced at PJ and we linked hands and ran in that directions till calling for the two boys who needed to live.

"I- In here!" I heard Phil's voice. I ran in the direction and was presented with the worst sight of all. Dan's body on the floor in a puddle of blood a gun the other side of the room and Phil stroking Dan's hair while a strange man pressured the wound. What happened? Who was that man?

"Oh my god" is all what came from my mouth as I rushed towards the weeping Phil and the bloody Dan. was he alive still? Was he going to make it?

**Dan P.O.V**

It started to get even fuzzier as everything was spinning, I knew some more people had come in but their voices were muffled and I couldn't see them very well. I knew I had Phil cradling me. I let him, I didn't want to leave him, but I felt like it was my time to be gone, what if I die here tonight? At least I got to see my baby Phil for another time. I just needed his lips on mine, just one last time until the never ending darkness took me. I needed Phil right now. Maybe if I get all my strength together for my last few minutes I will be able to tell Phil something I've always wanted to say. And maybe recite a few lyrics from _our _song.

I took a deep breath in, making my ribs hurt and something pressing against my stomach. It was all fading fast, I had to tell Phil. I had to.

**Phil P.O.V**

I saw Chris and PJ enter the room in a rush, when did they get here? Why were they here? I started to cry again, I had my lover on my lap who was slowly bleeding to death. I buried my head into his shoulder, I couldn't let him go yet. He was my one and only love, fate had brought me to him. He was the one who was going to bunk the hole in my hour glass heart, but now he was dying.

Maybe my heart wasn't meant to be happy, maybe it was always meant to be shattered and broken, loosing hope in everything again and again. I looked up at PJ and Chris, I couldn't bare see the look on Chris' face he looked broken.

"Oh my god" escaped his mouth finally and then him and PJ rushed beside me wrapping their arms around me and Dan, trying to make sure nothing could hurt us anymore. But everything was going to hurt us, nothing was going to be fixed when Dan is gone. I heard him groan slightly and open his eyes fully. The deep brown stared right into my blue eyes, I saw him start to cry. I started to cry as well. And then something shocked me.

"AMBULANCE!" they shouted. I cried. I can't let him die. Maybe they can save him.

He started to say lyrics from _our _song and then his eyes closed. Was he dead? Was he unconscious? What was going on? Everything went into slow motion. His voice was weak, but I could hear him.

"_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one, you have been the one for me. I- I love y-y-you P-Phil"_


	29. Chapter 29 - He's Not Got Long

**Phil P.O.V**

It was all going in slow motion still. I saw the ambulance men and women rush through the door and coming around me and Dan. _Was he dead?_ They started to tear me away from him, I couldn't let him go, it might be the last time I can hold him. One of the paramedics held my arms away while they placed the motionless body onto a board before lifting and carrying out, they were running but to me it was like they were just walking, slow motion, my eyes kept un-focusing and then refocusing.

I started to scream for Dan. I screamed not his name but endless cries and whimpers, until my throat went dry. I needed him; I can't be with out him. If I was meant to be happy maybe god will save him? But I don't think I was. I think I was meant to live a life of horror and depression. For sure I was.

"Sweetie? Calm down, we will get him to the hospital" the woman said from above me, I looked up at her with watery eyes, fresh from tears, and just stared not finding my voice to reply.

_What if you don't? What if he dies? _I wanted to ask them these questions but I couldn't. It was as if my voice had been torn out of my weakened body and thrown helplessly away with the hope of seeing my Dan again. Nothing was right now, nothing was ever going to be alright until I saw them big and beautiful brown eyes locked with mine and the plump rosy lips against mine.

"Phil? Phil. Calm down please, Dan needs you to stay strong. _Just _like he did when you were away and when you were in the coma when you guys met. Please Phil, Dan needs you now." PJ said calmly from my side, he was stroking my back gently trying to calm me down.

I just he was right, Dan did need me. Just like I needed him all them months ago and for the last few ones… basically the whole time I've known Dan – I'm always the one who _needs_ Dan. This time it's Dan in trouble. He needs _me_ this time. I will be strong for him. I gave a slight nod to show I understood what PJ had said and then they all helped me up from my fragile state, I saw I had blood all over my jeans and shirt, but I didn't care. It showed I tried to help and I couldn't care because I had nothing I could really change into.

I winced slightly as I stood, my whole body still aching from previous beatings. I hope these stop now, I hope I never have to see Jonathan again. I don't want to have to remember any of what happened - I really don't. I walk behind the ambulance woman with PJ and Chris' arms slung loosely around each of my shoulders, making me in the middle. At least they showed up, I wouldn't be able to even move if they hadn't come, I would be hopeless.

I saw Dan being hauled into the back of the ambulance, more tears threatened to spill from my now dried out eyes but I gulped and held them back. _Keep strong for Dan._ I repeated in my mind, I really want to be there for Dan. I really, really do.

"C-Can I c-come in t-the ambulance?" I stuttered out. It had been awhile since I had talked properly to other people – besides Jonathan, Toby and Steven.

"Of course, quick we need to get him there – really quickly" she said calmly I shot a look at PJ and Chris on my sides and they let go.

"You go Phil. Dan _needs _you there" Chris said with a weak smile I hugged them both tightly, letting a few tears slip, and then ran back into the ambulance and sitting by Dan's side.

There was now machines and wires attached all over his body, he hasn't stopped breathing – _yet – _he is '_just unconscious'_ the ambulance woman said. I watched his chest, praying the weak boy can keep the steady pattern of ups and downs going – just until he can get more medical help. The ambulance woman managed to get basic details from me but that's all, I couldn't keep my eye off Dan for too long.

**Chris P.O.V**

Me and PJ watched the ambulance drive down the road, we instantly turned to each other; I think we both had the same idea of what to do.

"Police" PJ said. We ran back inside to find the nearest police officer, we had to tell him about the two figures we saw running away. I'm sure one of them was holding a gun of some sort.

"Excuse me? We have information about… t-the shoot-ter" I managed to stumble out when we approached the police officer.

"Yes? Ok, tell please" he said, crossing his arms, he looked at me and then PJ. I gulped before answering, I hope this will help them. I need justice for Dan and Phil.

"Err- well we saw them running out of the building w-when the gun shots went off. W-we tried t-to chase them but t-they were too f-fast" I said, looking down at the floor.

"Thank you. Do you know which direction they went in or what they looked like? Hm?" he asked.

"T-there was a tall and broad one and a-a smaller t-thinner one. They w-went t-towards this building s-site t-thing, we're not from here so we d-don't know the r-road names" I said again. I looked over at PJ and he smiled a bit, I smiled back. Maybe we were helping maybe we were completely useless.

**Phil P.O.V**

We arrived. I shot up as soon as the two back doors opened and helped the nurses and doctors move people out of the way so Dan's bed could get through. I never left his side. We got into the hospital - finally. Now he may have a chance at surviving and then living happily. I shuddered; I can't think _too_ positive. The doctors wheeled him through crowds of waiting outpatients, people kept giving me and him weird looks – it was my fault all of this happened. I sighed.

"Excuse me? We need to take Daniel into surgery now." One of the doctors said calmly from behind me. I was still by Dan's bed, outside the surgery rooms. I looked at the two doors that he would be going into. A trail was left by tears that I had already shred – more were now trickling down the same path. I looked at the nurse and nodded. Anything for Dan.

"Ok. C-Can I wait h-here?" I asked shakily.

"No sorry. Please wait in the waiting room, someone will get you when you can visit Daniel" she said and then my grip around Dan's bed loosened and they rolled him into the room, green light turning to red. He was now in surgery and I have no idea what to do. I need my little '_friend' _right about now. I walked head down, into the waiting room which was full of people running around and some sitting. I took a seat in the corner; I wanted to be alone right now.

It felt like forever since Dan went into that room. I looked at the clock, it was now 1am he's been in there 3 and a half hours. Not too long but it really does feel like forever when you're missing someone. I looked around, most people had gone by now but some were still here. No one has come to talk about Dan yet, no one at all. Spoke to soon.

"Phil Lester?" Someone called from the other side of the corridor, I stood up wincing slightly – I'm still sore.

"Here" I said raising a hand. She nodded and summoned me to follow her with her hand. I did as she told me to. She led me to a room, I looked around and saw wires after wires attached to the boy in the bed. Dan. I held my self back from running over to the bed – I had to let the nurse explain.

"So, his surgery went ok Phil. But we had to keep him in a coma to make sure that he recovers from the shot as it could cause damage." I froze. Coma? Isn't that what I was in after my … incident? How long is he going to be out for?

_*2 months later*_

He's still out of it. I've not left his side yet, maybe now I know how he felt when I was out for all those months. It's been 2 months since I last saw his beautiful brown eyes. PJ and Chris went back home after a week because they had no other reason to stay here.

I was sat by Dan's bed, as always, watching the slow breathing pattern he was only creating, nothing else was happening; only the beeping of the machines and the slow breaths of my boyfriend. Nothing more, nothing less. I couldn't believe this was all my fault, if I wasn't such a wimp I could have shot myself at least then Dan wouldn't be in this hospital bed.

_Please wake soon Dan._ I don't know how long it has been since I had a good nights sleep, most of them are haunted with my old nightmares and flashbacks. New ones from when Jonathan had captured me are now flooding my mind as well as the ones from before. How long can I survive like this? _Will I be able to survive much longer?_

**Jonathan P.O.V**

They were getting closer to me, I kept my feet going; _don't let them catch you. _Toby was by my side running also. I don't feel any guilt for shooting that bastard, he deserved it. He could have let me shoot the queer and then lived a good life with me, doing _my job._

"HOLD UP! STAY STILL!" a police officer shouted from behind me I couldn't tell how far behind us they were now but I knew they were close. I pushed Toby into a near by brush. After all, he was only a kid he didn't deserve this. I do have a soft side for Toby, since he did trick Steven for me. Maybe he didn't mean to, maybe he did. I kept running, I knew they were only after me. They wouldn't do anything to Toby he was only a helper, not the one who shot.

"JONATHAN?" Toby shouted from behind me, I looked back still running he was out of the brush. I glanced at him and shot him a look hoping he would understand. He nodded and hid in the brush.

I carried on running for around 10 minutes and then I tripped and they caught me. Great, another time in prison.

"You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you say may be given in evidence" the police officer above me said when they pinned me down cuffing my hands.

_I will get out somehow, I've done it before. Second time is always easier._

**Phil P.O.V**

The nurse walked into the room along with some doctors. I looked up at them and tilted my head slightly, they hardly came in.

"Hello Phil" the nurse said, she was a regular nurse on the ward Dan was on. Her name was Quinn.

"Hi. Why is t-the doctor here?" I asked having a slight squeak in my voice. I had been crying 10 minutes earlier.

"Phil, we have… err… bad news." The doctor started. What was going on?

"W-what is it?" I asked, fresh tears were trying to come through. What if they have to cut of his life support?

"Phil… he's in a critical state. He may not have long Phil. Saviour the moments you've had with him, they may be the last" my heart skipped a beat – not in a good way – I was breaking. The hourglass heart inside me was cracked now. I knew I wasn't getting my saviour back. I just knew it by their tone. I didn't have many moments to saviour, only our kisses and cuddles, what if he goes? The words repeated in my head like a loop.

_He may not have long, saviour the moments._


	30. Chapter 30 - Flat Line

_*Week later*_

**Phil P.O.V**

Still no sign of Dan ever waking up to see the light again. It's been another heart-wrenching week sat here by his bed. His still motionless body not doing anything but a gentle breathing pattern. I can't take being in this room any more, I need a quick break. Nothing bad can happen in 5 minutes, nothing has happened… at all, for around 2 months/ 5 minutes won't hurt.

I lean over and place a delicate kiss on his forehead and whisper a 'goodbye, love' before heading for the rooms door. I look back at him, he looks so broken. All my fault. I start to get a headache so I carry on walking out of the ward and into the main corridor of the hospital, I wish I could do something, something that will make him wake up. I guess he had to com with this when I was in a coma, but that was different, he didn't really know me then and I wasn't his boyfriend then. But I am now, or am I? I sigh and carry on walking towards the hospitals café area with my hands stuffed in my pockets.

I get there and order a coffee. I take it in my hands and start to walk back to the ward. When I run into something and spill my coffee all over the thing. I look up, none other than, Toby. I still don't trust him, after all he was one of the main reasons that Dan got shot. My eyes met his dull blue ones, what was he doing here?

"Uh, sorry I-" he cut himself off from his sentence when he looked up and saw me standing there, wide eyed and glaring at him. "Oh P-Phil. W-What are you d-doing here?" he asked. As if he didn't know what I was doing here. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him.

"Could ask you the same question" I replied. It sounds odd coming from me but I couldn't help the bottled up anger I had inside – not just from him – but from everything that's happened in the last 9 months and for a result the love of my life is laying in a hospital bed, in a coma, dying. I scuff at him and try to turn around but he grabs my arm and makes me turn back to him.

"I- I was coming to check if D-Dan was ok. S-Someone said he was h-here" I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe him, he was the reason for all of this and he wanted to see if Dan was here? Why would he even want to show his face? He ran off with Jonathan when the shooting happened 2 months back, and he's only visiting now? Something isn't right.

"Oh really? Why didn't you come 2 months ago when Dan was brought in?" I asked coldly. Not wanting to tell him anything – just yet.

"I- I couldn't. I- I was in hiding. J-Jonathan forced me t-to" he quivered as he said his name. I sighed, maybe he didn't mean it. But maybe he did, maybe he was planning something. Could I trust what he is telling me?

"Oh." I replied not really wanting to hold this conversation, I need to get back to Dan. I only wanted to be gone 5 minutes and now it's been a good 10. Don't worry Phil, nothing bad is going to happen. Dan is fine.

"He did! I wouldn't lie to you Phil please believe me! I wanted to help you so much, I was the one who told Steven to untie Dan so I could shoot Jonathan, but Jonathan h-he made sure I could do anything! He made me hold you back. I really didn't want to, who would want to kill their step brother!" he exclaimed "oh crap, y-you didn't h-hear that!" He said quickly turning and running away. Wait did he say stepbrother? Was he really my stepbrother? It explains why Jonathan knew him, why didn't I know is? Well I did loose my memory did I know him though? I looked up and started to run after Toby, I needed answers.

"Toby! Wait up what do you mean?!" I called after him he stopped and turned around, he had tears in his eyes I could yell he didn't want me to know about his just yet. But I needed to know, why didn't he tell me?

"I'm sorry Phil. I- I didn't mean t-to tell you like this, I- I wasn't meant to tell you, Jonathan wanted me to keep it a secret, I- I'm sorry." He said in a bit of a rushed pace, I couldn't help but to feel sorry for him, Jonathan was using him the same way that he was using me. I sighed and looked at the floor, what shall I do about this. Can I trust him again? Or can't I? Is it all a set up so that he can laugh in my face when he finds Jonathan again? I looked into his eyes, they were similar to mine, I looked deeply trying to find a sign that he was lying, but I couldn't find one.

"It's ok Toby. B-but how are you my stepbrother? Like is Jonathan your dad or something?" I asked. I wanted to know because then I will understand a lot more on why everything is happening, but I'm still not sure if I can trust Toby, he did rush off after Dan was shot.

"Yes he is. Phil can I tell you something?" Toby asked me in a quivering voice. I nodded and waited for him to continue. "Well, it's about why Jonathan is making me do all this, I don't want to do these things but I'm being made to. H-he has m-my mother, he's using her as a thing to make me and my s-sister work for him. T-that's one reason why he took y-you. He used to have Dan and his dad as workers, h-he needed Dan back and you were the way he could get Dan to surrender and w-work for him, I- I was made to find you b-but when Jonathan realised you k-knew a Howell, h-he made the 'plan'. I'm sorry! I didn't want to do it, I'm so sorry, he wants Dan as a worker and you were the bait. He wasn't going to let you out or anything. I-I-" I stood back in shock. Was this really true?

I swear Dan said no when Jonathan asked him all those years ago that's what he said when he came to rescue me. Do Toby is my stepbrother and I also have a stepsister who I have no idea who she is? This is getting confusing, I was bait so Dan would say yes but if he said no, I- I would be dead. Now I'm kind of glad all what happened had happened because we both got out alive - kind of - but Dan still might die. Oh snap, Dan. It's been another 5 minutes now but I need to make things right with Toby or Jonathan could get us, why is this getting so confusing?

"O-oh" I mumbled after an awkward silence of me thinking and Toby kicking around the floor "I really didn't know, and w-who's your sister? Where is she? Where's your mum?" I didn't mean for all the questions to come out at once but they did, they kept rolling off my tongue without my brain processing what I was doing.

"She's m-my twin, when Jonathan got my mum pregnant she g-got twins. Me and my sister got separated when Jonathan took mother, she was made to work in his trade lines, I'm not sure what the work is I've never been, I was made to be his spy, someone who would capture people for him l-like I did to you. For my mothers' freedom, we have been doing this for years, but I don't know where he has my mother or what really is going on. Oh god, Phil! What if he killed my mum and sister! Oh no, please say he hasn't!" He shouted almost at the end, I stood back in shock, I never realised Jonathan was this bad. I started to get a head ache while Toby was talking; everything started to go a bit fuzzy, too much information. Too many memories coming back. I collapsed.

_*Flashback*_

We were stood in the back garden, me, Toby, Steven and a blonde girl around mine and Toby's age. We looked around 12; Steven looked around his late teens. Jonathan was sat on the house deck with, mum. This must have been before I was 12 though as mum went when I was 12 I still don't know where she went.

We were all happily playing around in the garden when someone came through the gate, Jonathan had stood up and he was going over to the woman. Who was she? I was watching from a birds eye view, me and Toby were playing tag while Steven helped the little girl build in the sandpit. Is that little girl Toby's twin? I really don't know.

Jonathan was now shouting, I can't hear anything though, the woman looked mad. Was that Toby's mother? I carried on watching the scene in front of me unravel. The woman slapped Jonathan and started to drag Toby and the girl away, I started to chase after them but Jonathan stopped me and scolded something at me and then gave me a quick slap.

Steven moved from the sandpit and dropped something into my hand and ran after the three of them. This was when I got my bracelet… Toby and his sister everything, it was all coming back to me. Something bad must have happened that day, everything after that was abuse, hurt, and loneliness.

_*Reality*_

I woke from my flashback and I was in a hospital bed, huh? I tried to get up but I couldn't Toby was by the side of me.

"Oh thank god. I thought you weren't going to wake up" he sighed, I looked at him. It was definitely him in the dream, which got dragged away from our back garden.

"T-Toby. I- I remember y-you" I said weakly still feeling a bit drowsy, from collapsing I guess.

"R-Really? You remember the day Steven came f-for us?" He said, he sounded a bit quaky – nervous almost. Wait he said 'came for us'? What does he mean? Steven never came back.

"H-Huh? Steven never came b-back home though T-Toby" I said with a confused look on my face.

"I k-know, he k-kept us a-away f-from d-danger. But t-then Jonathan got us b-back and t-took mother" I could tell from his voice he was close to tears. So Steven picked them over me for safety? Does he really care for me? Or does he only care about Toby and his sister? I tried sitting up again, I managed this time with a bit of help from Toby.

"H-he picked you and y-your sister o-over me?" I said, keeping back the lump forming in my throat. I didn't want to believe this; I really didn't my own brother. Choosing his half brother over his full.

"I- I'm sorry" he said. I then remembered why I was in the hospital. Dan. I quickly tried to get up and run back to Dan's room. I looked at the clock on the wall; I've been out a whole hour. What if Dan woke up? What if something bad happened?

**Dan P.O.V**

_It was all dark. No light coming in anywhere. I saw a door creaking open at one end with red light behind it, making the dark room illuminate with the devilish colour. I turned around and saw another door this time with white light. Half the room white, half of it red. I was stood right in the middle of the room, my body in half by the colours. I looked either way again and again, what was going on? Where am I?_

_I started to walk towards the white side; it made sense – white good, red bad. As I got closer the door started to turn red, I looked behind me that one was turning white. What was going on? I ran to the other side but it kept happening. When ever I got closer to a door they turned red. What was this saying? _

_I decided to give up. No I can't give up, I need to keep going until I can see Phil again. I thought about Phil, his eyes, his hair, how he needs me right now. I spun around to try the other door and saw the piecing blue eyes and the dark hair. Phil. I shouted for him but no words came from my mouth, he opened the door by him. But he wasn't smiling inviting me to him, he had the glare of a devil and the door was burning red, I looked further in side when I got closer, there were flames at the bottom._

"_Goodbye Daniel" he spoke. That's the last thing I heard, I was pushing down to the pit at the bottom. However I never felt the ground, it was like a never ending tunnel. I looked up and saw the eyes of my love slowly getting further away, the smirk on his face, the fire reflected in his eyes. He shut the door and I hit the flames in darkness. _

_It all stopped, no feeling, nothing._

**Phil P.O.V**

I walked back into Dan's room to a surprise. Doctors everywhere, I couldn't see Dan, doctors were all around him, voices everywhere. They shouted clear and parted away only one doctor left, zapping Dan with two metal plates. I froze, what was going on? I looked at the machines all around my beautiful boyfriend; they were all going haywire, beeping and all. I looked at the heart monitor.

_A flat line. Nothing else, just a flat line. No heart beat._


	31. Chapter 31 - Dan's Guardian Angel

**Phil P.O.V**

_A flat line. Nothing else, just a flat line. No heart beat._

I stood in shock, what was going on? Why weren't they shocking him! Then I heard someone shouting '3…2…1…Clear' and they shocked Dan's lifeless body, with the metal pads, it jolted his motionless body, was he alive? Did he make it? I watched with beaming eyes, but as soon as one of the nurses saw me she walked over and wrapped her arm around my shoulder gently, I slapped it away and ran from the room. Tears were now flooding from my eyes and I barely could see where I was going but I most certainly couldn't watch my love die.

"Phil!" I heard being called from behind me, I turned around and saw none other than Toby running up to me, I looked a right mess, with red puffy eye from all the tears that had fallen in the last minute, messy hair from pacing and a trembling figure.

"What's happened, Phi?!" he said as he ran up to me and wrapped his arms around me, I didn't refuse, I needed someone to hug right now. Too much worry and pain.

"D-Dan's h-h-hearts s-s-stopped" I weakly stuttered out, taking a deep breath then carrying on "T-they're t-t-trying to s-save h-him" I buried my head into my stepbrothers shoulder and wet his shirt with my tears. Why can't Dan just wake up?

"Oh my god" Toby breathed as he tightened his grip around me, it was comforting to know he cared "I- I- I don't know what to say Phil, I'm so sorry" he said with more of a shake in his voice, I could tell he was also close to tears.

"I don't w-want him to g-g-go, Toby" I said, muffled by the fabric of Toby's t-shirt. I didn't want to look back into the room where all the doctors and nurses are frantically trying to save my love. That would be too much to cope with.

"Shh, he's not going to go. Stay positive Phil, please. I don't want you to be sad. Dan _will_ wake ok?" Toby whispered into my ear his breath tickling me.

I nodded weakly while wiggling my arms from between us and wrapping them around his torso, every piece of comfort will help. I need help. No, I don't need '_help' _I need Dan.

"Shh" Toby cooed as I was still whimpering. I hushed my self and got lost in thought. I can't loose Dan. No I really can't.

If I was to loose Dan, what would I do? Would I never move on, or would I… try again? No, don't think like that Phil, you can live a perfectly fine life without Dan. like old times. Wait, what 'old times'? There was nothing good about my past before I met Dan. nothing at all, why can't I try making a new life? Forget Dan? No, I would never be able to forget his beautiful brown eyes and adorable dimples – that now; I'm starting to think I will never see again. I let another wave of tears flow through my eyes and burying deeper into the memories of the past. Forcing every piece of good energy I had left into remembering the good memories I had with Dan, hoping some how these will keep me safe; maybe bring Dan back in to my depressed heart and mind. I felt another pair of arms wrapping around me from behind – but they weren't _normal_. They felt ghostly, and then I heard a faint whisper, what was going on? This can't be happening.

_I'm trying Phil, goodbye if this is it. I love you. Your love Dan._

**Chris P.O.V**

PJ and I were back in London now as we weren't allowed to stay up there, in Manchester, as only 1 person could stay by the bedside. Of course we let Phil stay, he needed his Dan.

"Chris?" I heard from the kitchen, I was staying at PJ's for the weekend because I knew PJ wasn't taking the news very well. I stood up and walked over to the calling voice.

"Yeah love?" I called back from the door way to the kitchen, poking my head around the doorframe.

"Do you think Dan is ok? What about Phil?" I stepped in fully to reveal a distressed looking PJ sat at the table. I sighed and walked over to him placing a hand on his shoulder gently, he wasn't taking it too well, I saw dried tear tracks running from his eyes to the bottom of his cheeks.

"Don't worry Peej; I'm sure Dan is going to wake up soon! And Phil will be right by his side ok? So please stop worrying so much, for me?" I asked rubbing small circles into his shoulder, planting a small but gentle kiss on the side of his head, smiling a tad.

"I- I guess s-so" he stuttered out shakily, I moved my hand from his shoulder to his hair and started to play with a single golden-brown curl of his, making myself smile. He was perfect, why could he be so sad and depressed? I sighed and sat in the chair next to him clasping my hands around his in the process.

"Now, stop thinking for one day. They will be _fine_. Let me make you some, hmm, pancakes!" I nearly screamed the word 'pancakes' as hopefully it will cheer him up, at least a _little._

A small grin started to twitch at his lips making me chuckle, "I see that smile Peeejjj" I cooed into his ear breathily trying to coax him into surrendering to happiness for once.

"Fine! I admit defeat, great lord Christop-" I cut him off before he could continue with my full name.

"Nope, no full names, good sir" I said laughing while standing to my feet dragging him over to the hob and getting the ingredients ready. As I reached for the flour I felt two warm arms wrapping around my waist, I smiled gently and grabbed the flour turning back around to the innocent looking PJ behind me.

"Well hello there" I said putting the flour down on the counter.

"Hello stranger" PJ replied pecking my lips once. I smiled and then turned back around to start making the pancakes.

I finished the pancakes and placed 4 on each of the 2 plates, maybe I over did it on them. But who can _ever_ have too many pancakes? I set one plate in front of me and one in front of PJ who was opposite me. I smiled at him and we started a race to see who could eat the most in the least time.

"Ready, get set, EAT YOUR PANCKES!" I screamed in a boom-box sounding voice making PJ giggle then start shoving the pancakes into his mouth. Today was going to be a good day for me and PJ.

_I wish Dan and Phil could be happy like PJ and I once again, sooner the better._

**Dan P.O.V**

_I felt darkness everywhere around me and then a sudden lightness._

I slowly opened my eyes only to reveal myself being in a place full of clouds and a golden gate. No, I can't be dead I need to get back to Phil, I thought to myself. I looked around and my eyes locked with someone who was on the other side of the gate. I tried running up the endless stairway but no luck, I called for them.

"HEY! WHERE AM I, I CAN'T DIE!" I screamed at the top of my voice hoping he or she would hear me plead. I looked right at them and then they moved from the gate. I sighed, was I ever getting out of here?

"I know a way, sir" I heard a small whisper coming from behind me on the stairs, only to reveal a small child. She looked around 5 years old.

"What? How, how can I get back to my lover?" I asked crouching down to her level, looking right into her deep brown eyes, much like my own.

"Follow the memories, they help you. Remember one thing, sir." She paused a minute and looked around like she wasn't meant to be saying anything, then started again slightly whispered "Memories are the light in the dark and only they can bring you back. Not many people know this. Memories are your key, Daniel" she pointed at a different route which was forming going off left and then she turned around and walked down the stairs, the place down there was red and had flames coming from, she was going to hell?

"Wait!" I called after the little girl; she turned around with sadness in her eyes. "Why are you going to hell? You're an innocent little girl, why not heaven?" I pointed up at the gates. She shook her head. My heart sunk a bit, why couldn't she go to heaven?

"No sir, I- I wasn't meant to tell anyone the secret of memories. I broke the 'Angel Law Book' I must take my fate and go to hell. I took my freedom for you sir, because I'm your guardian angel. Please find your lover; I was watching your life as well as his. I know you're soul mates. I have that power, sir. He needs you. Good bye Daniel, I was always here for you but now I must go." And then she descended down the stairs, into the roaring pits of hell.

She did that for me? I sighed and watched as the flames consumed her and then a high pitch scream filled the quiet area around me. My guardian angel giving herself up for me. For me and Phil. I looked down the path she opened, it was now fully formed it had doors going down each side and a few picture frames. These must be the memories. I sighed and walked towards the velvety red corridor.

'Here goes nothing' I thought to myself. I opened the first door seeing the day I was born, I don't know how this is going to help or anything but I watched as my mother cradled baby me in her arms and then a figure coming in, he was all black a silhouette not a person. It talked and I recognised the voice. Dad. Dead people turning to silhouettes in my memories? I can't forget my dad, not at all. I sighed and shut the door and carried on walking down, maybe if I find the most recent one, wait, where would I be in the most recent one? I can't remember how I died… shit. I ran to the bottom of the corridor and opened the door it was on the end part not the surrounding walls so I guessed it was my most recent, and maybe last. I peaked in and looked around, I saw Phil running out the room, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, and a motionless Dan on a hospital bed with doctors all around. I saw how my body was growing darker, does this mean I don't have much more time to get back to my body? I ran in the room and looked around, I decided to run to Phil, and maybe somehow I could do something, anything._ I hope. _

I saw him standing in the corridor and a figure running towards him I couldn't hear anything but the boy was shouting, it was Toby. I wonder if they can sense me being here.

I watched as Toby wrapped himself around _my _Phil. I couldn't feel envious though, Phil needed comfort but I was just a ghostly figure so I was no use. I watched my love cry into Toby's shoulder and chest. I was proud of Toby for helping Phil, wait, why am I dying in there? Why is Phil here? I can't remember! I tried to think back but the last thing I remember was walking into a building, it's all gone from there.

I walked back into the room I was dying in and watched as the doctors shocked my lifeless body. Tears dripped from my face, my body was fuzzy and fading fast. Was this it? Was I leaving Earth, like this? I ran back out to Phil, I had to at least attempt to say goodbye even if it's only on my half. I saw him wrapped around Toby still, it still broke my heart seeing him so beaten and hurt. I wrapped myself around him, strangely able to grip, and I whispered something to him.

_I'm trying Phil, goodbye if this is it. I love you. Your love Dan._

Then I untangled myself, it was hard to but I had to, I was fading so quickly, should I give up and go back into the door? I sighed, there's nothing I can do. I'm going to have to give up. I walked slowly back into the hospital room and looked for the door, gone? Nonono it can't be gone, I need it. I can't stay a ghost forever. No. but then I heard a beep come from the other side of the room and felt body go light. _I turned and saw a heart beat._ A heartbeat on the monitor, I looked at my ghostly arms and they were now fading and I saw colour coming back into the motionless me.

_I was coming back, I wasn't leaving my Phil._

**Phil P.O.V**

I untangled myself from Toby and looked behind me, nothing, I looked back in the room only to see a jolting body, they were still at it. I sighed, he wasn't coming back, was he? But… if I wasn't going crazy, he said to me he was trying. I looked through the window pressing my nose to the glass and looked at his monitor.

My eyes widened and the doctors spread apart, I saw a tiny rhythm picking up on the heart-monitor. A heartbeat, he was alive, he wasn't dead. H-he didn't lie, he tried to come back and he did.

I burst my way through the door and made all the doctors turn but I ignored it and ran to his bed, hoping he would also wake up. I garbed a hold of his cold hand and squeezed it, _wake up Dan I need you I really do, _I thought to myself, my eyes going frantic searching his body for any movement. Nothing. I started to give up hope again but then I saw a fluttering eye lid and a small groan. A smile grew on my face, he was back and he was alive.

"Erg- P-Phil?" I heard him grumble. I smiled and wrapped myself around the confused boy, I couldn't believe it, the worst day ever turning into the best. Then some voice in my head said something, it sounded like a little girl.

_Memories brought him back. Memories are the key in darkness, Phil. Thank me later._


	32. Chapter 32 - Falling Into Place

**Phil P.O.V**

He was awake. His eyes met mine and I swear we didn't need words at this point. The amount of care and love oozing from his chocolate brown eyes told me he was there. He really was there. I felt tears pricking at the corner of my eyes, how can one crap day turn into a day which is one of the best in my life?

"Da-an" I chocked out finally and flung my arms around the still weak frame of my boyfriend. I felt him snaking his arms around my waist and I nuzzled into the crook of his neck more, I haven't had his touch – or any _nice_ touch – in 9 months, you can't blame me. I let out a muffled sob into his hospital gown. I really can't believe this.

"I'm here Phil, I'm here" he said calmly, I could tell in his voice that he was close to tears as well. He just gripped me tighter, I winced slightly as my sides were still sensitive from the pain I inflicted on my self while Dan was out. I couldn't do it to my wrists anymore because Chris and PJ saw them, so I moved to my hips.

"Phil? You ok there love?" I heard him say, I pulled my head from him and looked at him, he was beautiful, I saw how he was looking at me. He knew something wasn't right.

"Mhm" I lied and nodded slightly. He didn't look as if he believed it.

"Phil, don't lie. Please." I looked down and it was silent for a bit until Dan spoke up again " I- I can't remember finding you Phil, what happened? Did he hurt you when I found you or-" I cut him off. He couldn't actually remember taking a bullet for me? If he hadn't I would be dead as my fragile body wouldn't be able to take a bullet as well as his. I was too beaten.

"No Dan, Jonathan – the man – he ran off w-when you took a-a bullet for m-me" I said shyly, I don't know why I was acting so shy over the matter; I found it sweet how Dan did that.

"Oh." Was all he replied for awhile and then his eyes widened as if he thought of something – you know the type – and then he spoke again "Phil! I- I remember that night! I- I was so scared, oh god, never ever let Jonathan do that again. Please, I don't want to loose you. Please! I took it for you because I had no other choice! If you died, I wouldn't survive" I heard to cracks and pain in his now broken voice. I started to tear up at what he had said. Did he really mean all of that?

"Shh, Dan. It's ok" I held his head close to my chest and petted through his soft hair. "I'm ok now, you're ok now. Jonathan won't harm us again. I don't even know where he is and he thinks you are dead and I'm back in London – most likely." I lifted his head up and looked into his tear-filled eyes and placed a soft, gentle kiss on his chapped lips. It's been so long, I can still feel the sparks I felt all them months back, I really have missed these chapped lips.

"Phil? How long have I been out for?" I looked down at my feet and gulped.

"Around a few months or something, I lost track." I bit my lip to try and stop thinking of all of the pain-filled days I had to wait here by his bed, his motionless body not twitching at all.

"I'm so sorry Phil, I didn't want to leave you so long. I can't believe I did, I'm sorry" I saw the pain behind his eyes and the way he gripped tighter. I don't really know what he was going on about at all, he had saved my life and he was sorry?

"Dan, no need to be sorry. If you didn't erm- dive in front of that bullet, I- I would've died. My body was already weak, I wouldn't have made it. But you have, and now we're ok and you can come home soon?" I raised my voice at the end to make it seem like a question for the doctors who were on the other side of the room by Dan's machines.

"Oh thank god I did then, I wouldn't be able to live without you Phil, I really wouldn't. I barely survived 9 months…" I smiled down at him and squeezed his hands. How was I so lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend like Dan?

"Shh" I cooed and ran a gentle line down his cheek where a tear was slipping out.

"Shall I call PJ and Chris? They have been worried, I think they should come up" I said once I dragged a seat over to Dan's bed and sat down, his hand still in mine. Not letting go, not again.

"Yeah, I'd like to see them. They helped me a lot when… you know… you we-" I cut him off.

"We don't need to talk about then now Dan. It's all ok now, I promise" I said gently, stroking the back of his knuckles with my thumb while fumbling around in Dan's bag for his phone "Is it ok if I use yours? Erm- J-Jonathan broke m-mine" I said looking down, that was right near the start. Seemed ages ago.

"Of course you can, love. Don't worry; we can get you a new one as soon as possible." I blushed a tad at the pet name, and grabbed his phone unlocking it only to see his background and lock screen were still the same photo of us happily asleep in each others arms on the sofa. Dan's mum took it when we had fallen asleep after one of our 'movie nights' I smiled at the _good_ memories now coming back.

"What you smiling at, silly?" Dan chuckled from the bed, I looked up and pointed at the screen without actually turning the phone, he would get it. "Oh, my lock screen" He looked down in embarrassment and I picked up our clasped hands and kissed his then set to work on finding PJ's number.

**PJ P.O.V**

Chris and I were sat watching TV, all snuggled up on the sofa bed when my phone rang, I picked it up out of my pocket while keeping an arm around Chris. I looked at the caller ID, Dan. My smile fluctuated, does this means things are ok? Or are they bad and Phil is using Dan's phone?

"One second Chris I need to answer this" I quickly detached myself from the half asleep Chris.

"Don't be long, you're warm" he replied from a rather awkward position to get up because he was sat on my lap. He shuffled off and buried his head in the pillows instantly. I giggled at the sight before remember that my phone was ringing.

"Hello?" I said warily stepping into my hallway. I heard a mumble of something before Phil's voice filling my ears.

"Hi!" he chirped. I hope this means everything is ok, he seems pretty happy – if I do say so myself.

"Not being rude or anything, but why did you call?" I asked.

"D-Dan he's a-awake!" he stuttered a bit, I guess it was hard to believe. I stood in shock for a minute, my mouth opening and closing again. He was awake? I suddenly felt a weight lift from my shoulders. This means everything is going to be ok now. That is if that man has been caught. Dan and Phil can be happy again, right?

"That's great, Phil!" I said finally, he mist have been worried as I was silent for so long "Does he want us to come up? We can get a train or something" I asked, shrugging, I'm sure Chris will be more then happy to come as well, after all Dan is our friend. Best friend.

"Please! Dan said he wants you here as well as me" I heard him giggle at the end, which made me smile. Phil was finally happy again and Dan would be as well. The Dan I've knew for the last months while Phil was missing will be no longer and we'll have our normal, happy and excitable friend back. And Phil, I cant say if he'll be totally fine but I'm sure Dan will try heal him as much as he can, they work like that. Healing each other.

"Okay! We will be on our way soon, it's getting quite late so we might not be there till the morning. Get some sleep you two and then we will see you in the morning!" I said as I hung up after I heard a small mhm, coming from Phil's side.

"Hey, Chris? Dan's awake and we're going back up to Manchester for tomorrow morning. Up, up, up!" I called to my boyfriend as I walked in the lounge and grabbed his wrists tugging him up.

"Noo, I want slee- Wait, did you say Dan is awake?" At this point Chris has sprung up and now sat up right, I nodded and he pulled himself up and grabbed his phone and ran to the door. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" he called as I walked slowly behind, chuckling at him.

"I'm coming, keep your boxers straight, boy!" I shouted as I entered the kitchen to leave a note for my mum. And walking back out to the hall where Chris was beaming. I blushed slightly when he grabbed my hand yanking me out of the house and out into the chilly autumn air.

**Dan P.O.V**

I was so happy. I had Phil by my side and everything seemed like it really was coming into place. Like it was meant to be, before Jonathan, before Toby came to school. I smiled at the boy in the chair next to me, he looked like he was about to fall asleep in his chair so I spoke up.

"Love?" I reached out, wincing a bit but carried on. "Cuddle with me?" I asked doing a small pout hoping he would climb in the small hospital bed next to me and keep me warm. Remind me it was real and he was here and I was ok, he was ok. Everything was ok.

"Mmkay" is all he managed to mumble out before he stood from his chair and slid under the hospital covers, luckily all of the nurses were out of my room by now.

I wrapped my arms around the sleepy boy and let him rest his head on my chest. I petted through his hair, how I've missed this, trying not to tug too much as I don't want to wake him. His breath got lighter and I felt him go a bit limper signing he had fallen asleep, in my arms. He nuzzled himself into me further, making me suppress a giggle at the clumsy sleeping boyfriend of mine. I felt my eyes get heavier and I got took by the darkness once again. But this time a good darkness, no demons, no painful heartbreak – only _love._

_*midnight*_

I woke up by the beeping of my machines, I guessed the nurses were checking my stats as that's what they do at night, in case anything goes wrong. I weakly open one eye and peak at the nurse by my monitors, she turns and flashes me a half smile and then nodding her head down at the still asleep Phil in my arms.

"Lucky boy, you. He stayed here for the whole time. He's a great boy, I'm happy for you two" she whispered in a hushed tone, I gave her a sleepy smile and a nod of thanks before pecking the mess of tangled hair – still asleep and deeply buried in my chest. Then I fell back to sleep, tomorrow Chris and PJ were coming and I wanted energy for that.

_*morning*_

I got woken up by a few light pecks being placed on my chest, I looked down to see Phil was awake and looking up at me with his lips still on the spot he was kissing, I let a small giggle at the boy and received my arm from beneath him. I placed my hand on his cheek and tilted his head away from my chest and leant down for a proper kiss. I connected our lips and felt alive once again, not like I was when he was away. Phil was my rock.

"Morning, love" I whispered. Our lips only millimetres away, I felt his soft breaths on my chapped lips making yet again giggle.

"Morning gorgeous" he smiled up at me, eyes glistening with hope. I nuzzled my nose in to his – very – messy ebony hair, making him giggle a little, oh how I've missed waking up with him in my safe arms – both of us away from danger.

"MORNING SUNSHINE AND GAY BOYS!" I poked my head up only to be met by a very familiar face being right in front of mine. Chris. Then I saw a more awkwardly standing PJ in the background.

"Hey guys" I said holding back a burst of laughter. I've missed them as well, just Phil more, which is explainable. I nudged Phil who seemed to be falling back to sleep, his eyes met mine and he smiled again. "PJ and Chris are-" I got cut off.

"RIGHT 'ERE!" Now I let the laugh come from my lips as I saw Chris standing with a salute and then bowing at us.

"Awe, you and Phil look so cute" PJ said from behind Chris once he realised nothing was to be worried about.

"T-Thanks" I squeaked out a bit embarrassed as I was still wrapped up with Phil in my arms. I guess it's explainable as we haven't been with each other for around 11 months and Phil has been through so much, how couldn't I want to be with him?

We ended up talking aimlessly for hours on end, Phil kept dozing off still in my arms, I bet he didn't get much sleep. Just like me when he was out all those months back.

"Hello- oh you have visitors; do you want me to come back later?" I looked up and met eyes with Toby. I gave him a warm smile and shook my head.

"It's ok. But Phil is asleep so _Shh_. We need to whisper. I don't think he got that much sleep" I nuzzled my head into Phil's head; I needed all the affection I could get right now.

"Oh. Well err- I'm sorry. But Phil _needs_ to hear this as well" Toby said standing awkwardly at the back of the room. I mouthed an oh and then nudged the sleep figure in my arms. Phil's eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me before stretching.

"Toby's here. He said he needs to tell us something?" I half asked, half told. Phil nodded and shuffled around to face the others. BU then laid back down and made himself the small spoon and me the big, I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder waiting for Toby to speak up.

"Err- well, Jonathan – h-he got caught by the police. They want a court order next weekend. Do you think Dan will be out by then? Phil I know you don't want to see him again or anything but, w-will you give evidence against him? Because you were the worse out of me and you also Dan needs to come. Well because Jonathan _shot_ him." Toby looked at the floor. I could feel Phil's body tensing in my arms; I placed a soft kiss on his neck which calmed him a bit.

"It's for the best Phil. Then he can't get you – anyone anymore" I whispered into his ear gentle, not trying to worry him.

"O-Ok" I heard him whimper out before shuffling around in my arms only to turn around again and burry himself into me. I held on tight, I knew it would be hard but I wouldn't let Jonathan get away with this. I petted through Phil's hair and hummed gentle, he was trembling. "_Shh" _I cooed as the others watched us, feeling the eyes on us I spoke up softly.

"Guys, I'm sorry but can you go please? Phil needs some time to calm down and think this through, not being mean" They nodded understanding before they said bye and wished the best, then left. I tightened my arms around Phil and placed gentle kisses to his head.

"I-I'm sorry" I heard. Barely audible but I picked it up in the silent room.

"Don't be silly, you have a right to be worried, that man did bad things, now get some more sleep. I don't think you've been sleeping alright" Phil nodded into my chest and then fell asleep. Again. I rested my head on his and let my mind relax only happy thoughts going through it.

So, everything is going to be ok? I asked myself. Most of it will be, I have Phil back and the court case is next weekend. But Phil's always going to be traumatised, I cant help that. Only if he agrees to help. Which I doubt he will, but at least, for once in my life;

_Everything is falling into place._


	33. Chapter 33 - My Messed Up Head

Dan P.O.V

I woke up the next day Phil was still snuggled up deeply in my arms; I must have fallen asleep while I was thinking. I yawned quietly, try not to wake Phil, it didn't work though. The boy in my arms started to stir a bit and then I saw a pair of blue eyes peeking open at me. I smiled at the sleepy Phil and pecked his nose affectionately.

"Morning" he said with his groggy morning voice.

"Morning, Phil" I smile and then turn when I hear the door opening. I sigh when I see 2 nurses and the ward doctor coming in.

"Morning boys. We have news" oh god, please be good. I don't want anything bad to happen, I have everything the way I need. Well, I have Phil, and that's all I need.

"What is it?" I ask nervously and grip tighter to Phil who is still buried in my chest, most likely back asleep.

"Well, if you're feeling better, we are happy to release you" I also jump up from the news, I can go home. Go back to mum and Adrian and then start again with Phil and we can be a normal couple with a normal life. I nudge Phil and he blinks again.

"S-Sorry fell asleep again. Why are the doctors here?" he turns around and looks at them, I keep smiling but then tackle him down quickly.

"I'm coming home!" I giggle and he smiles, teeth and all, I wish I could kiss him right now but that would be wrong as all the doctors and nurses in the room.

"That's great! When?" he turns to the doctors, most likely directing the question to them.

"Today if Daniel is feeling well enough, I guess he is by the way he reacted." The doctor let out a small chuckle and then Phil detached from me tickled my sides making me giggle slightly.

The doctors left the room leaving me and Phil containing giggles. But as soon as we heard the door close and footsteps down the hall we burst out with giggles and then Phil leant over me again and attached our lips, I couldn't get enough of this boy.

"Dan, when we get home. I'm going to try and make it perfect and then we don't need to be sad anymore. It can be me and you" he started, he had a bit of a waver in his voice but I guess it's quite emotional for him, it's been so long "… of course after I get J-Jonathan in jail" he finished. I heard his voice lower and nearly crack at this second part, I just pulled him down onto me and surrounded my arms on his waist and held him there, no words needed.

The doctors came back a few minutes later to help unplug all of the wires from my body and remove any needles. But then as I had not much stuff to pack and it was only Phil who had to collect his stuff from the months, we left in no time. I felt happy coming home.

"Dan" I heard, snapping out of my trace, which I didn't realise I was in, almost immediately and looked over at Phil who was about to get on the train

"Oh, sorry. I was daydreaming silly me" I said merrily and grabbed Phil's hand walking onto the train. We found a seat and shuffled into it.

When we finally got comfy, I leant across the arm rest and lifted it only to shuffle my way to Phil. I rested my head on his chest, thump, thump, thump, that's the sound of his heart. I still cant believe I got him and me out alive. I linked our hands and started to play with his long slim fingers gentle. I had been separated from my boyfriend for so long, so I deserved a bit of cuddling, yet, some people decided this wasn't allowed.

"Faggots" a teenage boy around our age mumbled as he walked down the aisle to the other side of the cart.

"Don't listen to him Phil, he's an idiot" I said when I felt Phil tense from the word. God knows what words could have been said to him for the last months.

"I know, but it-" He got cut off by something hitting his head. I turned around to look down the aisle in the direction the object came from. A group of teenage boys and girls sat in the corner giggling, I saw the faggot mumbler there as well. What a surprise, stuck on a train of homophobic teenagers.

"Them teenagers again, Phil." I say when I turn back to Phil. I noticed how he was close to tears. "Oh Phil, please don't take notice of them, they're immature. Please, don't take anything Jonathan or them teenagers say about you or us, you're perfect to me. Ok?" I pull Phil into my chest; he sniffled a bit but then finally mumbled a reply.

"I know I shouldn't Dan. But it's been drilled into me for the last 9 months I was with - j-Jonathan. I'm sor-" I sighed as I heard him talking but then somebody grabbed one of Phil's bags and was off down the aisle.

"HEY!" I stood up and shouted. "THATS MY BOYFRIENDS BAG!" I shot a quick glance at Phil but the. Ran down the aisle towards the boy, surprise, surprise, one of the teenagers.

"What you gonna do about it, faggot?" He called back at me. I grumbled and caught up with him, almost. God how much running? Until he tripped on someone's bag which was left on the floor.

"Goodness gracious! Young man, are you alright?" I old lady croaked from her seat.

"No he shouldn't be. He just stole my boy friends bag!" I said once I caught up deeply out of breath, gotta get fit.

"Oh my! Now I'm glad I tripped him. Now, son, why did you steal um-what's your name darling?" The lady said, god she was adorable. You know old lady adorable?

"Daniel, but its Dan for short ms" I said polite as I snatched the bag from his grip. God I was going to enjoy hearing him tell an old woman why.

"Because he's gay ms. People like him and his all 'lovey-dovey' boyfriend shouldn't be able to kiss or cuddle in public. It's wrong and disgusting ms" he replied coldly. He reminded me so much of Mason from home. Who says that to an old lady? Clearly this dude.

"You take that back right now! They have enough rights as we do. Now answer this, do you and your girlfriend mingle together in public?" She said clearly offended in my behalf.

"Yes ms, but that's diff-" she cut him off.

"No, no it is not. Just because he and his boyfriend have a penis doesn't change it at all. Now scurry along and don't be a homophobic, there's already too many" she rushed us away waving her hands in the direction we came from. Thank god that was over. I couched the bag in my arms as I got knocked forward slightly by the boy behind me.

"You are lucky faggot. Could have done you" he said coldly as I scrambled into my seat by a now teary Phil.

"Oh Phil. Please don't cry, I got your bag back thanks to an old lady would gave him a right old speech" I said trying to lighten the mood. It did t work; Phil continued to stare at the floor. "Baby? What's wrong?" I cooed as I wrapped an arm around him which he accepted by just falling into my chest.

"We're not normal Dan. They're right, gay people aren't right" I was slightly shocked but I held him tighter still.

"No, they just aren't right. Everyone has the right to love who they love. And guess what? I love you" I whispered into his ear. When I pulled back I saw a smile etch it's way onto his face. I smiled.

Phil was all I needed. I didn't need anyone else.

**Unknown P.O.V. (#1)**

Even though I act like I love Phil. I don't, I'm with Jonathan on this. I knew that Jonathan was in custody awaiting sentencing by the court, but I needed to get to him, he needs to know I'm back on his side. I'll have to talk against Phil in court, it will hurt a bit as I have grown attached but it's needed. To bring the name of the Lester's back into the public eye of someone to be scared of, just like my dad had.

"I need to make a visit it to Jonathan Lester in custody" I said down the line to the metropolitan police.

Phil Lester better not think it's all over. It's far from over for him.

**Phil P.O.V**

Dan and I were walking down the street to his house, god I've missed this place. I wonder if Ms Howell knows we are coming back. I see the familiar houses appear; it all seems so normal and just like it was before. Memories of Dan and I walking back from school down this street, memories of just being with Dan. Here in London, not in Manchester. Maybe I can forget Manchester altogether? I mean after the court case it will be all over. _Just like Dan said, me and him, just me and him. _

"Ready?" Dan said shooting me a nervous glance as we stood outside the door to his house.

"Yeah. Does your mum and Adrian know I'm alive?" I asked. Immediately, I felt so stupid asking that but after all Dan never mentioned them. For all I know they could have been cut off for 2 months.

"N-no. And they probably think I'm dead as well. I might have left a note? Saying I'm off to that man, Jonathan, and they knew he was trouble because of dad" I sighed and wrapped my arm around his side and knocked on the door. Things will get better now. Things will settle down. I kept telling myself as thoughts of the beating rushed through my mind.

"He-" Adrian started as he opened the door but then a gasp escaped his mouth and soon he flung himself at Dan and I. Making me giggle, same old Adrian. "Y-you're both alive! MUM! MUM! Dan and Phil are alive; they're on our doorstep, MUM!" Adrian called cheerfully into the house. Soon enough a tear stained Cathy walked into the hallway, pure shock plastered to her face as we met eyes briefly, then she ran to us as well.

"OMG boys! Where the hell have you been? Dan what was that note, you know not to mess with your dad's old boss! And Phil, oh Phil, I'm so glad you're ok" she wrapped herself around the now freed Dan and then moved onto me. It's nice to finally be missed when for so long you've been invisible, or a punch bag.

"I'm sorry mum. I couldn't l-let him k-kill Phil, I had t-to mum" I heard Dan croak. I instantly brought him into a hug and rubbed circles gently in his back. It will take time but everything will be normal. _It's the end of that life. New life. With Dan._

"My, my boys. Please explain why you took 2 months to get back home?" Cathy asked when I detached from Dan, he was shaking slightly.

"Well..." I started to explain as I remember more of what had happened, all the beating, all the guns, the time I saw my lover hit the ground, the time he woke up. The aim of a new life. Cathy's face was a mix, first crying for my kidnapping and beating then anger for the shooting, than sorrow when she heard about me having to cope when Dan was out and finally a smile when I said about my hopes.

"I understand, I was just worried. Now come inside boys, you can grab some food and drinks and head to your rooms, I guess you need time" we both nodded, I only just noticed we were still stood outside in the chilly late-November breeze.

"I love you Dan" I mumbled into Dan's ear while we lay, limbs tangled, in Dan's bed. I had one arm around his waist and one running through his hobbit hair - he hasn't has straighterners for 2 months, but he had a shower at the hospital. I liked his hobbit hair, it made him look so innocent and sweet. Dan's hand lay on my chest while he buried himself into me, our legs were tangled together. I like being this close with Dan, just innocent cuddling.

"I love you too, Phil. So, so much" he said, muffled by my chest. "Never leave my side again; I don't think I would be able to cope, Phil. I barely coped this time" I heard him chock out the last part. It broke my heart hearing Dan so broken and weak; _it just reminded me more of why he was like this. Me. All me. _

"Wait what do you mean, barely coped this time? Dan you didn't try anything or do anything did you?" I asked, slightly panicked.

"I- I- another time Phil. I don't want to talk about it now. I just got you back, not going to make this depressing please" I nodded and tightened my hand on his waist and curled one of his many springs around my finger, he giggled slightly.

"What? What are you laughing at Danny?" I ask, holding in a giggle at the pet name.

"Firstly, the way you say Danny. But also how odd we are. You just got kidnapped and I was willing to give myself up for you and now were both at home, cuddling. It felt 5 minutes ago that I saw the bullet heading towards you" he said with a huff. I sighed, he was right, it was odd to think of it that way.

"I agree. And so do I, I was frozen solid when you hit the ground. Please don't do that again? I would rather save you than you save me. You have a better future and life than I would" I mumbled, I wasn't really aiming at becoming sad. I was just speaking my mind.

"Don't say that Phil, please? Let's agree we will save each other. But there won't be a next time as were safe now and we can start over, _just you and me"_

"Ok, love" I say while Dan nuzzled further into me I stopped tangling his hair and shuffled down a bit to connect our lips. Then we wrapped our self around each other and fell into a sleep, it was a tough day.

**Unknown P.O.V (#2)**

Too many thoughts.

Make them stop.

I feel guilt bubbling in me.

I'm a monster.

I can't keep holding onto my thread of string much longer.

Why, oh why, must I have done so wrong?

Take me to heaven if I was good.

But I was a sinner, take me to hell.

But I will survive another day, but sooner or later, I will be giving up.

I will give up, not today devil, you have to wait.

My string hasn't snapped yet.

My messed up head, lives another day.


	34. Chapter 34 - Court

_*Week Skip*_

**Phil P.O.V**

I got woken by the sunlight pouring through the crack in the curtains of Dan's room, not to mention, the aroma of sizzling bacon coming from downstairs. I felt my hand around a bit to pull Dan closer but no one was there. _What if he was taken? What if it was a dream and I wasn't at home with Dan? What if-_

"Phil! Ass down here now, you're being laaazzzyyyy" I heard coming from downstairs. Dan. I shook my head in disbelief, how could I have thought them things, it had only been a minute without seeing Dan. I don't know if I'm ready to fit back into a normal schedule, I have been trying for a week but it doesn't feel right.

"Coming!" I chirped back, trying hard not to let the pain in my voice show through. I quickly jumped from bed, wincing a bit, and made my way to the smell coming from the kitchen.

"Hey Phil!" Adrian said happily as I walked through the door frame. I smiled back and returned his hello. I turned to the cooker to see Dan frying the bacon. Smoke was filling the air around the cooker.

"Dan! I don't think that much smoke should be coming out of that" I said holding back a giggle as I walked over to him. Just as I guessed, burned bacon for breakfast.

"Oh" he said and looked down into the pan.

"Don't worry. Just take it off the heat; luckily it's not too far gone!" I chirped wrapping my arms around him and taking the pan. "How does cereal sound?" I giggle as I put the black and burnt bacon in the bin.

"Fine by me!" Adrian says from the table. I sigh and go to get the cereal for us all. Before long, Cathy joins us and makes her own bowl of cornflakes.

"Uhm- Phil?" Dan says after awhile of only crunches filling the air. I look up at him waiting for him to continue. "T-The court case is today, remember? Down the county court… you didn't forget did you?" I mentally slap myself.

"Oh… I f-forgot. D-Do I have to face h-him?" I frown slightly not wanting to see him again; he only brings back bad stuff.

"I'm afraid you do sweetheart" Cathy poked into the conversation. I sighed and left my half bowl of cereal on the table and headed upstairs. Don't let them see you cry, they don't deserve to see that. I flop down on my _own_ bed this time. I can't even remember using this room once even before I got taken. I sob into the pillows quietly trying to forget, just a little while longer.

"Phil?" I hear a voice calling from down the hall. I sigh recognising it to be Dan; he doesn't need to see me cry. "Phil? Baby? Where are you…" Dan calls again, sounding much more worried than he was a moment ago.

"M-My room D-Dan" I chock out, it being almost silent, he hears me and comes in quickly. I burry my head deeper into the pillows, trying to wipe away the falling tears.

"Oh Phil… Please don't cry. I'll be there in the stands ready for when you finish giving you the biggest hug ever and kisses, promise" Dan cooed into my ear as he sat on the bed by me stroking through my hairs with his hand.

"I- I know. It's j-just scary Dan… he's a bad man…" I murmur into the pillow, my tears had slowly started to stopped now I had Dan there.

"I know he is Phil. That's why he's going to go into the courtroom only to be put into prison and you know this!" Dan partly yelled, not harshly, but out of worry. I nodded slightly and unbury myself to nuzzle into Dan.

"Love you" I say as I plant a kiss to his t-shirt. I just want to be close to Dan before I have to start and get ready. The lawyer has talked me through everything and I know what's going to be happening.

"I love you to baby"

It was now 1pm and I was standing by the door in a suit and tie waiting for Dan to come down along with Adrian and Cathy. I take a deep breath when Dan comes down. _Damn. _Why did this have to be the first time I see him in a suit? He looks _hot._

"You look amazing, love" I giggle as he stands in front of me. I slowly wrap my arms around Dan and pull him close, nibbling at his neck gently. Anything that could get my mind off where we're going.

"Not as amazing as you do!" he giggles back. "Shame this is the first time we're in suits. Was hoping it would be a bit more of a happy occasion." He added sighing.

"I feel the same way, anyways-" I got cut of by a loud 'awe' coming from the top of the stairs. I look up from Dan at Cathy and Adrian at the top of the stairs. Cathy in her 'formal' pencil skirt and blouse and Adrian in a suit far to big for his small-ish frame.

"Muuum" Dan faked a moan as she pinches his cheek.

"Sorry! It's just been so long since I've seen you two happy and in each others arms, it makes me happy y' know?" I blush slightly at Cathy's words. She's a right character, I sigh and detach from Dan, soon followed by him finding my hand to hold, and head out to the car.

I sit in the back with Dan, hands still linked together. Suddenly, it all comes crashing down. I'm about to have to stand in front of a load of people, convince them Jonathan is guilty, stop myself stuttering. I don't think I can do this anymore. I feel my breaths getting faster and I shake slightly.

"Love? You alright?" I hear Dan say. I shake my head trying to stop myself from crying. I don't want to see Jonathan let alone talk of what he has done.

"P-Please, I don't want to go…" I sniffle and lean over to burry myself into Dan's arm.

"I know you don't Phil. But look at it, when you're done we don't need to worry about anything. Ok?" I nod slightly as Dan wraps an arm around my side.

"S-Sorry" I mumble. I can't stop myself sometimes from getting like this, it just _happens._

"No need to be silly. Look we are here now."

"All rise" the judge bellows around the courtroom. Here I am standing in the dock with my lawyers on the desk in front. "Bring in the defendant" he says. I turn to look at the doors and that's when I see Jonathan coming in. I whimper slightly – my mind still thinks he can hurt me even with the handcuffs and police around. _Maybe some people are too damaged to be fixed?_

"Now, please sit, apart from defendant and plaintiff. Would the plaintiffs' bench like to make an opening statement?" the judge asked to my bench, I knew they had one planned out as I helped them with it.

"Yes, your honour" my lawyer, Susan, said and rised from her seat. She nodded at the judge and started.

"Good day, ladies and gentlemen of the court, and thank you for being here today. My name is Susan L. Jackson, and I'll be the lead prosecutor in this case.

You're here today for the trial of Mr. J. Lester, who stands accused of kidnap, ra pe and _killing_. My plaintiff is the victim of these cruel actions. He has been ra ped and kidnapped for a period of 9 months by, who is also his father, Mr. Lester.

I am standing here in front of you my honour as I believe this man, whom has recently escaped this very jail system, should be imprisoned for a period of 25 years.

Philip, the plaintiff, is 16 going on 17 and I assure you no teenager should be going through this, I hope this story can appeal to your human nature and heart-" she went on about what had happened to me the last 9 months, I bow my head slightly, trembling, I cant stop myself feeling nervous when he's mere meters from me. She said killing, yet I still have not been told of the victim. I don't want to think of my dad as a killinger… he would _never _do that, despite how messed up he is.

"Thank you my honour" Susan finished and sat back down.

"Now, would the defendant's panel wish to make a statement or shall we move onto witnesses?" the judge echoed through the silent. I heard rustling of papers on the desk below Jonathan and then a 'no my honour'. "Bring out the defendants selected witness" the judge says shortly afterwards.

I turn around again to the doors; I wonder who he has bribed into this. _My face freezes, it can't be… no this is a lie._

**Steven P.O.V**

"Good day, my honour" I said once I stand in the witness box by the side of the Judge's podium. I make eye contact with Phil giving a slight smirk as I see the shock plastered on his face and then scan the rows. Dan's face is also a bit scared; I didn't think my caring act was _that_ good.

"Mr. S. Lester, what relation do you have to this case?" the judge asks me.

"My honour, I am the eldest son of the defendant and the brother of the plaintiff. I was living the building which Philip was kept in, I can assure you he hasn't been telling the whole truth" I try to wipe the smirk playing on my lips as I speak 'bullshit' as some say to the judge.

"Why do you say this Mr. Lester?" the judge asks. I hold back a snigger.

"Because my brother, the plaintiff, ran away a hand-full of months before. In this case, one cannot accuse this as being kidnap. It is simply taking back his child, he was worried _sick_ when he found out his youngest had ran away for no apparent reason." I say locking eyes with Phil. his face is a picture.

**Phil P.O.V**

Steven. My heart sunk, he was my brother yet he was backing up our dad? The one who _he knew_ had done them nasty things. I felt my self go slightly faint but tried to stand still by holding the railing on my stand. I looked over my shoulder to Dan who was looking right back at me, I frowned slightly but fought on. I need justice.

"You see, Mr Lester, if Philip ran away there must have been things going on. Also, we have been informed by the plaintiffs bench of domestic violence acted upon by yourself and Philip multiple times before your father was in prison. _As well as the death of your mother. _Comments on this, Mr Lester?" the judge said to Steven.

That was it, a felt a tear roll down my face. _The death of mum? _I didn't even think she was dead… waiting killing, death, Jonathan, prison… no… "NO! Y-YOU'RE LYING! M-MUM ISN'T DE-EAD!" I suddenly shouted, I clamped my hand over my mouth and retreated to the back of my cubical. Tears welled up in my eyes, no no no, not here.

"Philip. Please reframe from shouting in court." The Judge said facing me, I nodded sadly ducking my head. "However, were you not aware of the death and case of Mrs. Lester, I mean, your mother?" he said in a much more sympathetic voice. I shook my head.

"Your mother was killed years ago Philip, why have you not been informed? You see, the defendant was here just before your kidnapping, in prison, for the killing of Mrs. Lester, I'm sorry to inform you of this. But then, Mr. Lester escaped and here we are" the judge finished. I felt myself go limp and I slowly slid down the side of the stand. Too much information, killing, ra pe, kidnapper. My father was all 3 now? Tears rolled down my cheeks. I don't think I can take being here any more; I need that hug Dan promised. But I can't. We are mid-trial.

"I-I'm ok to continue my honour" I said after I calmed down and wiped the tears from my damp cheeks.

"Thank you Philip. Now, Mr Lester. Comments?" the case continued, Steven gave a good go but I don't know if it was enough, he had no evidence, or anything much to be honest.

"Philip. Do you wish to speak for your evidencing, or do you wish your bench take the duties as I can see you're upset of your loss" he said smiling slightly, at least he was nice. I knew all my evidencing off by heart and it would be better if I had told it than my bench again.

"I will my honour" I say sighing slightly then taking a deeper breath.

"Please begin" he said sitting back in his seat as I stepped to the front of the cube stand.

"Good day women, men and you my honour. I- I am pleading Mr. J. Lester guilty of ra pe, ab use and kidnap. I cannot comment on the killing as I was in London during the case and while I was there, I had lost my memory which is slowly returning.

I have some pictures on a slide show of myself after I was saved by my boyfriend, Dan, would have also been shot in the process by my father." I clicked the button on the remote and my first picture came up. It was one of my chest and stomach, I winced as I looked at it, bruises and scars littered all over it. I gulp down when I hear gasps around from the rows behind me.

"These are the marks the defendant left on my torso and stomach, he beat me daily for the 9 months and most weeks I had been ra ped by him or one of the children from my old school in Manchester. I believe Wes Kenny was one of these." I quickly changed slides to one of my face with my eyes closed.

"This one shows the scar the defendant cut onto my face with a kitchen knife, which was one of the first signs of ab use in the 9 months. I still have a slight scar which is fading now." I gulped and looked down.

"I also have many more scars, burns and cuts on my body from before the run away. Then I was ab used most days when the defendant was drunk or drugged. I had to cope with this since a mere 11 years old when I was thrown against a w-wall" I stutter at the end as the memory starts to get to me. No not now. I can feel it creeping up on me. I feel weak and vulnerable. There is too much pressure.

_Suddenly, the room goes black and I hit the floor._

**Dan P.O.V**

I listen to Phil talking, but then at the end of a part he was stuttering and looking paler. I knew what this meant. Memories. The night the guys, he and I were at the cinema when he went into a nightmare. It was happening when he was awake. But then suddenly he hit the floor.

"Flee the courtroom, please. Philip's guardians may stay; we will be taking a break. Lead the defendant out pleases, Sergeant Moore." The Judge said and soon people around us were up and going. I rushed down to Phil's block and opened the door. There he was curled on the floor, foetal position shaking slightly.

"Phil? Phil, love. It's me Dan. Shh" I say as I sit besides the curled up boy. I run my hand through his hair to get it out of his face and run another along his side. I look up behind me to see, mum, Adrian and the Judge stood over us.

"My dear. I can see how much it pained him… I should have asked his bench… I am sorry. What is your name?" Judge asks.

"D-Daniel. But it's Dan for sort. I am Phil's boyfriend, the one who Jonathan shot" I say as I stretch to shake his hand.

"My yes. I remember now. Dan, do you remember anything which could help in the case?" he asks. I nod my head and pick Phil from the ground and place him in my lap so I can tend to him and talk to the judge.

"I saved Phil after he was hit by the car, my honour. When I first got to know him, he had these attacks a lot. He always said how _he_, now I know _he_ was Jonathan, was hurting him and that stuff. When I found Phil the other month, yes, Jonathan shot me and I was in a coma. I'm basically saying, I know Phil is telling the truth and Jonathan needs to be imprisoned. My honour" I finished and looked down at Phil who was string a bit in my lap.

"I see. Thank you. I will take this into account when me and my jury have a discussion. Will he be ok to continue? We are nearly done but we can call it off there… I think we have enough evidencing to make a verdict on the case" the judge said, smiling down at Phil and I.

"I don't think he will be able to alone, my honour. Does he have another witness lined up? If he wakes up I can stand or sit with him here while they give their talk… it could help" I say hopeful to get enough evidence against Jonathan, he's a monster, killer, ra pe, mentally ill kidnapper.

"He does, I believe it is Toby Lester, his step brother. Also, I will call the court back into place and when Phil wakes up just stand with him please. We don't usually allow this but as I can see Philip is not very well and under pressure I allow it." Judge says.

"Thank you so much my honour." I smile up and him and then mum and Adrian. They walk off and I hear the gambol on the wood.

"Court gather" Judge Shouts and soon feet can be heard.

Just when Toby is called back in Phil flutters his eyes open and smiles up at me, I return it happily. "Hi Phil, the court is in progress still. But I'm allowed to stand with you. Toby just has to give his say and it's over ok?" I say and he nods. I help him up steadying him my the waist.

"Good to see you're ok Philip" Judge says and then lets Toby begin.

"Good day. I'm Toby Lester, the plaintiffs' stepbrother, Jonathan is also my father.

I was forced into working for the defendant. He claims he has my mother captive, but I know he is wrong now. He killed not only Mrs. Lester. But my mother, Mrs. Belford. Sadly, I do not know where my twin sister is, I know at one point she was with the defendant but I haven't heard from her since.

The defendant ab used Phil from day one when he got to Manchester and even still in London where we were staying in a small house. He ab used me once a week but never was I ra ped like Phil was.

I believe the defendant is guilty of all charges. Kidnap, ra pe, killing of two and child ab use. He should be imprisoned for this case and serve his last case on top. Thank you for listening, my honour" Toby finished. I hated hearing what they had gone through for the 9 months. How I wasn't able to do anything about it now.

"Thank you Toby. The jury will now make their verdict in a meeting. We will be back in a while, please make sure the defendant is kept in his custody cell until we return. Help your self to drinks." The Judge said before rising and leaving to the back room.

A few minutes later and a few words from Phil, they return. I gulp and grip onto Phil tighter who just buriers his head into my shoulder, I stroke his hair hoping for the best.

"The verdict of the Lester case has been made by the jury. May you read this out for us?" Judge says as he takes his seat.

"Yes, my honour" a small-ish woman says from his side. "But first, does the defendant have any words for the Judge?" she asks turning to Jonathan, I glare at him.

"No my honour" he sneers, smirking slightly.

"_We have decided that Mr Jonathan Lester has been proven…"_


	35. Chapter 35 - Perfection

**Phil P.O.V**

_My heart was pounding out of my chest. The words which come next will change everything. _I burry myself into Dan and wait for the woman to finish her words.

"_Not Guilty."_ She said as if it was nothing. "The defendant shall be released after court with a written warning. The plaintiff may require to pay for a false charge, we will contact the family" I stared into space with tear filled eyes. How could he be not guilty? Or even, how could he be _released?_

"W-What?" I hear from above me in a whisper. I look up to see Dan's mouth agape and a tear running down his cheek. I nuzzle in further to his chest, keep back the tears, Jonathan cant see you being weak, he will get you Phil.

"We are v-" the Jury woman got cut off by a door opening, slamming against the wall.

"I order this court to halt. PC Jones, I've been sent as there has been reports of false identities in the court." The man said, I looked over at Dan and furrowed my eyebrows. He shrugged but held onto me tightly.

"Ms. Quinn, I am arresting you on suspicion of identify theft and breech of the court of law. You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence later in court" I stood in shock as the police officer hand-cuffed the woman who had just revealed Jonathan as not-guilty. Does this mean she gave a fake verdict?

"Thank you officer Jones. I shall re-evaluate this trial, won't be long. Sorry for the confusion" Judge said as he got up and went to the back room. I sighed and rested my head on Dan's chest gently.

"Shh, don't wor-" he got cut off.

"Daniel?" I looked up and saw the officer, Jones I think, looking at Dan and I.

"PC Jones! I- I found him, thank you for before. It was a great help, for the start" Dan said smiling at the officer. I smiled as well, he must have helped Dan find me.

"That's fine. I'm glad to see you got him back, you know Phil, this boy was a wreck when we came" PC Jones laughed gently as he handed the woman to his colleague.

"I guess that makes two of us. Thanks for helping him.." I say getting a bit shy and burying deeper into Dan.

"I'll see you boys. Good luck with the trial!" he said as he left.

"I guess we just need to hope Judge understands… he was very kind when- when you fainted" Dan sighed as he hugged me tightly.

"Huh? Did he talk to you?" I say a bit confused.

"Yeah. I gave my side of the story.. about the shooting and stuff" Dan said with a slight smile on his face. We turned around to see the Judge had came back in with papers in his hands.

"We are very sorry for Ms. Quinn. We didn't know about her plans. I can now announce that Mr. J. Lester is…." I bit my tongue and stared right at Jonathan, his smirk still planted along his face. How could he be so evil? "_guilty" _Judge said.

I swear at that moment I could jump in the air like in them clichéd movies, but instead I attached back onto Dan with all my might and had a goofy grin plastered along my face.

_Freedom, justice, a life of no worries. I didn't need to worry about him now. He's locked away, he cant hurt me. I can finally have a perfect life with my Dan._

"Mr J Lester, you are to be imprisoned for 25 years, no patrol allowed. PC Browns please take the defendant to his permanent cell. Court dismissed." Judge said in his final words before exiting along with the benches.

I stayed clamped onto Dan for awhile, letting it all sink in. "Guess what, beautiful?" Dan said, a smile visible in his voice.

"What?" I giggled as I looked up from his chest.

"You're free" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around me. I giggled and pecked his nose. Gods, I loved him.

"I know" I said smiling up at him after pulling from the kiss.

"Phil! I'm happy for you!" I heard from behind Dan, to see Toby stood there with Adrian and Cathy. I detached from Dan and ran to him, making sure I opened the boxes' door first, and clashed into him with a huge hug.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." I mumbled into his t-shirt, tears threatening to come from my eyes, happiness of course, as he returned the hug. It wasn't awkward, we were step-brothers, he was now much more of a brother to me as Steven was, but I guess Steven isn't now, he betrayed me.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't cry bro, no more tears now, Jonathan Is gone" he said smiling. I smiled and nodded as I detached. But then something hit me, where would Toby go?

"Toby… You have nowhere to stay now? What are you going to do?" I say as I walk to hug Cathy and Adrian who had their arms out stretched.

"I- I- um…" he said looking down and shrugging slightly.

"Wait, Toby, you said you're Phil's step brother, how about you stay with us? Phil _never_ uses his room and sleeps with Dan in his so we have a extra room, its no problem. I guess Phil would like some of his _own_ family here as well…" Cathy said as I hugged Adrian, who giggled and patted my back.

"R-Really?!" I heard Toby say, I liked the idea of him staying with us, he was family. My only family.

"Please, Toby! That would be cool!" I say as I move onto Cathy. "I would like it, is that ok then Cathy?" I say once Toby nods.

"It's fine! Everyone else agree to Toby moving in? And well, Dan are you up to sharing your bed with Phil _all_ the time?" She giggled at the end. Everyone nodded and Dan grinned.

"Lets go home" I say as I link hands back with Dan.

Once we arrived home and Toby had stopped back at the police station to get his stuff. Dan and I went up to his room and flopped onto the bed.

"Well, I guess this is it now. Just me and you. Along with the others. No more worries" Dan said giggling. I sighed and nodded against him, I was quite tired after having another episode. "You sleepy, love?" he said as he moved the hair from my eyes.

"Mhm" I mumbled as I closed my eyes tight and nuzzled into him.

"Go to sleep then. I have some stuff to do and I'll wake you when tea is ready" he said. I nodded again, before falling to sleep quickly, god I was tired.

_All was perfect._

**Dan P.O.V**

I knew I had to do something for Phil, he has just got his first bit of freedom in around 5 years. I had the perfect idea. I let him fall asleep in my arms before slipping out of bed and jogging down the hall to Toby's room.

"Toby" I said as I opened the door to find him unpacking his few possessions.

"Yeah?" he said looking up to me.

"I need to nip out and get some stuff for a date I'm setting up for Phil and I. If Phil wakes up tell him I'm at the shops. I need to sort some stuff out… just don't tell him anything" I said smiling and he smiled and nodded.

"Sure. Hope you enjoy yourself!" he giggled turning back to his suitcase.

I ran downstairs and grabbed my phone and wallet before heading out the door. I hope Phil likes what I'm setting up. I just need it to be perfect, for him, for us.

I go to the decoration isle and grab a few things before paying and heading back home.

"Mum? I need a favour" I said, sickly sweet, so she would give in.

"What now Dan?" she said, with a fake moan. God, me and my mum could be twins, I hadn't noticed that before.

"Um… Well, you know how Phil has just had a great day? I want to- err- make it better. I- I want to t-take him o-" I got cut off by a squeal coming from my mum.

"On a date! I am helping, ok. I'll do a picnic, it's still light and it will be cute, ok? Eep! I'm happy now" she giggled with excitement. How did she know I wanted a picnic?

"Thanks mum! I'm going to set up where I want it, when I come back I'll get the basket, ok? But keep quiet! Phil's asleep and can't know anything!" I said as I closed the door and ran to the near by fields to set up.

_A perfect date, for my perfect boyfriend._

**Phil P.O.V**

I woke up when I heard a buzzing from the side of my bed, I reached out to find my phone, I knew Dan wasn't here as he said he was going to be busy. I squinted at the screen as I opened the message.

_Unknown Number:_

_You will pay, Philip. Don't think it's over. It never will be over._

I gulped and looked at my phone, who was that? I curled up in to myself and placed my phone back on the side. _Don't worry its nothing. _I think to myself, who am I kidding? It could be Jonathan's friends out to kill me for locking him up. I let a small tear trail down my face. When the door opens.

"Oh my, Phil are you ok?" I hear Dan's voice and feet scurrying over to me, his voice was laced with worry.

"Y-Yeah. I- I" I cut myself off and pointed to the still lit up phone screen with a hand before placing it back in my pathetic state.

I looked up and saw Dan's eyes scanning over the text before his face fell slightly. "Don't worry, its probally just a punk trying to scare you Phil. They cant get you, I wont let them, promise" he said as he hugged me.

"O-Ok" I mumble, but then Dan pulled away.

"I have a surprise for you baby" he giggles. I blush at the pet name, we hardly ever call each other babe or baby, it's normally love.

"Really? What is it?" I say as my mood lightens forgetting about the text, all I need is Dan.

"Well, it's a surprise, so I cant tell you silly!" he said in happiness as he bops my nose. Making me giggle and shuffle on the bed. "Up you get!" he say smiling. I got up and straightened out my suit.

"Right, stay still. I need to put this on or you will see where I'm taking you" he says as he wraps something around my eyes, I let out a faked-cry of hatred for the lack of vision but he just giggled.

"Right this way, princess!" I cross my arms and try to give him a look, but of course he cant see as I'm blindfolded.

"Don't call my princess, princess" I say as I poke out my tongue, but he just leads me away with out hands linked.

About 10 minutes of walking and we stop. I cant hear any cars or anything around, where the hell has he took me? He lets go of my hand and walks behind me to undo the fold on my eyes. _I can't believe it._

I gasp when I see what is in front of me. A field with lights scattered around aimlessly, a small tree in the middle with a blanket and basket underneath surrounded by coloured lanterns. I feel tears coming; he did all this, for me?

"I-It's beautiful…" I say as I walk towards the blanket.

"Thanks. I- I just wanted this day to be perfect… for you, for us…" Dan says shyly as he looks down. I link out hands together and flop onto the soft blanket, it's getting darker, but I can see the sun setting in the pink-ish sky.

"Strawberries!" I giggle as I look in the basket.

"And chocolate! Never can miss a classic cliché!" Dan says smiling at me, I smile back and he takes out the food.

"God, how much?!" I say in shock when it's all out of the basket in front of us.

"Don't blame me! My mum got a bit _too _excited when I asked her to help…" I laugh and shake my head slightly before eating some of the mini sausages what were on cocktail sticks.

After eating and shoving food down each others throats we were full. I lay down on the blanket and looked at the star-filled sky. Happiness was filling me. I yawned and turned over to see Dan putting back the empty containers.

"Baby… can we cuddle for a bit? I'm sleepy still…" I sigh out.

"Sure, love. Let me just pack this away and we can cuddle for a bit" he says smiling as he places back the last container.

"Love you" I mumble once we are in each others arms. I had my head on Dan's chest and my arms loosely on his waist while he had one behind his head and the other around me, our feet brushed against each other.

"I love you too, Phil. So, so much." He says as he leans down and pecks into my hair. I tilt my head up and connect our lips in a love-driven moment. He pushes back and licks my bottom lip, signalling for entrance, I allow and our tongues dance in the most perfect of ways, together. I pull back and smile, one which is full of love and desire, too him.

_How can one be so perfect? How can one hold my heart with nothing but love? How do I have Dan?_

_I won't give up on us. Even if the skies get rough._


End file.
